by Ricia L. Maxie

At this most extraordinary time of Christmas we’re reminded of the story of Scrooge with his ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. These ghosts appeared to him to bring meaning, life, and light to his lifeless and dreary existence.  In the end we’re reminded to keep an open heart and give subsistence, time, and love to others.  

Yet what I’ve discovered is that there are three more insidious ghosts that can permeate us and tremendously limit our lives.  These are the ghost of Jealousy, the ghost of I Don’t Count, and the ghost of I’m Not Good Enough.

When I was a little girl, the ghost of Jealousy resided in our home—filled the walls, saturated the furniture, and, unfortunately and most importantly, imbued our family.  Because it felt like there wasn’t enough love to go around, family members tried to snatch pieces of love away from each other.  The love was there; we just didn’t know how to share it.  The ghost of Jealousy didn’t start with my family of origin, though.  It had woven through generations of ancestors, twisting and turning until it landed squarely in our family unit.

The ghost of Jealousy wasn’t the only spirit to live with us.  I remember one day as a child, standing in the dining room, and the only boy—my baby brother—was carried home from the hospital.  There had been four girls up until then, and there was to be another girl after him.  I was so excited watching my parents and their friends bring him into our home.  His sweet little body was swaddled in yellow blankets; gifts of all sorts were bestowed upon my parents because they finally had a boy.  I was most delighted because he was my charge.  I would watch after him until I moved out.  Yet it took me many years to discover what clogged my cells that day, blinded my eyes, and filled my mind.  I couldn’t distinguish it at the time—I was just seven—but I knew something ghastly had happened.  Something was different and I wasn’t ever going to be the same.  Jealousy for that sweet boy wasn’t in my heart.  It was something else, something more devious. It was the ghost of I Don’t Count.  

The ghost of I’m Not Good Enough directed the next thirty years of my life, triggering within me the feeling that I didn’t have enough to offer and whatever was offered wasn’t nearly good enough.  Anything I did, whether for my family of origin, my own family, or for work, proved to me that the ghost of I’m Not Good Enough was always the winner.

Fortunately I met something stronger than all of those ghosts: The Angel of Receiving.  The Angel of Receiving is a significant, winged Being, shimmering of luminous light, and born of the Source, the Light, the All That Is.  She moves through each person, permeating each with a glow of light, love, and appreciation when we let her.

All Light comes from the Divine, often through the Angels, and is the original gift.  This loving Light is given to us, and if we don’t have walls it fills us with kindness.  We then have something to give to others, to the world.  Giving makes the difference because it makes the planet a more peaceful and livable place.  But we cannot give unless we have first learned to receive.  We can only receive when we free ourselves of ghosts that cause shadows and lifelessness.

It’s hard to speak with or give to someone who is closed to receiving, closed to the inoculation of beauty and tranquility from the Angel of Receiving.  They have little or no appreciation for your gifts, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual.  I used to give gifts frequently until I learned that giving is nothing without the other half.  One of my spiritual teachers stopped allowing me to do for her until I was able to permit my heart to receive.  Best lesson ever.  When we can both give and receive, the Angel assists us with self-worth and self-esteem.  If we can’t receive, we have nothing to give.  When we’re open to receive then we can give.

If I were to still carry jealousy, I couldn’t appreciate people.  If I still felt I didn’t count, I wouldn’t feel worthy.  And if I believed I wasn’t good enough, no gift of any form that I gave could be from a place of love.  The Angel of Receiving trumps any lifeless ghost.  It’s never too late to learn this valuable message.

​Ricia L. Maxie, An internationally renowned intuitive consultant/mystic, Reiki practitioner, and speaker, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To order your copy of these inspirational books, click here.

by Judy Keating

We have often been told “it is better to give than receive.” It is truly a wonderful feeling when we are able to give to people we love. Society has deemed the giver a more honorable place to be. 

If you have ever been in a relationship where you are always giving, in most cases you become resentful, even if it is unconsciously. Brené Brown, who is world famous for her work in helping people with shame, vulnerability, and worthiness, shared a personal revelation. Do I as a giver have a judgment about the receiver?  Sit with that. Have you ever felt like the person you were giving to was weak or “needed your help?”  

If so, than in your giving you have possibly devalued that other person and it is no wonder that you feel uncomfortable receiving. In our society being weak or needy is paramount to the plague. This mindset muddies the water of being in a relationship. 

