​Self-care isn’t always about indulging yourself in manicures and late-night movies (although those are really important). Self-care is about doing what’s needed to have the life you want, no matter how difficult it may seem: Speaking up to your best friend or your boss, recycling the clothes you’ll never fit into no matter how many diets you try, asking for professional help so you can resolve your relationship or insomnia or whatever isn’t working. Now, more than ever, is the time for you to take care of you. The stronger and more centered you are, the easier it will be to weather what crops up.
 
Following are ten ways to step up your positive attitude and overall well-being:

1. Say what you mean. Are you afraid to express yourself because you’ll hurt someone’s feelings or your words might be misconstrued? Speaking up is much more than just saying “no.” When you don’t express yourself or stuff your feelings, people don’t have the opportunity to see and know the real you. Being true to yourself not only empowers you, it empowers those around you. So don’t be afraid to speak your truth. When you say what you mean you honor yourself and you give others the chance to know you, the real you, the one they’re longing to know.
2. Take baby steps. Whatever your goal, you don’t have to get there today. Or even tomorrow. Trying to get there too fast can cause stress and frustration and bring up feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “why can’t I be like him/her?” Remember the wise saying, “All good things come to those who wait.” Picture the Buddha and see yourself smiling and patient. Make one new change in your lifestyle and see how that goes. When that’s working well, then add something else. Take baby steps. There’s no hurry.
3. Let go of the past. Isn’t it amazing how hard it is to let go? Those events that transpired eons ago—the raise you didn’t get, the relationship that failed, a family member saying you’ll never amount to anything—can still create feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt. And all that’s doing is ruining your current life. It’s time to let those puppies go. You don’t have to be stuck with that baggage. Coaching, energy healing, therapy, meditation, inner child work, tapping, there are hundreds of methods to help you access those memories and transform them. And when you rewrite the past, you create a brand new present.
4. Connect with Spirit. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God or the Divine or simply an energy that binds us all together. Seeing, understanding, believing, or knowing about that connection serves to calm you. You could be exercising or deep breathing or just looking at a flower, something that transports you out of your typical awareness. When you’re in that “zone,” you feel a deep inner peace that can transcend time and space. Those little moments are like nectar to your body, mind, and soul.
5. Appreciate yourself. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How do you love yourself? Can you count the ways?” Appreciation goes farther than skin deep. It penetrates to the core of your being and radiates beyond. The more you love yourself, the more lovable you become. We all have our flaws and faults, but this is about finding the things you like. Do you love your eyes, the way you support your friends and family, how you find joy in the little things? Start a list of the things you appreciate, at least one per day, and tell yourself how much you love that quality. Before you know it you’ll be in love with YOU.
6. Reward yourself. Are you searching for acknowledgment? Recognition? A little praise? You don’t have to wait for someone else to give it. Give it to yourself! It’s easy to overlook all the little things you do—cleaning the house, exercising, finishing that painting. But all those things matter and create space for the bigger things—an inviting home, a well-toned body, winning first place at the art show. Acknowledge your successes and reward yourself (the reward begins a pattern of self-acknowledgment). Take a bubble bath with lighted candles and soft music. Indulge in that dark chocolate. Buy yourself a new dress. You deserve it!
7. Get up and move. Exercise may be a dreaded word, but the body is designed to move. Exercise improves your mood, increases endorphins, and decreases stress. So get up and move! You don’t have to join a gym. Even little movements can help. Try stretching or ease into yoga or qigong. Walking outdoors is fantastic. Or dust off your stationary bicycle or elliptical machine. If you’re at work and you only have a minute or two, get up from your desk and take a brisk walk around the office. Movement makes the body happy and a happy body means a happier you.
8. Be grateful. Giving thanks is one of the most important aspects of self-care. If you do nothing else, be grateful for who you are and what you have. As in self-appreciation, find something to be thankful for—your job, your friends, your spouse, your health, your house, the food you eat, the ground under your feet. Nothing is too small. Giving thanks creates a beautiful vibration that increases your prosperity and attracts more to be thankful for. [Try the thirty-day experiment in Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout.]
9. Laugh and play. When was the last time you felt like a little kid? Remember playtime? Hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks? Games that made you laugh and squeal with pleasure? Your inner child is still with you, wanting to come out and play. Fun lights up your soul and makes you radiate with joy. So dip your toes into a nearby lake, pull out the croquet set, play some badminton or horseshoes or miniature golf. Get your joy on! You might be surprised how wonderful you feel.
10. Follow your dreams. Now that you’ve revitalized your inner child, take a moment and recapture your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Dreams are fueled by your imagination, and your imagination is endless. If you wanted to be a painter, what about a painting class? If you thought about writing, try an online course or join a writer’s group. If you wanted to be an astronaut, visit a space camp. It’s never too late. Creativity and exploration are like candy to your soul. So let your imagination loose and explore. You’ll feel recharged and restored.

