by Barbara J Hopkinson
  
Why should you be grateful after suffering the traumatic loss of a loved one?  What is there to be grateful for?  You feel awful!
 
It’s difficult to find anything to be grateful for after losing someone close, certainly after the loss of a child, grandchild, sibling, parent, partner, or even a very close friend before their time.  It’s not fair.
 
All true, but finding a way to be grateful will help you heal. Finding a way to keep positive will help you feel better, and being grateful is a great way to do that.  Also, wouldn’t your loved one want you to be grateful for the time you had with them?  To focus on that more than the pain their loss caused you?  Not easy . . . but try.
 
When you think about it, there are so many things in this world to be grateful for!  Just waking up every day, with a roof over our heads, food to eat, friends and family, our health. Many others do not have those things.
 
What are other things in your life now, without your loved one, that you can be grateful for?  What are the things about your loved one that you are grateful to have experienced or shared?  Write them down.  Are you thankful to have spent however long you had with them?  Is that better than never having known them?  Be grateful for that time, however short.
 
I am.  I am grateful for the excitement around that first pregnancy, even though it ended in miscarriage.  I am grateful to have held my stillborn son Robbie in my arms, seeing how much he looked like his older brothers as babies.  I am so grateful for the 21 years I got to spend with my oldest son Brent, before he died suddenly in a motorcycle accident.  I can’t imagine having lived my life without the richness of his personality, and I am grateful that he still contacts me and sends me signs.  I am grateful for my first marriage, which ended after 30 years, that produced my sons and allowed me to grow into who I am.  I am over-the-top grateful for my remaining son Brad, who is newly engaged, and his lovely fiancée.   I am also very grateful for my second husband, his children, and their partners. There are so many things I am grateful for, including family, friends, and experiences, that it outweighs my losses, most of the time anyway.
 
It does take time and effort, but gratitude is so worth it!  Gratitude helps you attract more good things into your life.  I believe that gratitude is the CORE ingredient to a good life.  Remember to be grateful . . .  for everything! 
 
. . . and I am grateful for you reading this!  Thank you!

by Nanette Littlestone

Because we celebrate Thanksgiving in November, this is typically the month associated with gratitude. Being grateful and giving thanks. You’ve probably experienced the bounty of Thanksgiving: the table set with china and crystal, a beautifully roasted turkey, stuffing, gravy, potatoes, vegetables, the pumpkin pie and whipped cream, and of course friends and family gathered together to enjoy the feast. At times like these it’s easy to be grateful and thankful.

But are you thankful in times of stress or turbulence or sorrow? During those circumstances how likely are you to be grateful? And why would you be grateful after tragedy or loss?

German theologian, philosopher, and mystic Meister Eckhart said, “If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ it will be enough.” The first time I heard the quote, I scoffed. How could just saying “thank you” be enough? Surely to have a life full of peace, tranquility, and miracles, much more was needed. But experience has proved me wrong.

My healing journey over the last few months has taken me on a carnival roller coaster guaranteed to challenge the brave and the sturdy. I’ve always thought of myself as strong and determined, but there have been many times I walked in fear and wondered if I would ever come out on the other side. I’ve learned how easy it is to wallow in pain and frustration, and how you really do attract what you focus on. So if I wallow in pain and frustration, I simply attract more of it. And that definitely does not promote healing. 

On the flip side, if I can find a moment of escape, a few simple breaths, the feeling of the sun on my face, the grass beneath my feet, a breeze ruffling my hair. If I can acknowledge that moment and say “thank you,” that positive vibration spreads out through the universe and attracts more like that. And that simple thank you implements the beginning of profound change within you that will ultimately be reflected around you.

So this month find those moments to be grateful for what you have, what you are, what you’re doing. Say thank you. And celebrate, with joy, all the bounty in your life.

​Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here. 

by Linda Goodman
 
Making conscious decisions and holding ourselves accountable is what makes us responsible adults, yet this need for always being in control (the ego) doesn’t allow for what may happen in our lives when bad things happen to good people.   Of course there are techniques for problem solving, but when the issues are far more complex, our overthinking may keep the noise of the mind so busy that there’s no time to receive quiet clarity.  Trusting the gut or intuition may be a new tool necessary to overcome the ego’s control and, in essence, redefine who we are.
 
