​Self-care isn’t always about indulging yourself in manicures and late-night movies (although those are really important). Self-care is about doing what’s needed to have the life you want, no matter how difficult it may seem: Speaking up to your best friend or your boss, recycling the clothes you’ll never fit into no matter how many diets you try, asking for professional help so you can resolve your relationship or insomnia or whatever isn’t working. Now, more than ever, is the time for you to take care of you. The stronger and more centered you are, the easier it will be to weather what crops up.
 
Following are ten ways to step up your positive attitude and overall well-being:

1. Say what you mean. Are you afraid to express yourself because you’ll hurt someone’s feelings or your words might be misconstrued? Speaking up is much more than just saying “no.” When you don’t express yourself or stuff your feelings, people don’t have the opportunity to see and know the real you. Being true to yourself not only empowers you, it empowers those around you. So don’t be afraid to speak your truth. When you say what you mean you honor yourself and you give others the chance to know you, the real you, the one they’re longing to know.
2. Take baby steps. Whatever your goal, you don’t have to get there today. Or even tomorrow. Trying to get there too fast can cause stress and frustration and bring up feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “why can’t I be like him/her?” Remember the wise saying, “All good things come to those who wait.” Picture the Buddha and see yourself smiling and patient. Make one new change in your lifestyle and see how that goes. When that’s working well, then add something else. Take baby steps. There’s no hurry.
3. Let go of the past. Isn’t it amazing how hard it is to let go? Those events that transpired eons ago—the raise you didn’t get, the relationship that failed, a family member saying you’ll never amount to anything—can still create feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt. And all that’s doing is ruining your current life. It’s time to let those puppies go. You don’t have to be stuck with that baggage. Coaching, energy healing, therapy, meditation, inner child work, tapping, there are hundreds of methods to help you access those memories and transform them. And when you rewrite the past, you create a brand new present.
4. Connect with Spirit. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God or the Divine or simply an energy that binds us all together. Seeing, understanding, believing, or knowing about that connection serves to calm you. You could be exercising or deep breathing or just looking at a flower, something that transports you out of your typical awareness. When you’re in that “zone,” you feel a deep inner peace that can transcend time and space. Those little moments are like nectar to your body, mind, and soul.
5. Appreciate yourself. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How do you love yourself? Can you count the ways?” Appreciation goes farther than skin deep. It penetrates to the core of your being and radiates beyond. The more you love yourself, the more lovable you become. We all have our flaws and faults, but this is about finding the things you like. Do you love your eyes, the way you support your friends and family, how you find joy in the little things? Start a list of the things you appreciate, at least one per day, and tell yourself how much you love that quality. Before you know it you’ll be in love with YOU.
6. Reward yourself. Are you searching for acknowledgment? Recognition? A little praise? You don’t have to wait for someone else to give it. Give it to yourself! It’s easy to overlook all the little things you do—cleaning the house, exercising, finishing that painting. But all those things matter and create space for the bigger things—an inviting home, a well-toned body, winning first place at the art show. Acknowledge your successes and reward yourself (the reward begins a pattern of self-acknowledgment). Take a bubble bath with lighted candles and soft music. Indulge in that dark chocolate. Buy yourself a new dress. You deserve it!
7. Get up and move. Exercise may be a dreaded word, but the body is designed to move. Exercise improves your mood, increases endorphins, and decreases stress. So get up and move! You don’t have to join a gym. Even little movements can help. Try stretching or ease into yoga or qigong. Walking outdoors is fantastic. Or dust off your stationary bicycle or elliptical machine. If you’re at work and you only have a minute or two, get up from your desk and take a brisk walk around the office. Movement makes the body happy and a happy body means a happier you.
8. Be grateful. Giving thanks is one of the most important aspects of self-care. If you do nothing else, be grateful for who you are and what you have. As in self-appreciation, find something to be thankful for—your job, your friends, your spouse, your health, your house, the food you eat, the ground under your feet. Nothing is too small. Giving thanks creates a beautiful vibration that increases your prosperity and attracts more to be thankful for. [Try the thirty-day experiment in Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout.]
9. Laugh and play. When was the last time you felt like a little kid? Remember playtime? Hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks? Games that made you laugh and squeal with pleasure? Your inner child is still with you, wanting to come out and play. Fun lights up your soul and makes you radiate with joy. So dip your toes into a nearby lake, pull out the croquet set, play some badminton or horseshoes or miniature golf. Get your joy on! You might be surprised how wonderful you feel.
10. Follow your dreams. Now that you’ve revitalized your inner child, take a moment and recapture your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Dreams are fueled by your imagination, and your imagination is endless. If you wanted to be a painter, what about a painting class? If you thought about writing, try an online course or join a writer’s group. If you wanted to be an astronaut, visit a space camp. It’s never too late. Creativity and exploration are like candy to your soul. So let your imagination loose and explore. You’ll feel recharged and restored.

