​Self-care isn’t always about indulging yourself in manicures and late-night movies (although those are really important). Self-care is about doing what’s needed to have the life you want, no matter how difficult it may seem: Speaking up to your best friend or your boss, recycling the clothes you’ll never fit into no matter how many diets you try, asking for professional help so you can resolve your relationship or insomnia or whatever isn’t working. Now, more than ever, is the time for you to take care of you. The stronger and more centered you are, the easier it will be to weather what crops up.
 
Following are ten ways to step up your positive attitude and overall well-being:

1. Say what you mean. Are you afraid to express yourself because you’ll hurt someone’s feelings or your words might be misconstrued? Speaking up is much more than just saying “no.” When you don’t express yourself or stuff your feelings, people don’t have the opportunity to see and know the real you. Being true to yourself not only empowers you, it empowers those around you. So don’t be afraid to speak your truth. When you say what you mean you honor yourself and you give others the chance to know you, the real you, the one they’re longing to know.
2. Take baby steps. Whatever your goal, you don’t have to get there today. Or even tomorrow. Trying to get there too fast can cause stress and frustration and bring up feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “why can’t I be like him/her?” Remember the wise saying, “All good things come to those who wait.” Picture the Buddha and see yourself smiling and patient. Make one new change in your lifestyle and see how that goes. When that’s working well, then add something else. Take baby steps. There’s no hurry.
3. Let go of the past. Isn’t it amazing how hard it is to let go? Those events that transpired eons ago—the raise you didn’t get, the relationship that failed, a family member saying you’ll never amount to anything—can still create feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt. And all that’s doing is ruining your current life. It’s time to let those puppies go. You don’t have to be stuck with that baggage. Coaching, energy healing, therapy, meditation, inner child work, tapping, there are hundreds of methods to help you access those memories and transform them. And when you rewrite the past, you create a brand new present.
4. Connect with Spirit. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God or the Divine or simply an energy that binds us all together. Seeing, understanding, believing, or knowing about that connection serves to calm you. You could be exercising or deep breathing or just looking at a flower, something that transports you out of your typical awareness. When you’re in that “zone,” you feel a deep inner peace that can transcend time and space. Those little moments are like nectar to your body, mind, and soul.
5. Appreciate yourself. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How do you love yourself? Can you count the ways?” Appreciation goes farther than skin deep. It penetrates to the core of your being and radiates beyond. The more you love yourself, the more lovable you become. We all have our flaws and faults, but this is about finding the things you like. Do you love your eyes, the way you support your friends and family, how you find joy in the little things? Start a list of the things you appreciate, at least one per day, and tell yourself how much you love that quality. Before you know it you’ll be in love with YOU.
6. Reward yourself. Are you searching for acknowledgment? Recognition? A little praise? You don’t have to wait for someone else to give it. Give it to yourself! It’s easy to overlook all the little things you do—cleaning the house, exercising, finishing that painting. But all those things matter and create space for the bigger things—an inviting home, a well-toned body, winning first place at the art show. Acknowledge your successes and reward yourself (the reward begins a pattern of self-acknowledgment). Take a bubble bath with lighted candles and soft music. Indulge in that dark chocolate. Buy yourself a new dress. You deserve it!
7. Get up and move. Exercise may be a dreaded word, but the body is designed to move. Exercise improves your mood, increases endorphins, and decreases stress. So get up and move! You don’t have to join a gym. Even little movements can help. Try stretching or ease into yoga or qigong. Walking outdoors is fantastic. Or dust off your stationary bicycle or elliptical machine. If you’re at work and you only have a minute or two, get up from your desk and take a brisk walk around the office. Movement makes the body happy and a happy body means a happier you.
8. Be grateful. Giving thanks is one of the most important aspects of self-care. If you do nothing else, be grateful for who you are and what you have. As in self-appreciation, find something to be thankful for—your job, your friends, your spouse, your health, your house, the food you eat, the ground under your feet. Nothing is too small. Giving thanks creates a beautiful vibration that increases your prosperity and attracts more to be thankful for. [Try the thirty-day experiment in Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout.]
9. Laugh and play. When was the last time you felt like a little kid? Remember playtime? Hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks? Games that made you laugh and squeal with pleasure? Your inner child is still with you, wanting to come out and play. Fun lights up your soul and makes you radiate with joy. So dip your toes into a nearby lake, pull out the croquet set, play some badminton or horseshoes or miniature golf. Get your joy on! You might be surprised how wonderful you feel.
10. Follow your dreams. Now that you’ve revitalized your inner child, take a moment and recapture your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Dreams are fueled by your imagination, and your imagination is endless. If you wanted to be a painter, what about a painting class? If you thought about writing, try an online course or join a writer’s group. If you wanted to be an astronaut, visit a space camp. It’s never too late. Creativity and exploration are like candy to your soul. So let your imagination loose and explore. You’ll feel recharged and restored.