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve known people who seem to have always lived in a state of Trust.  It was second nature with no external work required.  Some have lived in a strong faith, but others haven’t; some were of service to humanity, others weren’t.  Perhaps they masked more than could have been noticed, but I’ve often wondered how could they trust so easily when others have been battered and bruised and are now coming to terms with relearning it?  To know self is more important than to analyze another.
 
Just as computer language is written in a basic step-by-step description, there are wisdom traditions that offer a way for each of us within our specific belief system. There is work involved in growing ourselves with the building blocks of each faith.  Here I will refer to God, or The Higher Self, etc. as LOVE, for that is what I believe is our commonality.  I think we all wish to belong and our choice of a companion on this path of trust and surrender is pure, unconditional LOVE.
 
There is sacrifice involved in complete surrender and taking the ego out of the equations.  It’s an ongoing awareness and expansion of our unique (and possibly unknown) capabilities away from our former education.  In Kabbalah, I’ve been taught three Hebrew words (Chokhmah, Binah, Daat) which translate to Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge.  Wisdom is the ability to receive and transmit the spark of new insight as we are able to perceive it.  Understanding is our nourishing and allowing a thought to develop and relate to other thoughts.  But the active function of internalization—connecting the mind and emotions deeply within—is Knowledge:  Daat is the soul’s connection to a subject.  In my opinion, it’s what causes me to grab my chest and say, “This resonates within my soul.”
 
As one embarks on doing any transformational work, having a community of safe people for feeling through the emotions is essential. Find like-minded professionals, a study, and/or a meditation group.  Surrendering to LOVE begins with fully knowing and trusting ourselves and surrendering to loving ourselves.  Accessing the essential core of who we are enables us to find joy in life and peace even in the most difficult times.
 
Below are some powerful messages and books of surrender and hope in moving through the darkness or uncertainty that may be a part of the journey.     

• A Course in Miracles’ Manual for Teachers has a significant outline for working on the awareness of the presence of LOVE, along with the process of forgiveness and allowing trust to return.
• 12 Step program’s The Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
• Psalms 71, 1-3, Prayer of Surrender by King David: “In Thee, O Lord, have I taken refuge; Let me never be ashamed.  Deliver me in Thy righteousness, and rescue me; Incline Thine ear upon me, and save me.  Be Thou to me a sheltering rock, whereunto I may continually resort, Which Thou has appointed to save me; For Thou art my rock and my fortress.”
• Pema Choddron’s The Places That Scare You: Point Three – Transformation of Bad Circumstances into the Path of Enlightenment.

 
In Eckhart Tolle’s words, “When you no longer perceive the world as hostile, there is no more fear, and when there is no more fear, you think, speak, and act differently.”  May your Trust and Surrender take you to the greatest place of LOVE you could have ever imagined.

​Linda Goodman, a Mediator, Reiki Master, and Consultant/Coach, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

​Poem by Azizi Blissett 

​breathe In 
breathe Out 
breathe Once 
breathe Twice 
breathe Deep 
breathe Slow 

Surrender to the rhythm 

push Once 
pull Twice 

Surrender to the rhythm 

tense In 
tense Out 

Surrender to the rhythm 

exhale 
inhale 

Surrender to the rhythm 

grip Hard 
grip Tight 

Surrender to the rhythm 

thrust Up 
thrust Down 

Surrender to the rhythm 

move In 
move Out 

press Back 
press Forward 
stand Firm 
stand Still 

Surrender to the rhythm 
open Wide 
close Shut 

Surrender to the rhythm 
Experience the rhythm 
my rhythm 
of letting go

Azizi Blissett, Law of Attraction Life Coach and Founder and Executive Director of zFusion, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Terry Crump

Always say yes to the present moment . . . Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life—and see how life starts suddenly to start working for you rather than against you. –Eckhart Tolle

When I reflect on this concept of surrender, a number of images and phrases come to mind. What emerges is a visualization of people standing in a place of worship, singing with fervor, “I surrender all,” or hearing the hook to a neosoul artist, “Surrender to love, ’cause love is the only way.” I even have flashes of some individual being arrested by the police, with their hands up in the “universal” signal of surrender.  These depictions, however, never connote peace or anything remotely appealing to me. Perhaps it’s because surrender is a place that’s all too familiar.  Digging deeper, I must acknowledge that the need for surrender has frequently disrupted my world, creating loss, precipitating the onslaught of tears, inciting the rise of anger, and an overwhelming desire to scream because once again a goal or dream has been shattered. Things suddenly went left.  