 
There’s no guarantee that life won’t throw you more curve-balls. As we all know, it’s a crazy obstacle course. But if you use some or all of the steps here, you will be a happier, healthier, and more prosperous YOU.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal, ​July 2018]

by Linda Goodman

My Life:  Everyone has a life that is different from the ‘I’ of daily consciousness, a life that is trying to live through the ‘I’ who is its vessel. This is what the poet knows and what every wisdom tradition teaches: there is a great gulf between the way my ego wants to identify me, with its protective masks and self-serving fictions, and my true self.  It takes time and hard experience to sense the difference between the two—to sense that running beneath the surface of the experience I call my life, there is a deeper and truer life waiting to be acknowledged. ‒ Parker Palmer

Perhaps we’ve worked through countless fears, worries, insecurities, and guilt to find a resonating core that is authentically us.  Deeply ingrained principles are a part of every decision we make.  We may be so courageous in making critical decisions that we have come to recognize courage as our true nature.   We may have found intimacy that is real and authentic in sharing vulnerabilities.  Let’s not forget that our core values may be refined over time due to learning experiences and maturity.

Enjoying employment consistent with the core belief systems and the need for a specific service in society is an ideal.  How we handle the growing pains of learning a new corporate culture as well as a new leadership role takes all our tools and less rigidity without forfeiting the clear sense of self.  Being honest and courageous will accompany a leader forward in learning a new style of management without conflicting with one’s true nature, but there is always a need for discernment.  Even the most authentic person on the planet cannot resist change in this fast-paced, multi-cultural, social media world with a workforce of varying emotional intelligence and backgrounds.

Continue to study leadership behaviors, learn to be agile, and utilize mentors who have had experience to share for specific situations.  Learning when to stay silent in order to achieve the best outcome may be foreign but necessary.

Maintain a support group of peers and other business and social friends away from the workplace, even if there’s a time crunch.  They will assist in reviewing negative feedback and offer suggestions.  

Allow your story to be on the resume, a background upon which to build.  Break out of the comfort mold. Being authentic doesn’t mean transparent.  As a leader you can’t tell others of your concerns and insecurities without causing the workforce to lose confidence.  A leader may utilize new authoritative techniques to change the working climate and implement these appropriately through delegation and communication without changing core values.  Lead with empathy and warmth, while keeping the right balance of maintaining one’s true nature and quiet wisdom

And always be aware of preserving self.  Dr. Phil describes being inauthentic as trying to hold a beach ball underwater.  If that becomes the sensation, or if there’s a feeling of burnout or a misalignment with one’s core values, be true to self and make a change that fits with the authentic self and not the ego.

Seeking Authenticity:
• Am I loving myself as much as others?
• Do I belong and have a connection?
• Do I recognize that no one is insignificant?
• Have changes occurred by chance, due to a crisis or by my conscious decisions?
• Do I have the will to keep my life in the trajectory of my choice?
• What are my core values (the rigid ones and the ones that could use some flexibility)?
• Has part of my persona been molded according to the need to please?
• When I look at people I admire, what are the qualities that are important to me?
• Can I drop blaming and using excuses and remember (and pursue) my dreams?