 
There’s no guarantee that life won’t throw you more curve-balls. As we all know, it’s a crazy obstacle course. But if you use some or all of the steps here, you will be a happier, healthier, and more prosperous YOU.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal, ​July 2018]

Do you love yourself only when you feel good? What about when you fail a test, don’t get a raise, or can’t fit into your new clothes? What if you could really love yourself all the time?
 
The term “self-love” means the love of oneself, the instinct or desire to promote one’s own well-being. True self-love is not narcissistic or self-indulgent but an awareness of your inner power.  Self-love acknowledges who you are and what you like. Those stirrings inside you (a love of nature, playing with color, writing songs, rescuing animals) are meant to point your way. By cultivating your gifts, you show your true passions to the world. Your light illuminates the way for others and allows them to shine as well.
 
How do you start loving yourself? Here are five ways to begin the journey.
 
1) Address self-sabotage. Does your inner voice say you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough? Those negative thoughts stem from past experience and are lodged in your unconscious. Before you can practice self-love you need to let them go. You can heal these thoughts through techniques like hypnotherapy, coaching, tapping (EFT), and the Sedona Method. By changing your beliefs, you allow the real you to emerge.
 
2) Use affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that train your subconscious mind to develop new ways of thinking. Here are some self-love affirmations to get you started.
 
I love myself just the way I am.
I appreciate who I am right now.
I let go of my fears and go forward with confidence.
 
3) Appreciate yourself. Really look in the mirror. When was the last time you told yourself how beautiful or handsome you are? Loving what you see is an act of courage, a demand for unconditional acceptance. Last year when I was suffering with horrible hip pain and screaming my anguish, I confronted myself. The lies I’ve perpetrated. The ones that said I’m not beautiful. I’m not worthy. I am less than. I stood there with tears streaming down my face and said, “I love you.” At first I could barely whisper those words. But with each repetition my voice strengthened. As I confirmed the truth about me, the pain lessened until it finally disappeared and I acknowledged who I really am.
 
Start with what you DO like and really love that part of you. The more you do this, the more you’ll incorporate parts of you that you didn’t like before. And when you truly love yourself, others will too.
 
4) Be creative. Do you love to play with color, write, sing, make something with your hands? Give yourself permission to follow that voice that’s saying “can I, can I?” Play. Explore. Discover. Embracing your passions is a sure way to love yourself.
 
5) Practice forgiveness. Criticizing yourself or comparing yourself to others only hurts you. Sometimes it’s hard to remember you’re not perfect. But holding on to that resentment can cripple your body, literally. Forgiveness is a way to heal and move forward with peace and love. Say a forgiveness prayer faithfully—for at least 30 days— and watch those hurts begin to release and dissolve.
 
These are just a few ways to practice self-love and engage in loving thoughts. The more you love yourself, the more you step into your power. Experience the love that is rightfully yours. Let your light shine. Be the amazing person you can be.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal​, March 2017]

​There are millions of self-help books written about success and how to achieve it. Jack Canfield wrote The Success Principles. Steven Covey wrote The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. There’s The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, How Successful People Think by John C. Maxwell, and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, to name a few. And every year more books are written. You’d think we haven’t figured it out.

I’ve read numerous self-help books on both personal and business success and still haven’t achieved the level that makes me feel accomplished. And many others are in the same place. Do you know why? The answer, for me, is that I wasn’t sure what I wanted.
 