Here are the aspects of surrendering that personally create the most dissonance:
•   The expectation is that I must relinquish control rather than fighting against some typically undesirable outcome.  
•   I’ve constructed a picture of how things are “supposed to be” which is now a mismatch with how they are. This is not what my visualization looked like.
•   There’s a tension between assuming a defeatist stance (i.e., surrendering) versus accepting that things are unfolding in a manner that differs from my expectations.
•   I am not a quitter!
•   I’m really being driven by the fear that my needs will not be met.  Therefore, I must fight harder!
•   I’m being asked to trust and believe that there is some greater good that will come of this, and I just don’t know if I can do that.

There is a nuanced dance wherein we are effective agents of change who persist in actions to chart our own life course, but we also have wisdom in recognizing when surrender is what’s indicated.  To facilitate such recognition, we must reign in the ego, especially those notions that we are always in control.
Surrender requires great strength, though it may appear that we have succumbed to failure. 

I’ve wondered why and how the term “sweet surrender” came to exist when we more often associate this concept with a bitter taste. The term “sweet surrender” is typically used to refer to sudden, unexpected, but pleasant changes, often in the specific context of love. But can it be generalized to other areas of our lives? 

We can’t experience “sweetness” until we identify the need to relinquish control. Bitterness and resentment appear only when we insist on holding on to old ideas that no longer serve us or our reality.

​Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

by Barbara J Hopkinson

Do our spirits really continue?

How do we trust that?

Can we surrender to that belief?
 
When my 21-year-old son Brent died suddenly in a motorcycle accident, it sent me on a multi-year journey to figure out if he was okay and if his spirit really did continue.  At that point, I had gotten away from my Catholic religion and had been working in the international corporate world for years where we were too “busy” to think or talk about such things. 

I didn’t trust any of it, but after that tragedy, I had to find out.

As parents, our #1 job is to protect our children.  I not only needed   hope that my son continued in some form, I needed to confirm his condition, his existence—in any form.  And if I found out there was nothing “after” life here, then at least I’d know.  

I did traditional things like prayer, therapy, and seeking support from family and friends, but I also journaled, learned to meditate, did several kinds of energy healing, went to spiritual development classes, read tons of books, and watched for signs, writing them down.  Two months after Brent’s death, a friend of the family gave me a book written about after-death communications in a very credible way.  Then a couple months later, one of my close friends gave me another book that opened my mid to reincarnation (which I did not then believe in). 

Around that time, I reached out to a medium through a mutual friend, something I had never done before.  I didn’t know what to expect, but was amazed at how “normal” she was and what she knew about my son, mother, and father—things my friend did not know.  I started to hope, to trust . . . but I needed more evidence.  I went to more mediums (referred to me, the best way) and received more and better evidence.

I was also blessed with friends that my son could communicate through to give me messages.  These were people I trusted and did not pay.  After one group meditation, that friend described the flowers Brent gave me for Mother’s Day the year he died, and something I’d put in his casket before closing it, which I told no one about.   She didn’t even know what it was that she was describing, but I knew immediately!  I also saw another friend channel a song from Brent in my living room!  I had a huge emotional reaction and we didn’t know where it came from.  Then she figured it out and he realized she could understand him.  Subsequently, Brent sent her many more messages for me.

One was particularly evident.  I moved into a summer place for a few weeks, where this friend had never been.  I decided to take a walk before unpacking, and on the way back, I got a text from her: “Brent said ‘Be careful going up your front steps, Mom.’”  I smiled, texted “Thanks,” and kept going.  When I got back though, I was amazed!  There was a large crack the length of the front wooden step.  If I’d put my weight on the outside edge, I’d have fallen and hurt myself.  Thank you, Brent!

There are many other signs and examples, and I have started work to chronicle the most credible ones from myself and other families I support in my next book.  I will have these, other books, and many types of resources in my nonprofit’s new web site, coming soon.

These signs bring us hope about our loved ones, and they help us to surrender to the belief that all of our spirits continue and that we can honestly trust that they do!  I hope you can SURRENDER and TRUST.

Barbara J Hopkinson, President and Executive Director of A Butterfly’s Journey nonprofit, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Nanette Littlestone

Do you trust other people? 

That question can seem full of contradictions and complications. Perhaps you trust your parents and your best friend, but you resent authority so not your teachers and government officials. Or you’ve been hurt repeatedly by men in the past, so you only trust women. And so on.