Linda Goodman, a Mediator, Reiki Master, and Consultant/Coach, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Terry Crump

"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." - Maya Angelou

We develop palates to savor fine wines and distinguish nuanced flavors in foods, taking pride in our ability to appreciate things of quality.  As consumers of art, designer clothing/accessories, or gemstones we insist that there be some stamp or certificate of authenticity because we are drawn to accumulate unique possessions. Even when beachcombing for shells we assemble only a diverse and unusual array. For us, there’s no denying that originality and authenticity bear high value.

Somehow, when we start to apply the same expectation of authenticity to ourselves, the rules change. Anxiety and worry dominate. The shoulds, oughts, and musts emerge, as does the script of what we can do, of how we can be.  “I can’t do that . . . I don’t want to stand out . . . I’m staying under the radar . . . they’ll think I’m nuts!” Sound familiar? We allow our need for external validation to be paramount to avoid exposing who we really are for fear of rejection, assuming that acceptance dictates that we look and behave like everybody else. Normalcy. The harshest criticisms come from our own minds, rehearsing perfected punitive messages that we have honed over time. While being original, unique, and even flawed may sound moderately appealing in the abstract, we fail to embrace or actualize these concepts in our everyday lives.  One of the life truths that I continue to work through is that it is impossible to portray authenticity without self-acceptance.

Several years ago while on a Caribbean vacation celebrating a big birthday, I was looking for entertainment in my hotel but things were a bit slow that night.  Disappointed but determined to have some fun, my travel mate and I decided to make the evening festive.  Before I knew it, we had managed to invigorate the two-person reggae band and perform with them, started a conga line insisting that other guests in the lobby join in, and assembled a sizable crowd.  The libations were flowing; everyone was having a phenomenal time.  As the evening drew to an end, fellow guests were asking what our plans were on the following day.  We had forged a connection! At various points during the evening, I could hear the typical script in my head that I am an introvert, not one who readily makes friends with strangers, and certainly not one who dances in the middle of a hotel lobby.  I managed to ignore that inner voice.  Guess what, it was one of my more memorable birthday vacations. That effervescent woman who loves life, enjoys music and dancing, and laughs heartily is me, but she has too often been suppressed by ideas about how she appears to others. While I’d like to say that this experience has forever changed my approach to living, I can’t. But I can state that I repeatedly call upon this memory when the “what will people say” script begins to run. Thoughts of this time help with decision making about the version of myself that will “show up” for any given event, making it easier to just be me.  

Here’s why the real you should show up: Authenticity allows for connection to others, fosters self-fulfillment, and engenders joy.  With greater maturity, I’ve invariably realized my preference for wearing a certificate of authenticity proudly rather than looking in the mirror and failing to recognize the woman that’s staring back. It’s so much simpler . . . and lots more fun.

Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

We’ve become wed (or welded) to our computers and electronic devices and beset with the need to interact on social media. If you’re not on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and 20 other sites I know nothing about, you’re living in the dark ages. So you blog and tweet and post pictures of your family, and everything’s great. Right?

Not so much. Every day it gets harder and harder to stand out in the crowd. What makes you different? Why should people care? If you don’t have an email list of 5,000 or 10,000 followers on Twitter, who will see you?  

One way to make people notice is to be authentic. Don’t copy everyone else. Be you. The real you. If you hate chocolate, say so. If you’re surrounded by dog lovers and you prefer cats, say so. If you’re unhappy with your circumstances and want change, say so. The more authentic you are, the easier it will be for people to know and understand you.

Being authentic does come with a warning. When you stand out people may not agree with you. They may dislike you. They may even oppose you. I’m not advocating fighting, belligerence, or even bad manners. You can be polite, and firm, and still be you. Your authentic self. And when you’re really “you” the people around you who disagree will fade away and the people who want more of you will be attracted.