 
There’s no guarantee that life won’t throw you more curve-balls. As we all know, it’s a crazy obstacle course. But if you use some or all of the steps here, you will be a happier, healthier, and more prosperous YOU.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal, ​July 2018]

Do you love yourself only when you feel good? What about when you fail a test, don’t get a raise, or can’t fit into your new clothes? What if you could really love yourself all the time?
 
The term “self-love” means the love of oneself, the instinct or desire to promote one’s own well-being. True self-love is not narcissistic or self-indulgent but an awareness of your inner power.  Self-love acknowledges who you are and what you like. Those stirrings inside you (a love of nature, playing with color, writing songs, rescuing animals) are meant to point your way. By cultivating your gifts, you show your true passions to the world. Your light illuminates the way for others and allows them to shine as well.
 
How do you start loving yourself? Here are five ways to begin the journey.
 
1) Address self-sabotage. Does your inner voice say you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough? Those negative thoughts stem from past experience and are lodged in your unconscious. Before you can practice self-love you need to let them go. You can heal these thoughts through techniques like hypnotherapy, coaching, tapping (EFT), and the Sedona Method. By changing your beliefs, you allow the real you to emerge.
 
2) Use affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that train your subconscious mind to develop new ways of thinking. Here are some self-love affirmations to get you started.
 
I love myself just the way I am.
I appreciate who I am right now.
I let go of my fears and go forward with confidence.
 
3) Appreciate yourself. Really look in the mirror. When was the last time you told yourself how beautiful or handsome you are? Loving what you see is an act of courage, a demand for unconditional acceptance. Last year when I was suffering with horrible hip pain and screaming my anguish, I confronted myself. The lies I’ve perpetrated. The ones that said I’m not beautiful. I’m not worthy. I am less than. I stood there with tears streaming down my face and said, “I love you.” At first I could barely whisper those words. But with each repetition my voice strengthened. As I confirmed the truth about me, the pain lessened until it finally disappeared and I acknowledged who I really am.
 
Start with what you DO like and really love that part of you. The more you do this, the more you’ll incorporate parts of you that you didn’t like before. And when you truly love yourself, others will too.
 
4) Be creative. Do you love to play with color, write, sing, make something with your hands? Give yourself permission to follow that voice that’s saying “can I, can I?” Play. Explore. Discover. Embracing your passions is a sure way to love yourself.
 
5) Practice forgiveness. Criticizing yourself or comparing yourself to others only hurts you. Sometimes it’s hard to remember you’re not perfect. But holding on to that resentment can cripple your body, literally. Forgiveness is a way to heal and move forward with peace and love. Say a forgiveness prayer faithfully—for at least 30 days— and watch those hurts begin to release and dissolve.
 
These are just a few ways to practice self-love and engage in loving thoughts. The more you love yourself, the more you step into your power. Experience the love that is rightfully yours. Let your light shine. Be the amazing person you can be.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal​, March 2017]

by Linda Goodman

My Life:  Everyone has a life that is different from the ‘I’ of daily consciousness, a life that is trying to live through the ‘I’ who is its vessel. This is what the poet knows and what every wisdom tradition teaches: there is a great gulf between the way my ego wants to identify me, with its protective masks and self-serving fictions, and my true self.  It takes time and hard experience to sense the difference between the two—to sense that running beneath the surface of the experience I call my life, there is a deeper and truer life waiting to be acknowledged. ‒ Parker Palmer

Perhaps we’ve worked through countless fears, worries, insecurities, and guilt to find a resonating core that is authentically us.  Deeply ingrained principles are a part of every decision we make.  We may be so courageous in making critical decisions that we have come to recognize courage as our true nature.   We may have found intimacy that is real and authentic in sharing vulnerabilities.  Let’s not forget that our core values may be refined over time due to learning experiences and maturity.

Enjoying employment consistent with the core belief systems and the need for a specific service in society is an ideal.  How we handle the growing pains of learning a new corporate culture as well as a new leadership role takes all our tools and less rigidity without forfeiting the clear sense of self.  Being honest and courageous will accompany a leader forward in learning a new style of management without conflicting with one’s true nature, but there is always a need for discernment.  Even the most authentic person on the planet cannot resist change in this fast-paced, multi-cultural, social media world with a workforce of varying emotional intelligence and backgrounds.