People who get what they want have clear, measurable goals. Rather than saying, “I want to be rich,” they say, “I want to make $100K this year.” Rich is a vague concept. $100K is a measurable amount. If you make $99,999 you haven’t reached your goal.

​When I think about money, especially in terms of my business, I’m often unclear. I usually can’t make up my mind how much I want—$50K, $75K, $100K, or more. When I get into the larger numbers my conscious mind balks. “That’s too much,” it says, meaning it doesn’t think I can do it. But if I set my goal too low, then there’s a big piece of me that wants more.
 
So the first step in having what you want is to be clear about your goal.
 
This year I started reading The Path to Wealth: Seven Spiritual Steps to Financial Abundance by May McCarthy. The first thing that excited me about this book is that the 7 steps are listed in the Table of Contents. How easy is that? Then in the first chapter she gives you an overview of those steps and how you’re supposed to work with them each day. It couldn’t be simpler. The remainder of the book goes into more detail about each of the steps and offers additional help on reaching your goals. 
​

A huge portion of my spiritual growth right now is about deepening my connection to Spirit (God, Divine, Source) and trusting it to find my highest good. I used to be all about controlling the situation and only relying on myself. I felt I had to save all my money in order to have more, rather than being willing to give to receive. Those beliefs are changing. I began working the 7 steps on January 8 and am now into my second week. Each morning I thank my CSO (Chief Spiritual Officer) for all that I have (right now) and all that I will have (as if I already have it). The exercise is fun, exciting, and ever-changing. I haven’t seen a huge windfall of cash or an avalanche of clients, but I am much more at peace and excited about facing every day. And I know the abundance is there because I’m trusting in Source to deliver.
 
Another part of The Path to Wealth is beginning your day with reading something spiritual. McCarthy recommends the book The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovill Shin. It’s a small book written in 1925 by a metaphysical teacher and chock full of wonderful examples of using universal law and the correct wording to attract what you want. She gives story after story to illustrate her meaning. One of my favorite examples is about asking for more work. People often ask for more work (e.g., more clients) because they want more money. But they don’t specifically ask for more money. So she gives a simple rhyme to cover both bases:

I have a wonderful business
In a wonderful way
And I give a wonderful service
For wonderful pay.​
​

​Easy to say, easy to remember, and the wording is just right!
 
So do you have what you want? This is a brand new year, a year to have fun, to expand, to accelerate your growth, and to achieve those lofty goals. Be clear. Trust in Spirit. And expect miracles!

by Terry Crump

It’s really important to be able to receive love and receive compassion. It is as important as being able to give it. – Pema Chodron

As the end of the year approaches and the holiday season gets into full swing, I have been reflecting on our practice of giving and receiving gifts.  I have realized that in some ways it has been somewhat easier to accept the gifts that others offer to me during the holidays, a discreet period of time, rather than throughout the year.  Like a distinct badge of honor, I’ve carried around this notion of it “being better to give than to receive,” allowing this belief to resonate from my being, defining who I am—a giver. I’ve also looked around and seen that there are some pretty happy folks who do just fine with receiving. No, these aren’t particularly selfish, self-serving, or needy individuals. Instead, they are ones simply more free in accepting what others offer to them, making no apologies for taking what is given. They are confident with or without the gift.  With this observation in mind, it’s become apparent that one possible root issue around discomfort with receiving is feeling as though one is undeserving of what is good without working hard for it.  There is a lack of confidence in our worthiness and value when we struggle to accept the kindness being lavished upon us without “paying our due.”  We believe, “I must do something to earn this gift.”  

Having lived part of my life in the Caribbean with strong ties to the culture, I can say that there is absolute disdain for “laziness.” So it can be unsettling to think that we are accepting something for which we have not worked.  Can you identify with this? There is also the air of pride that we have worked for everything have.  We are independent, relying on no one, even if that self-reliance comes at a very high cost (e.g., bitterness about how hard a struggle has been, poor physical and/or emotional health after we’ve pushed our bodies beyond what is humanly possible).  Truthfully, sometimes we have underlying feelings of resentment of “not getting back what we give.”  Yet, we still refuse to allow opportunities for reciprocity in receiving acts of compassion. Perhaps we fear how we’ll be perceived for accepting help, or want to avoid feelings of indebtedness to another person because of their generosity. In the end, we may push others away and essentially avoid the intimacy that comes with giving and receiving.