When we are in conscious equal partnership with another, we honor, believe, and expect that the giving and receiving will go both ways. Being open to receive is essential. Imagine that you could only breathe out. Eventually you would pass out due to lack of breath. When we breathe in, we receive; when we breathe out we give back and the plants, trees, etc. benefit. What an incredible system that is, automatically set for giving and receiving because it is a natural cycle. Yes, receiving is indeed as virtuous as giving. Without the cycle being completed and flowing in both directions, the energy becomes stagnant and without life force.

Receiving takes vulnerability. It is the art of being open to what life wants to gift you. Are there things, people, and accomplishments in your life that you desire?  Are you ready to receive? 
Here are 3 ways to increase your ability to receive:

1.    Be grateful for what you have. Not the platitude of gratitude. Put your hand on your heart, think of someone, something, or a place that you love. Then breathe into that love and send thanks and appreciation. This helps anchor the gift that appreciation is a way of receiving on a deeper level what someone has given you.

2.    Do not attach to what you want having to come “your way.” We have all tried to figure out how to get something the way we think it should happen. This blocks receiving from many other avenues. And it can prevent us from seeing other potentials and opportunities.

3.    Read Gay Hendricks' The Big Leap which uncovers upper limit beliefs that prevent us from receiving more love, goodness, money, health, or happiness determined by our Upper Limit internal set point. This is about understanding your unconscious beliefs about receiving and ways to change them.

The most profound way you can improve your ability to receive is to notice what you feel when receiving anything—a compliment, help with a heavy door, an unexpected gift or bonus, or someone saying I want to give you (fill in the blank).  Stop and notice what feelings, sensations, or thoughts pop up. Do you deflect, shrink, or feel uncomfortable? Just notice what happens. Becoming conscious of how you receive will give you valuable information about ways to better your acceptance of being open to receive what you desire most—connection, joy, and gratitude for all you have been given.

​Judy Keating M.A. is a co-author of F.A.I.T.H, Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. She is a Master Certified Shift Your Grief ™ Coach, an intuitive healer, Reiki Master, Crystalline Consciousness Technique Advanced Practitioner, sought-after Workshop Facilitator, and Public Speaker. See her website www.innerlifecoaching.net for more information.

by Terry Crump

It’s really important to be able to receive love and receive compassion. It is as important as being able to give it. – Pema Chodron

As the end of the year approaches and the holiday season gets into full swing, I have been reflecting on our practice of giving and receiving gifts.  I have realized that in some ways it has been somewhat easier to accept the gifts that others offer to me during the holidays, a discreet period of time, rather than throughout the year.  Like a distinct badge of honor, I’ve carried around this notion of it “being better to give than to receive,” allowing this belief to resonate from my being, defining who I am—a giver. I’ve also looked around and seen that there are some pretty happy folks who do just fine with receiving. No, these aren’t particularly selfish, self-serving, or needy individuals. Instead, they are ones simply more free in accepting what others offer to them, making no apologies for taking what is given. They are confident with or without the gift.  With this observation in mind, it’s become apparent that one possible root issue around discomfort with receiving is feeling as though one is undeserving of what is good without working hard for it.  There is a lack of confidence in our worthiness and value when we struggle to accept the kindness being lavished upon us without “paying our due.”  We believe, “I must do something to earn this gift.”  

Having lived part of my life in the Caribbean with strong ties to the culture, I can say that there is absolute disdain for “laziness.” So it can be unsettling to think that we are accepting something for which we have not worked.  Can you identify with this? There is also the air of pride that we have worked for everything have.  We are independent, relying on no one, even if that self-reliance comes at a very high cost (e.g., bitterness about how hard a struggle has been, poor physical and/or emotional health after we’ve pushed our bodies beyond what is humanly possible).  Truthfully, sometimes we have underlying feelings of resentment of “not getting back what we give.”  Yet, we still refuse to allow opportunities for reciprocity in receiving acts of compassion. Perhaps we fear how we’ll be perceived for accepting help, or want to avoid feelings of indebtedness to another person because of their generosity. In the end, we may push others away and essentially avoid the intimacy that comes with giving and receiving.

