We’ve just ended the month of November, the time for Gratitude. Now we’re easing our way into December, the month usually reserved for Giving. The holidays are upon us and it’s all about giving presents. There’s a wonderful scene near the end of The Bishop’s Wife where David Niven, who plays the Bishop, talks about giving. “You give me a book; I give you a tie. Aunt Martha has always wanted an orange squeezer and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe.” We do our best to “get” what our loved ones want. To “give” so they’ll be happy.

But giving is a two-way practice. When you give a gift, you’re giving more than the item. Shopping for gifts involves time and money. Baking cookies involves food and baking skills. Knitting a sweater includes yarn and crafting expertise. Every gift takes something special. But the most special gift of all is love. You give because you care about the person.

That caring raises a huge question. What about you? The person doing the giving. Who’s taking care of you? Are you getting what you want? Are you getting what you need?

Giving is a wonderful act of human kindness. It warms the soul and is truly an act of love. But if you spend all your energy on giving to others, you’ll be worn out, frazzled, frustrated, and depleted. 

We often concentrate so much on giving we fail to receive.  When was the last time you treated yourself to a movie? Went out for dinner? Got a hug? Had someone tell you how beautiful or handsome you are? 

Lavish gifts are not required. Even a simple “I love you” will suffice. As long as you graciously and willingly receive. If you’re the type of person who feels embarrassed when someone does something nice, get over it. It’s time to receive. Receiving is absolutely necessary for good health. 

This month our FAITH authors explore the topic of receiving and how to open yourself up to having more. 

In the meantime, start practicing receiving. Savor the wonderful feeling that comes when you give to yourself or when someone else gives to you. Take it all in. With practice you’ll become a pro. Not only will you get used to receiving, you’ll enjoy it. Imagine that!

​Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here. 

by Terry Crump

"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." - Maya Angelou

We develop palates to savor fine wines and distinguish nuanced flavors in foods, taking pride in our ability to appreciate things of quality.  As consumers of art, designer clothing/accessories, or gemstones we insist that there be some stamp or certificate of authenticity because we are drawn to accumulate unique possessions. Even when beachcombing for shells we assemble only a diverse and unusual array. For us, there’s no denying that originality and authenticity bear high value.

Somehow, when we start to apply the same expectation of authenticity to ourselves, the rules change. Anxiety and worry dominate. The shoulds, oughts, and musts emerge, as does the script of what we can do, of how we can be.  “I can’t do that . . . I don’t want to stand out . . . I’m staying under the radar . . . they’ll think I’m nuts!” Sound familiar? We allow our need for external validation to be paramount to avoid exposing who we really are for fear of rejection, assuming that acceptance dictates that we look and behave like everybody else. Normalcy. The harshest criticisms come from our own minds, rehearsing perfected punitive messages that we have honed over time. While being original, unique, and even flawed may sound moderately appealing in the abstract, we fail to embrace or actualize these concepts in our everyday lives.  One of the life truths that I continue to work through is that it is impossible to portray authenticity without self-acceptance.

Several years ago while on a Caribbean vacation celebrating a big birthday, I was looking for entertainment in my hotel but things were a bit slow that night.  Disappointed but determined to have some fun, my travel mate and I decided to make the evening festive.  Before I knew it, we had managed to invigorate the two-person reggae band and perform with them, started a conga line insisting that other guests in the lobby join in, and assembled a sizable crowd.  The libations were flowing; everyone was having a phenomenal time.  As the evening drew to an end, fellow guests were asking what our plans were on the following day.  We had forged a connection! At various points during the evening, I could hear the typical script in my head that I am an introvert, not one who readily makes friends with strangers, and certainly not one who dances in the middle of a hotel lobby.  I managed to ignore that inner voice.  Guess what, it was one of my more memorable birthday vacations. That effervescent woman who loves life, enjoys music and dancing, and laughs heartily is me, but she has too often been suppressed by ideas about how she appears to others. While I’d like to say that this experience has forever changed my approach to living, I can’t. But I can state that I repeatedly call upon this memory when the “what will people say” script begins to run. Thoughts of this time help with decision making about the version of myself that will “show up” for any given event, making it easier to just be me.  

Here’s why the real you should show up: Authenticity allows for connection to others, fosters self-fulfillment, and engenders joy.  With greater maturity, I’ve invariably realized my preference for wearing a certificate of authenticity proudly rather than looking in the mirror and failing to recognize the woman that’s staring back. It’s so much simpler . . . and lots more fun.

Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

by Rebecca Kirson

There are many truths about the wondrous world we live in.  Among them is the fact that we are not alone on this magical carpet ride.  Even when we feel like an island, we are most certainly not. Relationships color every aspect and period of our lives from our childhood to adolescence, middle age, and beyond.  We are encouraged to “build a deep bench” to partner up and to forge long lasting bonds with the special people we have chosen to let into the intimate details of our lives. 

In my experience, I’ve found relationships to be the most difficult area to navigate and the most rewarding.  Learning how to energetically dance with another is just that . . . a dance. We open ourselves up to being vulnerable, to learning how to read others and respond to them. We navigate the sea of emotions that comes from taking another person’s perspective of who we are, how we are doing, and their vantage point of how it should be into consideration. (A truth of human behavior: everyone seems to have an opinion on what everyone else is doing!) Regardless of our view, relationships bring us the best opportunity for learning and growth. Below are some ways to reap the rewards of healthy relationships without wanting to run for the hills because you haven’t quite learned how to do the dance.

Boundaries

There is no better place to learn about boundaries than by being with other people. Where each person falls on the spectrum (having boundaries, not having them, and never having heard of them) is as varied as a Crayola box of 64.