This month the authors of FAITH, Volume II discuss authenticity and how it affects you and the people around you. Come join us. It’s a wonderful, magical, uplifting process. Try it. I dare you. 

Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here. 

by Rebecca Kirson

There are many truths about the wondrous world we live in.  Among them is the fact that we are not alone on this magical carpet ride.  Even when we feel like an island, we are most certainly not. Relationships color every aspect and period of our lives from our childhood to adolescence, middle age, and beyond.  We are encouraged to “build a deep bench” to partner up and to forge long lasting bonds with the special people we have chosen to let into the intimate details of our lives. 

In my experience, I’ve found relationships to be the most difficult area to navigate and the most rewarding.  Learning how to energetically dance with another is just that . . . a dance. We open ourselves up to being vulnerable, to learning how to read others and respond to them. We navigate the sea of emotions that comes from taking another person’s perspective of who we are, how we are doing, and their vantage point of how it should be into consideration. (A truth of human behavior: everyone seems to have an opinion on what everyone else is doing!) Regardless of our view, relationships bring us the best opportunity for learning and growth. Below are some ways to reap the rewards of healthy relationships without wanting to run for the hills because you haven’t quite learned how to do the dance.

Boundaries

There is no better place to learn about boundaries than by being with other people. Where each person falls on the spectrum (having boundaries, not having them, and never having heard of them) is as varied as a Crayola box of 64.

Boundaries exist for a reason but there is nothing like being around someone who doesn’t understand that concept to underscore them even more. That’s the beauty of being with others, learning more about “where I begin” and “I end” compared to “where you begin” and “you end.” In our current third dimensional experience, which is as far away from oneness as we can possibly be, individuation becomes even more highlighted. Our ability to learn, as we draw the invisible lines of boundary, promotes the very discovery of our truth and authenticity in ways that would have been difficult on our own.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

One of the greatest effects of having relationships is that we often get a mirror reflection of who we are being. Most of us have blind spots--insidious little corners we can’t see around in the journey to know ourselves. By being in relationship with others, we are often able to see traits that they have that we possess as well. On first glance we may not see aspects of them in ourselves, but with a little digging and open mindedness the similarities become apparent. Our universe is set up with organizing principles. One of these is that like attracts like.  Often the people we choose to be around are mirror reflections of who we are being. This is a great way to connect in more deeply with the blind spots we have about ourselves given that we can step out of denial and truly be present to our relationships with open and honest eyes.

Contrast

If similarity is a benefit of relationships, then the reverse must also be true. We can also use contrast to learn more about the truth of who we are, who we are not, who we want to be, and all spaces in between.  As a person who likes to keep things clean and neat, there is nothing like me spending time with someone on the opposite side of the spectrum (clutter and disarray) to reinforce that yes, indeed, what feels best to me is organization, beauty, and order. Contrast allows me to immerse myself deeper into my truth while validating someone else’s truth without judgment (even though you and I both know order is really the way to go . . . just kidding). Variety is what keeps life interesting and contrast is what allows each of us to know what works best for us individually. 

Conclusion

Relationships are a necessity of life.  They provide so much potential for the advancement of learning about ourselves and others in ways that few other things can.  Relationships can be exhilarating, uplifting, or frustrating and difficult but they are always “profound teachers of our human experience.”

In our never ending quest for happiness, it is apparent that relationships will be one of the necessities for achieving it.  As Christopher McCandless wrote in his final days from the riveting movie Into the Wild, “Happiness is only real when shared.”

by Maureen Roe

Words, art, music, voice, dance, hair styles, and fashion are just some of the many ways we express ourselves.  But are you fully expressed?  

Oh, to be a child again and not experience the pressures of society or the concern for what people think of us—things we’ve learned that cause us to judge ourselves and others.