What if we removed our typical capes of helping, doing, and saving others, just allowing ourselves to be nurtured? Flip the script and exchange roles. Consider the fact that your refusal to accept a gift/gesture impacts the other person as well. It may translate to that person as rejection—of their thoughtfulness, sacrifice, general need to be of service, to feel appreciated for some act. 

Starting today, you can choose to recognize your own value. You are enough, just as you are, without embellishment or action or change. You deserve to receive life’s gifts and to simply say, “Thank you!” By receiving, you are affirming yourself, as worthy of the gift, and affirming the giver, recognizing that what s/he has offered you is of value. These are very powerful and meaningful interactions.

​Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

by Suzanne Baker Hogan

Receiving is about opening ourselves up to love, but too often in my life I have blocked it. I have been given wonderful gifts only to fear receiving them. I have worried about putting people through too much trouble, and very quickly, I have felt beholden to them. I immediately assume that I have to give something back in return because too often in my life I have felt unworthy of being given to. And I have closed my heart for fear of feeling vulnerable. And so, I have accepted people’s gifts like flattery that doesn’t stick, and this constricts the natural flow of life – the balanced exchange of giving and receiving.
 
At the end of the day, I have learned that to restrict the exchange of life honors no one. Restricting is an act of separation that leads to immense struggle. It begets a weary battle of taking and losing.
 
Although we may feel vulnerable when we open ourselves up to receive, this effort echoes human courage. It harkens back to the plan we are all acting out here. We didn’t come to this earth to be restricted and to struggle; we came here to be vulnerable and to grow with love. We are here to receive from others, and in that receiving, find great healing that benefits us forever.
 
Receiving heals, and it is one of the most important lessons that I am learning on my journey. And what I am remembering most is that I naturally know how to give and receive. In fact, it's as easy as breathing.
 
I have simply forgotten how to breathe – how to take in and give back effortlessly, without restriction. And it starts with feeling worthy again of this natural exchange, with remembering that I am already an integral part of everything. Self-love gets me back there. It returns me to myself.
 
If I allow myself to truly engage in the spiritual intimacy of life and not fearfully shy away, I make myself available to unfolding gifts of staggering beauty. Receiving and giving then happen effortlessly, without any planning whatsoever. Without recompense of any kind. This is how we each rediscover our immense value and honor each other in the dance of life. It is where both the giver and receiver bask in gratitude and awe-inspiring love.
 
Nature reminds us how. If a tree were to take in water and not give anything back, it wouldn’t be part of divine balance. It wouldn’t sustain us in its essential way. This is what you are here to do, brave soul – sustain us in the ways that only you can, and this requires that you also receive.

We’ve just ended the month of November, the time for Gratitude. Now we’re easing our way into December, the month usually reserved for Giving. The holidays are upon us and it’s all about giving presents. There’s a wonderful scene near the end of The Bishop’s Wife where David Niven, who plays the Bishop, talks about giving. “You give me a book; I give you a tie. Aunt Martha has always wanted an orange squeezer and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe.” We do our best to “get” what our loved ones want. To “give” so they’ll be happy.

But giving is a two-way practice. When you give a gift, you’re giving more than the item. Shopping for gifts involves time and money. Baking cookies involves food and baking skills. Knitting a sweater includes yarn and crafting expertise. Every gift takes something special. But the most special gift of all is love. You give because you care about the person.

That caring raises a huge question. What about you? The person doing the giving. Who’s taking care of you? Are you getting what you want? Are you getting what you need?

Giving is a wonderful act of human kindness. It warms the soul and is truly an act of love. But if you spend all your energy on giving to others, you’ll be worn out, frazzled, frustrated, and depleted. 

We often concentrate so much on giving we fail to receive.  When was the last time you treated yourself to a movie? Went out for dinner? Got a hug? Had someone tell you how beautiful or handsome you are? 

Lavish gifts are not required. Even a simple “I love you” will suffice. As long as you graciously and willingly receive. If you’re the type of person who feels embarrassed when someone does something nice, get over it. It’s time to receive. Receiving is absolutely necessary for good health. 

This month our FAITH authors explore the topic of receiving and how to open yourself up to having more. 

In the meantime, start practicing receiving. Savor the wonderful feeling that comes when you give to yourself or when someone else gives to you. Take it all in. With practice you’ll become a pro. Not only will you get used to receiving, you’ll enjoy it. Imagine that!

​Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here.