What if we removed our typical capes of helping, doing, and saving others, just allowing ourselves to be nurtured? Flip the script and exchange roles. Consider the fact that your refusal to accept a gift/gesture impacts the other person as well. It may translate to that person as rejection—of their thoughtfulness, sacrifice, general need to be of service, to feel appreciated for some act. 

Starting today, you can choose to recognize your own value. You are enough, just as you are, without embellishment or action or change. You deserve to receive life’s gifts and to simply say, “Thank you!” By receiving, you are affirming yourself, as worthy of the gift, and affirming the giver, recognizing that what s/he has offered you is of value. These are very powerful and meaningful interactions.

​Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

The more you are grateful for what you have, the more you can live fully in the present.  - Dana Arcuri

Five years ago on this day, November 11, I started to learn the real power and presence of gratitude. It began when I found myself in a storm of personal drama, all of which I wanted no part of and was definitely NOT grateful for. My husband was several states away dealing with his ailing parents. My 15-year-old son was recovering from a painful procedure that involved reshaping (or breaking) his ribcage. When he asked me what normal ribs were supposed to feel like, I discovered a large mass at the top of my left breast. Cancer was confirmed the next day. My father in law died 4 days later. My mother in law was diagnosed with advanced dementia, requiring my husband’s care and attention as he dealt with his grief and relocated her to assisted living, managed his father’s funeral, and took over managing their estate. He was not there for me. How could he be? My widowed mother was one state away and barely able to manage her own health and affairs. I turned to a few close friends for support and to my new doctors and nurses for advice. I did what they said, stepping onto what felt like a treadmill for the treatment of breast cancer.  Scared. Overwhelmed. Alone. I scheduled a radical double mastectomy and reconstruction with the first plastic surgeon I consulted for the Monday after Thanksgiving. On Black Friday, I received a call that my mother had broken her hip and would probably lose her other leg to a circulatory disease. She would no longer be able to walk and live on her own. She needed my help. Numb and feeling completely out of control, I could not take anymore. I so desperately wanted someone to rescue me. Someone who had my and my family's best interest in mind, who could see the whole picture and just tell me what to do. I did not want to delay my treatment another day but realized that I had to. I had to be that person I was looking for, not only for me but for the rest of my family, especially my 3 children. I asked myself “What is the worst that could happen?” I could die. No doubt. Was I ready to die? What would that mean? 

I realized that if my time was really up, I wanted no or few regrets. The only way that seemed possible was to live from my heart, with grace, acceptance, and gratitude for Everything because everything was significant. Everything had something to teach us, even or especially the unwanted. I shifted and saw Life unveiled. Beautiful and precious. Richly textured and delicately interconnected. The moments I had left in the experience of my life were finite and mattered so I chose to take each moment as it came, with appreciation and confidence to make the best choices I could in that moment, one moment, one breath, one conscious step at a time.
​
Like many people, I did not fully appreciate all that was right with my life until I was forced to face the real and inevitable truth of losing it and the ones I love. Funny how the threat of losing something that is by definition transient was what it took for me to see all that is really right and wonderful and precious. I am so grateful to have learned this while there is still time to live it. My prayer is that we all come to know the power and presence of gratitude in a personal way so that we can all live it while we still have time.

​Corinna Murray, DVM, CPC is a veterinarian, iPEC Certified Professional Coach, and founder of EnHABiT and Veterinary Care Navigation. She is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Linda Goodman
 
Making conscious decisions and holding ourselves accountable is what makes us responsible adults, yet this need for always being in control (the ego) doesn’t allow for what may happen in our lives when bad things happen to good people.   Of course there are techniques for problem solving, but when the issues are far more complex, our overthinking may keep the noise of the mind so busy that there’s no time to receive quiet clarity.  Trusting the gut or intuition may be a new tool necessary to overcome the ego’s control and, in essence, redefine who we are.
 
