For years I prayed for guidance, asking God to send me a sign, preferably large and neon so I wouldn’t miss it. Well, I didn’t get that, but I do get lots of whispers in my head that give me book titles and scenes for my stories, and I get feelings of joy and lightness and bubbles of excitement when I’m about to undertake something wonderful.

How do you tune in? Do you have a feeling in your gut, your chest, your head? Do you hear words or sounds or see color?

These things are your road map for a better life. If you don’t follow the signs, you can end up depressed, frustrated, and deeply unhappy. If you do follow them, you’re on the road to life that’s more fulfilling and happier and exciting.

I’ve been talking about marketing yourself, your business, and your books and I firmly believe that writers need to do that. We have to let people know about what we do. But I’m a terrible follower in this case. I’m much more in the camp of telling, not showing. So I resolved to do something about it and I contacted a marketing coach and had a conversation. She asked about me and my business and what kinds of marketing I’ve used and I gave ridiculously brief answers. It was painful to talk about me. I just wanted her to solve the problem and tell me what to do. Through her patience and questioning she finally got enough information and told me that I needed to find my “why”—what’s driving me to want more customers? What will I do with the increase in money? What happens after I pay the bills and have some money left over. In other words, what do I want?

I couldn’t answer her. I blanked. We ended the call with her telling me about her programs and she suggested I think it over and get back to her in a few days.

The whole conversation felt like moving through sludge. I wasn’t at all excited. I figured she could help me if I was willing to do the work, but was I any more willing now than before?

Shortly after that call I tuned into a webinar about financial freedom from a spiritual perspective, using the elements to help you create and maintain balance in your life. From the beginning, I was captivated with the tone of the speaker and the information that was shared. My being lit up, and that warm, bubbly feeling flowed through me. I was excited! And before the webinar ended I signed up for the program.

What a difference in those two calls.

The sludgy feeling I had in the marketing call was my intuition telling me this wasn’t right. There was nothing wrong with the marketing coach or her program. I know she’s wonderful. Other people have used her and find her amazing. But she’s not for me. And the warm, bubbly feeling of joy and lightness I had with the financial freedom program was a clear sign that it was a fit.
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We’re meant to have fun, to be filled with joy, to do what we love. Work can be play if it excites you and makes you feel good. So, are you tuning in? What are you feeling or hearing? Your intuition is there for you, pointing the way. Take its advice.

​Self-care isn’t always about indulging yourself in manicures and late-night movies (although those are really important). Self-care is about doing what’s needed to have the life you want, no matter how difficult it may seem: Speaking up to your best friend or your boss, recycling the clothes you’ll never fit into no matter how many diets you try, asking for professional help so you can resolve your relationship or insomnia or whatever isn’t working. Now, more than ever, is the time for you to take care of you. The stronger and more centered you are, the easier it will be to weather what crops up.
 
Following are ten ways to step up your positive attitude and overall well-being:

1. Say what you mean. Are you afraid to express yourself because you’ll hurt someone’s feelings or your words might be misconstrued? Speaking up is much more than just saying “no.” When you don’t express yourself or stuff your feelings, people don’t have the opportunity to see and know the real you. Being true to yourself not only empowers you, it empowers those around you. So don’t be afraid to speak your truth. When you say what you mean you honor yourself and you give others the chance to know you, the real you, the one they’re longing to know.
2. Take baby steps. Whatever your goal, you don’t have to get there today. Or even tomorrow. Trying to get there too fast can cause stress and frustration and bring up feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “why can’t I be like him/her?” Remember the wise saying, “All good things come to those who wait.” Picture the Buddha and see yourself smiling and patient. Make one new change in your lifestyle and see how that goes. When that’s working well, then add something else. Take baby steps. There’s no hurry.
3. Let go of the past. Isn’t it amazing how hard it is to let go? Those events that transpired eons ago—the raise you didn’t get, the relationship that failed, a family member saying you’ll never amount to anything—can still create feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt. And all that’s doing is ruining your current life. It’s time to let those puppies go. You don’t have to be stuck with that baggage. Coaching, energy healing, therapy, meditation, inner child work, tapping, there are hundreds of methods to help you access those memories and transform them. And when you rewrite the past, you create a brand new present.
4. Connect with Spirit. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God or the Divine or simply an energy that binds us all together. Seeing, understanding, believing, or knowing about that connection serves to calm you. You could be exercising or deep breathing or just looking at a flower, something that transports you out of your typical awareness. When you’re in that “zone,” you feel a deep inner peace that can transcend time and space. Those little moments are like nectar to your body, mind, and soul.
5. Appreciate yourself. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How do you love yourself? Can you count the ways?” Appreciation goes farther than skin deep. It penetrates to the core of your being and radiates beyond. The more you love yourself, the more lovable you become. We all have our flaws and faults, but this is about finding the things you like. Do you love your eyes, the way you support your friends and family, how you find joy in the little things? Start a list of the things you appreciate, at least one per day, and tell yourself how much you love that quality. Before you know it you’ll be in love with YOU.
6. Reward yourself. Are you searching for acknowledgment? Recognition? A little praise? You don’t have to wait for someone else to give it. Give it to yourself! It’s easy to overlook all the little things you do—cleaning the house, exercising, finishing that painting. But all those things matter and create space for the bigger things—an inviting home, a well-toned body, winning first place at the art show. Acknowledge your successes and reward yourself (the reward begins a pattern of self-acknowledgment). Take a bubble bath with lighted candles and soft music. Indulge in that dark chocolate. Buy yourself a new dress. You deserve it!
7. Get up and move. Exercise may be a dreaded word, but the body is designed to move. Exercise improves your mood, increases endorphins, and decreases stress. So get up and move! You don’t have to join a gym. Even little movements can help. Try stretching or ease into yoga or qigong. Walking outdoors is fantastic. Or dust off your stationary bicycle or elliptical machine. If you’re at work and you only have a minute or two, get up from your desk and take a brisk walk around the office. Movement makes the body happy and a happy body means a happier you.
8. Be grateful. Giving thanks is one of the most important aspects of self-care. If you do nothing else, be grateful for who you are and what you have. As in self-appreciation, find something to be thankful for—your job, your friends, your spouse, your health, your house, the food you eat, the ground under your feet. Nothing is too small. Giving thanks creates a beautiful vibration that increases your prosperity and attracts more to be thankful for. [Try the thirty-day experiment in Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout.]
9. Laugh and play. When was the last time you felt like a little kid? Remember playtime? Hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks? Games that made you laugh and squeal with pleasure? Your inner child is still with you, wanting to come out and play. Fun lights up your soul and makes you radiate with joy. So dip your toes into a nearby lake, pull out the croquet set, play some badminton or horseshoes or miniature golf. Get your joy on! You might be surprised how wonderful you feel.
10. Follow your dreams. Now that you’ve revitalized your inner child, take a moment and recapture your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Dreams are fueled by your imagination, and your imagination is endless. If you wanted to be a painter, what about a painting class? If you thought about writing, try an online course or join a writer’s group. If you wanted to be an astronaut, visit a space camp. It’s never too late. Creativity and exploration are like candy to your soul. So let your imagination loose and explore. You’ll feel recharged and restored.

 
There’s no guarantee that life won’t throw you more curve-balls. As we all know, it’s a crazy obstacle course. But if you use some or all of the steps here, you will be a happier, healthier, and more prosperous YOU.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal, ​July 2018]

by Linda Goodman
 
Making conscious decisions and holding ourselves accountable is what makes us responsible adults, yet this need for always being in control (the ego) doesn’t allow for what may happen in our lives when bad things happen to good people.   Of course there are techniques for problem solving, but when the issues are far more complex, our overthinking may keep the noise of the mind so busy that there’s no time to receive quiet clarity.  Trusting the gut or intuition may be a new tool necessary to overcome the ego’s control and, in essence, redefine who we are.
 
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve known people who seem to have always lived in a state of Trust.  It was second nature with no external work required.  Some have lived in a strong faith, but others haven’t; some were of service to humanity, others weren’t.  Perhaps they masked more than could have been noticed, but I’ve often wondered how could they trust so easily when others have been battered and bruised and are now coming to terms with relearning it?  To know self is more important than to analyze another.
 
Just as computer language is written in a basic step-by-step description, there are wisdom traditions that offer a way for each of us within our specific belief system. There is work involved in growing ourselves with the building blocks of each faith.  Here I will refer to God, or The Higher Self, etc. as LOVE, for that is what I believe is our commonality.  I think we all wish to belong and our choice of a companion on this path of trust and surrender is pure, unconditional LOVE.
 