What about trusting yourself? That may seem like an obvious, easy yes, but examine this more closely. Have you ever let yourself down? Broken your word? Failed at something so miserably you could never believe in yourself again?

Circumstances and limiting beliefs create patterns of distrust. We come into this world as loving, caring, compassionate beings ready to express all of ourselves. And slowly we learn that all is not joy and bliss. Kids tease and hurt each other. Friends let you down. Your parents can’t or choose not to give you everything you want. That belief that “everything will be okay” gets tarnished and pretty soon you stop trusting. And when you stop trusting, you constrict your energy. You get in the way of the flow of life. You start telling the universe that your world is not well, and the universe responds accordingly.

With everything going on around you – job, relationship, finances, health – it’s easy to get sidetracked and feel out of sync. Especially with the energy upheavals we’re experiencing now. With all the stuff you’re being asked to let go of, it’s a wonder you can get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes all you can do is breathe. Just take a deep breath, put your foot forward, and move. I’ve been stuck in resistance and old beliefs for several months now with health issues. It is so not fun. But I continue to envision my goal of radiant health and my mantra right now is “I look forward to moving forward.”

This October, when the glory of fall blooms in spectacular bursts of color, we take a look at Trust and Surrender. I look forward to moving forward and exploring this with you as our authors share their insights.

Happy fall! Remember to breathe!

​Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here. 

by Linda Goodman

My Life:  Everyone has a life that is different from the ‘I’ of daily consciousness, a life that is trying to live through the ‘I’ who is its vessel. This is what the poet knows and what every wisdom tradition teaches: there is a great gulf between the way my ego wants to identify me, with its protective masks and self-serving fictions, and my true self.  It takes time and hard experience to sense the difference between the two—to sense that running beneath the surface of the experience I call my life, there is a deeper and truer life waiting to be acknowledged. ‒ Parker Palmer

Perhaps we’ve worked through countless fears, worries, insecurities, and guilt to find a resonating core that is authentically us.  Deeply ingrained principles are a part of every decision we make.  We may be so courageous in making critical decisions that we have come to recognize courage as our true nature.   We may have found intimacy that is real and authentic in sharing vulnerabilities.  Let’s not forget that our core values may be refined over time due to learning experiences and maturity.

Enjoying employment consistent with the core belief systems and the need for a specific service in society is an ideal.  How we handle the growing pains of learning a new corporate culture as well as a new leadership role takes all our tools and less rigidity without forfeiting the clear sense of self.  Being honest and courageous will accompany a leader forward in learning a new style of management without conflicting with one’s true nature, but there is always a need for discernment.  Even the most authentic person on the planet cannot resist change in this fast-paced, multi-cultural, social media world with a workforce of varying emotional intelligence and backgrounds.

Continue to study leadership behaviors, learn to be agile, and utilize mentors who have had experience to share for specific situations.  Learning when to stay silent in order to achieve the best outcome may be foreign but necessary.

Maintain a support group of peers and other business and social friends away from the workplace, even if there’s a time crunch.  They will assist in reviewing negative feedback and offer suggestions.  

Allow your story to be on the resume, a background upon which to build.  Break out of the comfort mold. Being authentic doesn’t mean transparent.  As a leader you can’t tell others of your concerns and insecurities without causing the workforce to lose confidence.  A leader may utilize new authoritative techniques to change the working climate and implement these appropriately through delegation and communication without changing core values.  Lead with empathy and warmth, while keeping the right balance of maintaining one’s true nature and quiet wisdom

And always be aware of preserving self.  Dr. Phil describes being inauthentic as trying to hold a beach ball underwater.  If that becomes the sensation, or if there’s a feeling of burnout or a misalignment with one’s core values, be true to self and make a change that fits with the authentic self and not the ego.

Seeking Authenticity:
• Am I loving myself as much as others?
• Do I belong and have a connection?
• Do I recognize that no one is insignificant?
• Have changes occurred by chance, due to a crisis or by my conscious decisions?
• Do I have the will to keep my life in the trajectory of my choice?
• What are my core values (the rigid ones and the ones that could use some flexibility)?
• Has part of my persona been molded according to the need to please?
• When I look at people I admire, what are the qualities that are important to me?
• Can I drop blaming and using excuses and remember (and pursue) my dreams?