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve known people who seem to have always lived in a state of Trust.  It was second nature with no external work required.  Some have lived in a strong faith, but others haven’t; some were of service to humanity, others weren’t.  Perhaps they masked more than could have been noticed, but I’ve often wondered how could they trust so easily when others have been battered and bruised and are now coming to terms with relearning it?  To know self is more important than to analyze another.
 
Just as computer language is written in a basic step-by-step description, there are wisdom traditions that offer a way for each of us within our specific belief system. There is work involved in growing ourselves with the building blocks of each faith.  Here I will refer to God, or The Higher Self, etc. as LOVE, for that is what I believe is our commonality.  I think we all wish to belong and our choice of a companion on this path of trust and surrender is pure, unconditional LOVE.
 
There is sacrifice involved in complete surrender and taking the ego out of the equations.  It’s an ongoing awareness and expansion of our unique (and possibly unknown) capabilities away from our former education.  In Kabbalah, I’ve been taught three Hebrew words (Chokhmah, Binah, Daat) which translate to Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge.  Wisdom is the ability to receive and transmit the spark of new insight as we are able to perceive it.  Understanding is our nourishing and allowing a thought to develop and relate to other thoughts.  But the active function of internalization—connecting the mind and emotions deeply within—is Knowledge:  Daat is the soul’s connection to a subject.  In my opinion, it’s what causes me to grab my chest and say, “This resonates within my soul.”
 
As one embarks on doing any transformational work, having a community of safe people for feeling through the emotions is essential. Find like-minded professionals, a study, and/or a meditation group.  Surrendering to LOVE begins with fully knowing and trusting ourselves and surrendering to loving ourselves.  Accessing the essential core of who we are enables us to find joy in life and peace even in the most difficult times.
 
Below are some powerful messages and books of surrender and hope in moving through the darkness or uncertainty that may be a part of the journey.     

• A Course in Miracles’ Manual for Teachers has a significant outline for working on the awareness of the presence of LOVE, along with the process of forgiveness and allowing trust to return.
• 12 Step program’s The Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
• Psalms 71, 1-3, Prayer of Surrender by King David: “In Thee, O Lord, have I taken refuge; Let me never be ashamed.  Deliver me in Thy righteousness, and rescue me; Incline Thine ear upon me, and save me.  Be Thou to me a sheltering rock, whereunto I may continually resort, Which Thou has appointed to save me; For Thou art my rock and my fortress.”
• Pema Choddron’s The Places That Scare You: Point Three – Transformation of Bad Circumstances into the Path of Enlightenment.

 
In Eckhart Tolle’s words, “When you no longer perceive the world as hostile, there is no more fear, and when there is no more fear, you think, speak, and act differently.”  May your Trust and Surrender take you to the greatest place of LOVE you could have ever imagined.

​Linda Goodman, a Mediator, Reiki Master, and Consultant/Coach, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Terry Crump

Always say yes to the present moment . . . Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life—and see how life starts suddenly to start working for you rather than against you. –Eckhart Tolle

When I reflect on this concept of surrender, a number of images and phrases come to mind. What emerges is a visualization of people standing in a place of worship, singing with fervor, “I surrender all,” or hearing the hook to a neosoul artist, “Surrender to love, ’cause love is the only way.” I even have flashes of some individual being arrested by the police, with their hands up in the “universal” signal of surrender.  These depictions, however, never connote peace or anything remotely appealing to me. Perhaps it’s because surrender is a place that’s all too familiar.  Digging deeper, I must acknowledge that the need for surrender has frequently disrupted my world, creating loss, precipitating the onslaught of tears, inciting the rise of anger, and an overwhelming desire to scream because once again a goal or dream has been shattered. Things suddenly went left.  