There is sacrifice involved in complete surrender and taking the ego out of the equations.  It’s an ongoing awareness and expansion of our unique (and possibly unknown) capabilities away from our former education.  In Kabbalah, I’ve been taught three Hebrew words (Chokhmah, Binah, Daat) which translate to Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge.  Wisdom is the ability to receive and transmit the spark of new insight as we are able to perceive it.  Understanding is our nourishing and allowing a thought to develop and relate to other thoughts.  But the active function of internalization—connecting the mind and emotions deeply within—is Knowledge:  Daat is the soul’s connection to a subject.  In my opinion, it’s what causes me to grab my chest and say, “This resonates within my soul.”
 
As one embarks on doing any transformational work, having a community of safe people for feeling through the emotions is essential. Find like-minded professionals, a study, and/or a meditation group.  Surrendering to LOVE begins with fully knowing and trusting ourselves and surrendering to loving ourselves.  Accessing the essential core of who we are enables us to find joy in life and peace even in the most difficult times.
 
Below are some powerful messages and books of surrender and hope in moving through the darkness or uncertainty that may be a part of the journey.     

• A Course in Miracles’ Manual for Teachers has a significant outline for working on the awareness of the presence of LOVE, along with the process of forgiveness and allowing trust to return.
• 12 Step program’s The Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
• Psalms 71, 1-3, Prayer of Surrender by King David: “In Thee, O Lord, have I taken refuge; Let me never be ashamed.  Deliver me in Thy righteousness, and rescue me; Incline Thine ear upon me, and save me.  Be Thou to me a sheltering rock, whereunto I may continually resort, Which Thou has appointed to save me; For Thou art my rock and my fortress.”
• Pema Choddron’s The Places That Scare You: Point Three – Transformation of Bad Circumstances into the Path of Enlightenment.

 
In Eckhart Tolle’s words, “When you no longer perceive the world as hostile, there is no more fear, and when there is no more fear, you think, speak, and act differently.”  May your Trust and Surrender take you to the greatest place of LOVE you could have ever imagined.

​Linda Goodman, a Mediator, Reiki Master, and Consultant/Coach, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Barbara J. Hopkinson

This is the Valentine month, so what better topic than one about loving yourself? Not in a selfish, narcissistic way, but in favor of self-care.  

Self-care is especially important in grief recovery and that is one area where it is often ignored. When we are grieving, we are in pain and not motivated to take care of ourselves.  Often we are worried about others in the family and their grief, so we focus on them. But what we may forget is that we will be of much more value to those around us if we take care of ourselves.  

Grief can be like an illness—our bodies and minds are in shock, not operating at full capacity; we feel sluggish.  If we were ill, we’d probably get bed rest, see a doctor, eat well, drink fluids, and maybe take prescription or holistic remedies.  Grief needs tender self-care as well.  Rest, good nutrition, and doing things to help reduce stress are useful. Activities such as exercise, deep breathing, and journaling help.  Be a little self-indulgent and get a facial or massage, take time to walk in nature and reflect.  Talk to those in your support system.  Talk to your loved one, write to him or her, see what your intuition tells you—do you feel a response?  You may also want to explore energy-based and spiritual practices such as yoga, meditation, and many of the energy healing modalities.  If you haven’t tried these before, keep an open mind. You might be surprised how much they can help.   

My grief sent me on a journey.  It was difficult but it made me much stronger and it helped me to get more in touch with my intuition—both are benefits.  I tried all kinds of things, many for the first time—therapy, meditation, yoga, energy healing, reflexology, polarity, shamanic massage, spiritual development retreats, visits to referred mediums and psychics, and more.  But I also forced myself not to totally bury myself in work. I knew that was just delaying the inevitable.  I made myself take quiet time and walk in nature, especially on the beach—a favorite for me.  

One of the most important things, when I was ready, was to reach out and help others. Helping is very healing and another form of self-care — while we are caring for others.  It works!

May you always remember to be GOOD to YOU!         

Barbara J. Hopkinson, Grief Mentor, Author, and Speaker with A Butterfly’s Journey, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To pre-order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.