Boundaries exist for a reason but there is nothing like being around someone who doesn’t understand that concept to underscore them even more. That’s the beauty of being with others, learning more about “where I begin” and “I end” compared to “where you begin” and “you end.” In our current third dimensional experience, which is as far away from oneness as we can possibly be, individuation becomes even more highlighted. Our ability to learn, as we draw the invisible lines of boundary, promotes the very discovery of our truth and authenticity in ways that would have been difficult on our own.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

One of the greatest effects of having relationships is that we often get a mirror reflection of who we are being. Most of us have blind spots--insidious little corners we can’t see around in the journey to know ourselves. By being in relationship with others, we are often able to see traits that they have that we possess as well. On first glance we may not see aspects of them in ourselves, but with a little digging and open mindedness the similarities become apparent. Our universe is set up with organizing principles. One of these is that like attracts like.  Often the people we choose to be around are mirror reflections of who we are being. This is a great way to connect in more deeply with the blind spots we have about ourselves given that we can step out of denial and truly be present to our relationships with open and honest eyes.

Contrast

If similarity is a benefit of relationships, then the reverse must also be true. We can also use contrast to learn more about the truth of who we are, who we are not, who we want to be, and all spaces in between.  As a person who likes to keep things clean and neat, there is nothing like me spending time with someone on the opposite side of the spectrum (clutter and disarray) to reinforce that yes, indeed, what feels best to me is organization, beauty, and order. Contrast allows me to immerse myself deeper into my truth while validating someone else’s truth without judgment (even though you and I both know order is really the way to go . . . just kidding). Variety is what keeps life interesting and contrast is what allows each of us to know what works best for us individually. 

Conclusion

Relationships are a necessity of life.  They provide so much potential for the advancement of learning about ourselves and others in ways that few other things can.  Relationships can be exhilarating, uplifting, or frustrating and difficult but they are always “profound teachers of our human experience.”

In our never ending quest for happiness, it is apparent that relationships will be one of the necessities for achieving it.  As Christopher McCandless wrote in his final days from the riveting movie Into the Wild, “Happiness is only real when shared.”

by Nanette Littlestone

Welcome to summer! July has always been one of my favorite months because of summer, the 4th of July festivities, and my birthday. I love celebrating with family and friends, eating outside, enjoying the warm nights. A wonderful scene made only more perfect if I lived by the ocean.

This month F.A.I.T.H. explores self-expression. Who are you being? Not “who are you” but “who do you say you are?” There’s a difference. 

When I was a kid I was very shy. Extremely shy. I didn’t know how to start a conversation or keep a conversation going. If you spoke to me I would answer but I didn’t know how to question or show interest in someone. And my third grade teacher told my mother to tell me that something I said hurt another kid’s feelings. So I clammed up even more.

That was the outside me. The inside me was an explorer and round-the-world traveler who yearned for adventure in distant lands. I was confident and bold, spoke numerous languages, and could hold my own with anyone. Needless to say, no one saw the inside me. 

Life is full of challenges and obstacles. All of us have faced rejection in jobs, relationships, sports, and other areas. Those rejections can depress you or make you stronger. You choose how you react. I could have stayed small and withdrawn, but my soul cried out for the real me to stand up. And after more than 50 years of hiding my opinion, I began to claim my power and my ability to speak out.

So who are you expressing? The limited you or the powerful you? Corinna Murray starts our exploration next week.

Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here.

by Terry Crump

Have you ever been astonished when an individual responds to inquiries about how s/he is doing with, “I am well,” despite significant pain or serious disease? In these types of situations, we might think, “Oh she’s trying to keep a positive outlook; he’s hoping for the best. “ If we are honest with ourselves, more often we tend to be critical, privately thinking that this person should just acknowledge that s/he is struggling, deal with reality, “Stop frontin’!”  It’s easy to embrace the popular cultural viewpoint focusing primarily on one aspect of the self—the physical self, that which can be seen. It’s the same perspective that may overvalue aesthetics and physical appeal while minimizing internal characteristics and traits. But what about the Spirit and/or Soul of a person? Is it possible for one’s Spirit and Soul to be well even in dire circumstances and challenging life experiences? Are some people electing to attend to that which cannot be seen, to those things that may actually be more salient to them and to their survival? Can you feed the Spirit, nurture the Soul, and celebrate life even in the face of the most adverse situations? 

Undoubtedly, yes!  However, first we must adopt a more whole and less reductionist view of ourselves. We are more than just our bodies, with or without its frailties, or appearance, or skin.  These are aspects of our being that don’t necessarily define us. They don’t represent the essence of who we are. Parts of the self may be encountering very challenging circumstances and yet one’s Spirit and Soul can thrive.  It’s the duality of wellness.  If we recognize that a person may present as physically healthy and strong, and yet be suffering emotionally, conversely, one may actually be well and have Lupus or Parkinson’s (pick any feared condition). This is the paradox of being well with illness. 

The challenge for us is to embrace more consistently a wider perspective on wellness, one that is multilayered or multidimensional. Are you emotionally well? Spiritually well? Financially well? Imagine how rich our conversations could be, how connected to each other we would feel if we truly expressed interest in all aspects of the self when we dialogue with each other.  I am not suggesting that we have to examine these intricacies each time we meet, or share all of this with everyone.  But wouldn’t it be nice to expand our thinking about wellness, be less superficial with each other, and be more health-promoting in our exchanges? One of the more apparent benefits would be to reduce isolation and increase connection.

Today, I encourage you to be well in more than just one area. Are you well? Is your soul well? Indeed, I am well.

Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.