As a fully expressed adult you would reemerge as someone who doesn’t worry about what others think because you fully accept all of yourself and live in peace. You express your true feelings to others in a kind way so that nothing goes unsaid in the relationship and you show your true and authentic self to those you encounter.

One of the hardest parts to this formula, which we see played out in many ways in society, is letting others define your life, like parents who assert undue influence for their children to go into a certain field, or just the pressure from society as to what is acceptable for a job or career. For example, say you are an extremely intuitive individual, but you were always made to feel uncomfortable or ashamed of your abilities, so you become a CPA. You may be good with numbers and you may be fairly successful, but you don’t feel fulfilled because society has defined your true nature as something not acceptable.

Going against the grain is appealing to some with a rebellious attitude, but for those who suffer in silence it can be agony. Usually these suppressed needs surface in the form of addictions such as drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, sex, and more. None of these result in satisfaction no matter how it plays out.  

At a certain age we may just become tired of worrying what others think of us and we may start pursuing our passions but some never do because they don’t know how to get past what other people think. Fortunately, there are many people to help you overcome these issues and it is easier than you think.

Here are some things you can do now to be more fully self-expressed:
• Become an observer of your own life. Know who you are so you can expand your focus of who you know yourself to be. Pursue passions or try new things that appeal to you for some unknown reason.
• Speak your truth in the moment. You may have fear of speaking up in the moment, but notice what feeling you have when you don’t and practice communication 101. State how you feel when the other person says or does whatever made you uncomfortable.
• Be willing to live your truth by recognizing what or who isn’t working in your life and be willing to make adjustments so that you can be more at peace in your life.

Maureen Roe is a Self-Expression Coach, Registered Corporate Coach, Metaphysical Minister, Ageless Grace Educator, speaker, and co-author of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Corinna Murray

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. —Ralph Waldo Emerson


Authentic self-expression of ourselves is an integral part of living a balanced and meaningful life because that is how we contribute our unique qualities and gifts to the world. At times we may be reluctant to express ourselves openly because we feel vulnerable, exposed, or even misunderstood. Yet when we hold back and play safe and small, we sabotage our potential and restrict our ability to contribute and connect. When we align with our authentic flow of self, expressing our truth, we access a way of being that goes beyond the superficial display of our personality. We connect to a way of being that communicates our essential truth through our essence in voice, behavior, and even through our quiet presence.

Self-awareness is essential to authentic self-expression, just as it is to spiritual growth. When we gain awareness about the way we approach life and look at the world, we can only then notice that we choose our experiences. If our perspective is one of fear, frustration, or anger, then our self-expression will also be filtered through those same negative emotions, recreating old emotional patterns and behaviors. If our perspective is one of love, acceptance, and gratitude, we open to our natural state of positive self-expression and we begin to transform our reality. When we communicate from our core selves with our pure voice, it becomes simple, gentle, accepting, and appreciative. In this flow of emotional awareness and expression, we are able to share our true selves with the world through our intentions, thoughts, speech, and actions. When we are truly conscious of our purest self, life flows naturally, sweetly, and effortlessly. We don’t need to struggle to feel understood. It is simply enough to be present and aware.

When you make a commitment to be who you really are and make choices that allow you to express yourself like no one else can, you connect to that place within where your inner truth resides. You open to allow your truth and creativity to radiate your unique essence and contribution to life. By creating clear intentions that come from your inner truth, with awareness and choice, you dissolve your potential for self-sabotage. This is the prelude to sweet success. Trust the intelligence of nature to manage the details. 

Today, set an intention for clear communication from your heart. Allow it to manifest in the ordinary experience of the day as it unfolds. No one else can be who you are. No one else can fulfill your role in life. The simple truth that you were created requires you to come forward to be and express your true self. When you do, you encourage everyone else to shine from their true selves as well. Today, simply remember that you are an essential life force, here to shine your light into the world in your own irreplaceable way.