Linda Goodman, a Mediator, Reiki Master, and Consultant/Coach, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Rebecca Kirson

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a Pollyanna. I imagine and often try to create a world from the “magical realism” going on in my head. A world where I am celebrated for my amazingness and light. A world that operates from a set of agreed upon rules, one of them being “No Masks Allowed.” Why use a façade when the real you is so much more powerful and full of luminescence?  

Apparently not everyone got the memo.  

But not to worry!  I saved a copy especially for you:

Dear Beautiful Soul,
First and foremost, thank you for the amount of courage and bravery that it took for you to agree to this experience.  It’s not for the faint of heart.  Mostly because you will forget who you are. You will, in time, seek answers from the people around you. You will look up to them in ways that you don’t look at yourself. You will seek their company, counsel, and confirmation.  You will cherish them while wishing you were different.  (If you knew how incredible you are, that thought alone would make you shudder.)

I have written you this memo so that you can, at any point in time, stop the madness and realize that the magnificence you see in others is the magnificence that exists inside of you. You cannot recognize in another that which you don’t also possess.  

You are amazing. You are adored. You are the company, counsel, and confirmation that you seek. 

The real issue is that you have forgotten. Maybe it was that time you fell down and bumped your crown. Or that stray ball that thumped you on the noggin. As I said, it takes courage to be here!  The physical doesn’t mess around.  When you fall or get hit . . . it hurts!  Look on the bright side. You’re a stronger you because of it. Where was I?  Oh yes . . . you have forgotten who you are.

You are a magnificent being full of joy and bliss.  If at any reason you are not feeling this, it’s simply because you are not in allowance of your truth!  And, yes, there are a gazillion reasons for why that is—another letter at another time—but trust me when I say . . . all non-truths! 

When you are aligned with the real you—your authenticity—you will feel like a million dollars.  Your perma-smile will be so contagious that others will say “I’ll have what she’s having.”  You will feel an internal river of love flowing through you that you express as an exclamation of “I’m so freaking happy to be alive!!”  You’ll skip from place to place because walking is too passive a mode of transport and the level of vital force energy flowing through you needs an outlet.  You’ll send gigantic love to the babies and animals you pass on the street for they are still very, very connected.  Every Soul, another reflection of the source of life streaming through the all.
   
Oh yes, beautiful Soul.  In your authenticity, you will be invigorated.  

I beg of you with the time you have available to remember and create a spectacular life aligned with your Soul Level essence.  

Connect with who you are!—Universal energy: expanded, awakened, alive, expressing itself as Marvelous, Brilliant YOU.

I leave with a final question.

With this knowing . . . why would you ever want to wear a mask?  

Love, 
Full Face Smile - The All, as you, through you and for you.

by Barbara J Hopkinson

How does the word “authentic” relate to grief?

The same as it does in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself.  

Are you being honest about how you feel after the loss of a loved one? Are you taking good enough care of yourself?  Are you listening to others’ opinions over your own intuition on what’s best for you?  Are you open to new things that might help you heal?  

Are you choosing to heal?  

I’ve lost three children, a 30-year marriage, and the sight in my right eye.  Each time, I had to choose to heal . . . and move on.  Once the process was so bad, I attempted suicide. Not successful, thankfully, but it made me realize that I had a choice to make!  I chose to stay alive and do the work to heal, one day at a time, for myself and for my remaining son.  It was so worth it. My life is happy again and I look forward to each new day and to my future.

Through my nonprofit organizations, I support hundreds of families to find a new normal after the loss of a child or other acute grief.  Sometimes, family members seem to want to stay in the pain, to focus on the loss.  They feel guilty if they start to feel better. Is that what their departed children or loved ones want? Is that what remaining family and friends want?  I don’t think so.  You help those who surround you when you help yourself.  And when we choose to heal, we honor our departed loved ones.

Healing is not easy.  It is not quick.  Recognize that each of our grief journeys is unique.  Give others the space and freedom they deserve to heal in their own way.  Try various approaches, new things.  See what works for you. 

Advice from others may be well-meaning, but don’t let it override what your gut is telling you that you need.  Be open to forgive, including yourself.  Most of us are doing the best we can at the time.

Try to focus on the love you shared and the positive memories. It lightens your energy, allows you to attract better things into your life, and makes it easier for your loved ones to connect with you.  Being well is what they want for us.  They are still with us in spirit.  Sometimes you can feel them if you get enough quiet time and focus on the love between you.  Try it!  Be well.

Barbara J Hopkinson, President and Executive Director of A Butterfly’s Journey, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.