Continue to study leadership behaviors, learn to be agile, and utilize mentors who have had experience to share for specific situations.  Learning when to stay silent in order to achieve the best outcome may be foreign but necessary.

Maintain a support group of peers and other business and social friends away from the workplace, even if there’s a time crunch.  They will assist in reviewing negative feedback and offer suggestions.  

Allow your story to be on the resume, a background upon which to build.  Break out of the comfort mold. Being authentic doesn’t mean transparent.  As a leader you can’t tell others of your concerns and insecurities without causing the workforce to lose confidence.  A leader may utilize new authoritative techniques to change the working climate and implement these appropriately through delegation and communication without changing core values.  Lead with empathy and warmth, while keeping the right balance of maintaining one’s true nature and quiet wisdom

And always be aware of preserving self.  Dr. Phil describes being inauthentic as trying to hold a beach ball underwater.  If that becomes the sensation, or if there’s a feeling of burnout or a misalignment with one’s core values, be true to self and make a change that fits with the authentic self and not the ego.

Seeking Authenticity:
• Am I loving myself as much as others?
• Do I belong and have a connection?
• Do I recognize that no one is insignificant?
• Have changes occurred by chance, due to a crisis or by my conscious decisions?
• Do I have the will to keep my life in the trajectory of my choice?
• What are my core values (the rigid ones and the ones that could use some flexibility)?
• Has part of my persona been molded according to the need to please?
• When I look at people I admire, what are the qualities that are important to me?
• Can I drop blaming and using excuses and remember (and pursue) my dreams?

Linda Goodman, a Mediator, Reiki Master, and Consultant/Coach, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Terry Crump

"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." - Maya Angelou

We develop palates to savor fine wines and distinguish nuanced flavors in foods, taking pride in our ability to appreciate things of quality.  As consumers of art, designer clothing/accessories, or gemstones we insist that there be some stamp or certificate of authenticity because we are drawn to accumulate unique possessions. Even when beachcombing for shells we assemble only a diverse and unusual array. For us, there’s no denying that originality and authenticity bear high value.

Somehow, when we start to apply the same expectation of authenticity to ourselves, the rules change. Anxiety and worry dominate. The shoulds, oughts, and musts emerge, as does the script of what we can do, of how we can be.  “I can’t do that . . . I don’t want to stand out . . . I’m staying under the radar . . . they’ll think I’m nuts!” Sound familiar? We allow our need for external validation to be paramount to avoid exposing who we really are for fear of rejection, assuming that acceptance dictates that we look and behave like everybody else. Normalcy. The harshest criticisms come from our own minds, rehearsing perfected punitive messages that we have honed over time. While being original, unique, and even flawed may sound moderately appealing in the abstract, we fail to embrace or actualize these concepts in our everyday lives.  One of the life truths that I continue to work through is that it is impossible to portray authenticity without self-acceptance.

Several years ago while on a Caribbean vacation celebrating a big birthday, I was looking for entertainment in my hotel but things were a bit slow that night.  Disappointed but determined to have some fun, my travel mate and I decided to make the evening festive.  Before I knew it, we had managed to invigorate the two-person reggae band and perform with them, started a conga line insisting that other guests in the lobby join in, and assembled a sizable crowd.  The libations were flowing; everyone was having a phenomenal time.  As the evening drew to an end, fellow guests were asking what our plans were on the following day.  We had forged a connection! At various points during the evening, I could hear the typical script in my head that I am an introvert, not one who readily makes friends with strangers, and certainly not one who dances in the middle of a hotel lobby.  I managed to ignore that inner voice.  Guess what, it was one of my more memorable birthday vacations. That effervescent woman who loves life, enjoys music and dancing, and laughs heartily is me, but she has too often been suppressed by ideas about how she appears to others. While I’d like to say that this experience has forever changed my approach to living, I can’t. But I can state that I repeatedly call upon this memory when the “what will people say” script begins to run. Thoughts of this time help with decision making about the version of myself that will “show up” for any given event, making it easier to just be me.  

Here’s why the real you should show up: Authenticity allows for connection to others, fosters self-fulfillment, and engenders joy.  With greater maturity, I’ve invariably realized my preference for wearing a certificate of authenticity proudly rather than looking in the mirror and failing to recognize the woman that’s staring back. It’s so much simpler . . . and lots more fun.

Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

by Corinna Murray, DVM
 
The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. - Joseph Campbell

Most of us were taught to believe that it is better to give than to receive. We believe it is virtuous to give our time, love, energy, and attention to our family, friends, and worthy causes. Yet most of us find it uncomfortable to treat ourselves in the same manner and, therefore, feel unworthy to receive many of these same things from others. In fact, many have been conditioned to believe that self-directed love and attention is selfish.

In reality, giving and receiving are aspects of the same flow of energy, just as breathing depends equally on the inhale as on the exhale. The quality and depth of the in-breath nourishes our bodies with life sustaining O2, stimulating growth and expansion, while the out-breath releases what no longer serves us, calming our bodies for healing and rest. What no longer serves us is in turn returned to serve our planet through our plants, which nourish us again with oxygen and their fruit. The flow of love is the same. It is self-sustaining, expansive, and infinite.

Self-directed love is the foundation for the expression and the flow of love. Only by loving your perfectly imperfect self (who in any given moment is doing your best, with what you know and how you feel), can you open fully to the generous love of the universe and the love of others. Self-love is healing, nurturing, and honors All that has and will continue to contribute to your existence. The way in which you care for and engage with yourself shows the world and others how to love you. It becomes your legacy and opens you to the flow that is reflected back. Only from this place of self-love, can you truly be whole and capable of returning love to the rhythm and flow of life.

Start today to hold yourself in loving awareness and let your heart receive. Connect with and feel how much you want to know that you are loved and valued. Look into your heart and feel your timelessness. Feel everything—your joy and your sorrow, your compassion and your passion, your curiosity, playfulness, and wisdom. You contain it All. You are whole. Each time you find yourself in self-reflection today, take a moment to be a witness. Then, with loving awareness, quietly say or think these words, "I feel you, I accept you, I love you." Carry this mantra through your day and witness your heart gently open to yourself and to others. Notice the flow of love.

By Nanette Littlestone

To love yourself right now just the way you are, is to give yourself heaven. - Alan Cohen

How much do you love yourself? Just a little? A lot? Do you love yourself only when you feel good or even when you feel bad? What if you could love yourself, really love yourself, all the time?

The term “self-love” means the love of oneself, the instinct or desire to promote one’s own well-being. True self-love is not narcissistic or self-indulgent. It is an awareness of your inner power. A knowledge of who you really are. Without self-love, the soul can’t flourish. According to Marianne Williamson, our deepest fear is not the darkness that most frightens us, but the light. Are you hiding your light? Does your soul long to shine? 

Self-love acknowledges who you are and what you like. By cultivating your gifts, you show your true passions to the world. Your light illuminates the way for others and allows them to shine as well. My love of words led me to reading, then writing, then editing, and eventually to a marriage of all three—being a writing coach and publisher and helping others to express themselves through writing.

So how do you start loving yourself? Here are five ways to begin the journey.

1) Address self-sabotage. Does the little voice in your head say you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, or you don’t have enough experience? Those negative thoughts and beliefs stem from past experience. Let them go. You can heal these thoughts through hypnotherapy, coaching, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, otherwise known as tapping), the Sedona Method, etc. Find a process that resonates with you and stick with it. By changing your beliefs, you allow the real you to emerge.

2) Use affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that help pave the way for the subconscious mind. By using affirmations, you train your mind to develop new ways of thinking. If you want to lose weight, try, “I am at the perfect weight for my body.” To attract more clients, you could state, “I easily attract the perfect clients for my business.” Here are some self-love affirmations to get you started.

I love myself just the way I am.
I appreciate who I am right now.
I let go of my fears and go forward with confidence.

3) Appreciate yourself. Look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? When was the last time you told yourself you’re beautiful? Maybe you’re not crazy about your wrinkles or your gray hair. Maybe you wish you were taller or shorter. Start with what you do like and really love that part of you. The more you do this, the more you’ll be able to appreciate those parts you didn’t like before. And when you truly love yourself, others will too.

4) Be creative. What do you love to do? Write? Paint? Teach? Play in nature? Give yourself permission to follow that voice inside your head that says “can I, can I?” Play. Explore. Discover. Embracing your passions is a sure way to love yourself. You might even find a new career.  

5) Practice forgiveness. Criticizing yourself or comparing yourself to others only hurts you. Sometimes it’s hard to remember you’re not perfect. But holding on to that resentment damages your health. Forgiveness is a way to heal and move forward with peace and love. The Hawaiians have a beautiful forgiveness prayer called Ho’oponopono. 