Corinna Murray, DVM, CPC is a veterinarian, iPEC Certified Professional Coach, and founder of EnHABiT and Veterinary Care Navigation. She is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Nanette Littlestone

Welcome to summer! July has always been one of my favorite months because of summer, the 4th of July festivities, and my birthday. I love celebrating with family and friends, eating outside, enjoying the warm nights. A wonderful scene made only more perfect if I lived by the ocean.

This month F.A.I.T.H. explores self-expression. Who are you being? Not “who are you” but “who do you say you are?” There’s a difference. 

When I was a kid I was very shy. Extremely shy. I didn’t know how to start a conversation or keep a conversation going. If you spoke to me I would answer but I didn’t know how to question or show interest in someone. And my third grade teacher told my mother to tell me that something I said hurt another kid’s feelings. So I clammed up even more.

That was the outside me. The inside me was an explorer and round-the-world traveler who yearned for adventure in distant lands. I was confident and bold, spoke numerous languages, and could hold my own with anyone. Needless to say, no one saw the inside me. 

Life is full of challenges and obstacles. All of us have faced rejection in jobs, relationships, sports, and other areas. Those rejections can depress you or make you stronger. You choose how you react. I could have stayed small and withdrawn, but my soul cried out for the real me to stand up. And after more than 50 years of hiding my opinion, I began to claim my power and my ability to speak out.

So who are you expressing? The limited you or the powerful you? Corinna Murray starts our exploration next week.

Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here.

by Azizi Blissett 

I love the artistic side of me.  It allows me to let go, play, and have fun. It is a spiritual and freeing experience. It feels great to just be and let my creative juices flow. And when I am done, I find that there is always a message that Spirit gives back to me. A reminder and inspiration to experience all that my heart desires. Through art, I have learned that my healing begins with my imagination. It is the bridge that opens the doorway to all possibilities. Art heals my soul and gives new meaning to my life. 

by Corinna Murray

"Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart." Native American Proverb

What captivates you and lights you up more than anything else? What compels you, excites you, and feels effortless in your experiencing of it? 

Trust your first thoughts. Listen with your heart. These are your guides that reveal your true passions and desires. These are your sign posts that ultimately lead you to your gifts and your life’s purpose.

When we honor the compelling nature of our heartfelt desires, we connect with our destiny in that very moment. This is bliss. Just as children live in the moment with passion, they effortlessly experience life from a state of wonder, playfulness, creativity, and delight. It is contagious and invigorating. These states are also powerfully healing and our most healthy states of being. Not only do our bodies function optimally, so do our minds. When we live in these states where we experience joy, not only do we in turn gift that Joy back to the world and others but we are a conduit for cultivating the best of ourselves and living our purpose.

But, oh . . .

Many of us abandoned our true nature and passions as we grew into adulthood. Many of us were taught that “childish behavior” was somehow bad, that life was serious and hard. Struggle became a virtue for many and a way of life for most. We disconnected from our passions and desires, often with judgment that our passions and desires were somehow inherently foolish, selfish, or frivolous. Our health suffered as did many of our relationships. Unconscious choices often led to self-medicating with addictive behaviors and patterns of coping.

Ouch, but quite true for many of us. With compassion for yourself and others, keep in mind how difficult it can be to arrive at a destination if you don’t know what it is or where you are going. This is especially true for your life’s journey and realizing your purpose, your bliss. To realize your deepest desires and therefore your purpose, notice what brings you joy, what feels good and right and wonderful to you. By following this guidance, with focused intention, you create your life, expanding your understanding of yourself, and you open to the expansive life you are meant to live . . . your destiny.

Set aside some time today to do something you thoroughly enjoy. It can be anything . . . a walk with your dog, reading a good book, or creating a delicious meal. Do it purely for the joy it brings you. When you lie in bed tonight, revisit these moments in your mind, considering why this activity felt good to you or brought you joy. Set your intention to wake the next day in this same state and notice what unfolds.