I’m sorry
Please forgive me
I love you
Thank you

Saying these words, with feeling, can unlock those hurts and restore your self-love.

The more you love yourself, the more you step into your power. So today, be your own valentine. Let your light shine. Be the amazing person you can be.

Nanette Littlestone, editor, writing coach, publisher, and owner of Words of Passion, is a guest blogger and co-author of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To pre-order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

By Suzanne Baker Hogan
 
I love you so completely. I adore you infinitely and forever. I want you to know that you are never alone in your life, and that I am here with you always. I understand you through everything, no matter what. And I admire how you are living your experiences on earth.
 
I will always support you, without question, even if others cannot. I am always on your side, and I know that things haven’t been easy. I know how deeply you feel in your life and how challenging your challenges have been. They have pushed you to the edge of what you can handle, but handle them you have with courage and perseverance. It’s time to applaud yourself for this!
 
For you have met every difficulty and acted accordingly. You have seized the experiences you wished to have, and you have played them out perfectly. No one could have done a better job.
 
Your life has been absolutely perfect. And it has brought you to this moment of precious reckoning. It has led you to the greatest experience you will ever know. And that is to finally love yourself, deeply and without question, and to never forget this again.  
 
Now I know that the world makes this difficult. I know how easily things can make you seem “not good enough.” But somewhere within, you know that this is not real and that you are so incredibly special. Deep down you fully believe in yourself.
 
You came here to remember this with conviction and to overcome anything telling you otherwise. You came here to heal the pain in you that cries out, and in that healing, rediscover yourself. You are here to love yourself, above all else, and in that remembering grow forever empowered!
 
You see, you are so very powerful, and you’ve got the universe on your side, even if it doesn’t look like it. You are infinitely loved and infinitely cherished, beyond what humanness can comprehend. If only you knew just how admired you are for your bravery and how much you actually belong. You are so deeply beautiful and wise beyond your dreams. Indeed, you are royalty from the spiritual realms.
 
I know all of this with the utmost certainty because I am you and always have been. You and I are one and the same, and we are more immense than you can imagine. We simply came to this earth to gain invaluable experience and to grow ever stronger with love.
 
At the end of the day, all that matters is love. It is all that remains of our earthly ordeals and relationships. Love is what we are made of and what interconnects us all. Love is our inherent oneness.
 
This is the love that always shines within you, and it radiates when you remember who you are. This is the love that illuminates the world when you love yourself with all of your soul! 

Suzanne Baker Hogan, spiritual writer and author of SharetheSpiritual.com and Twin Flame Help, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To pre-order your copy of this inspirational book, click here. 

by Maureen Roe

Generally when we think of love we think of romantic love and the faces of our loved ones. Seldom in that delicious reverie do we include ourselves.  Why, you ask?  It is from not knowing how to love ourselves that we tend to just skip that part and pretend we do.   

If you were to go down the list of ways to love yourself you may find the following:

• Take time to do things you enjoy
• Engage in activities that use your talents and gifts
• Reward yourself
• Spend time in the company of those you feel good around
• Learn something new so that you can feel accomplished
• Do something nice for others

While this is not an exhaustive list, it will help you feel good and even warm and fuzzy about yourself. However, the list seems to lack what most “love-yourself”  instructions do and that is how we talk to ourselves. Imagine you are doing things you enjoy from the list above and you run into someone who constantly makes you feel inadequate.  Suddenly, you are into the most negative tirade of self-talk you can muster.

One of the most uplifting activities you can do to raise your spirit from the ashes of verbal self-flagellation and find peace within is to stop self-judgment and self-criticism.  When you criticize or judge, you create a greater sense of unworthiness and insecurity.  If you are committed to feeling good about yourself, first you must feel “good enough” inside.

Here’s a quick exercise you can use to create a judgment-free zone within your head.

• Step 1:   Become aware of when you use judging and criticizing self-talk.

• Step 2:   Once you are aware you can stop and/or re-phrase with a positive statement before you start. The statement may not sound true in the beginning, but after continued use you'll be amazed at the results.

Loving yourself in this manner will add a greater sense of joy, security, and peace to your spirit.  

What will achieving a greater sense of self-love look like for you?

Maureen Roe is a Self-Expression Coach, Registered Corporate Coach, Metaphysical Minister, Ageless Grace Educator, speaker, and co-author of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To pre-order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.