Here are the aspects of surrendering that personally create the most dissonance:
•   The expectation is that I must relinquish control rather than fighting against some typically undesirable outcome.  
•   I’ve constructed a picture of how things are “supposed to be” which is now a mismatch with how they are. This is not what my visualization looked like.
•   There’s a tension between assuming a defeatist stance (i.e., surrendering) versus accepting that things are unfolding in a manner that differs from my expectations.
•   I am not a quitter!
•   I’m really being driven by the fear that my needs will not be met.  Therefore, I must fight harder!
•   I’m being asked to trust and believe that there is some greater good that will come of this, and I just don’t know if I can do that.

There is a nuanced dance wherein we are effective agents of change who persist in actions to chart our own life course, but we also have wisdom in recognizing when surrender is what’s indicated.  To facilitate such recognition, we must reign in the ego, especially those notions that we are always in control.
Surrender requires great strength, though it may appear that we have succumbed to failure. 

I’ve wondered why and how the term “sweet surrender” came to exist when we more often associate this concept with a bitter taste. The term “sweet surrender” is typically used to refer to sudden, unexpected, but pleasant changes, often in the specific context of love. But can it be generalized to other areas of our lives? 

We can’t experience “sweetness” until we identify the need to relinquish control. Bitterness and resentment appear only when we insist on holding on to old ideas that no longer serve us or our reality.

​Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

by Barbara J Hopkinson

Do our spirits really continue?

How do we trust that?

Can we surrender to that belief?
 
When my 21-year-old son Brent died suddenly in a motorcycle accident, it sent me on a multi-year journey to figure out if he was okay and if his spirit really did continue.  At that point, I had gotten away from my Catholic religion and had been working in the international corporate world for years where we were too “busy” to think or talk about such things. 

I didn’t trust any of it, but after that tragedy, I had to find out.

As parents, our #1 job is to protect our children.  I not only needed   hope that my son continued in some form, I needed to confirm his condition, his existence—in any form.  And if I found out there was nothing “after” life here, then at least I’d know.  

I did traditional things like prayer, therapy, and seeking support from family and friends, but I also journaled, learned to meditate, did several kinds of energy healing, went to spiritual development classes, read tons of books, and watched for signs, writing them down.  Two months after Brent’s death, a friend of the family gave me a book written about after-death communications in a very credible way.  Then a couple months later, one of my close friends gave me another book that opened my mid to reincarnation (which I did not then believe in). 

Around that time, I reached out to a medium through a mutual friend, something I had never done before.  I didn’t know what to expect, but was amazed at how “normal” she was and what she knew about my son, mother, and father—things my friend did not know.  I started to hope, to trust . . . but I needed more evidence.  I went to more mediums (referred to me, the best way) and received more and better evidence.

I was also blessed with friends that my son could communicate through to give me messages.  These were people I trusted and did not pay.  After one group meditation, that friend described the flowers Brent gave me for Mother’s Day the year he died, and something I’d put in his casket before closing it, which I told no one about.   She didn’t even know what it was that she was describing, but I knew immediately!  I also saw another friend channel a song from Brent in my living room!  I had a huge emotional reaction and we didn’t know where it came from.  Then she figured it out and he realized she could understand him.  Subsequently, Brent sent her many more messages for me.

One was particularly evident.  I moved into a summer place for a few weeks, where this friend had never been.  I decided to take a walk before unpacking, and on the way back, I got a text from her: “Brent said ‘Be careful going up your front steps, Mom.’”  I smiled, texted “Thanks,” and kept going.  When I got back though, I was amazed!  There was a large crack the length of the front wooden step.  If I’d put my weight on the outside edge, I’d have fallen and hurt myself.  Thank you, Brent!

There are many other signs and examples, and I have started work to chronicle the most credible ones from myself and other families I support in my next book.  I will have these, other books, and many types of resources in my nonprofit’s new web site, coming soon.

These signs bring us hope about our loved ones, and they help us to surrender to the belief that all of our spirits continue and that we can honestly trust that they do!  I hope you can SURRENDER and TRUST.

Barbara J Hopkinson, President and Executive Director of A Butterfly’s Journey nonprofit, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

By Ricia L. Maxie, M.A.

Many years ago as a young adult I received a profound message.  In an image that felt as real as sitting here writing these words, I was standing in the center of an impressive round stage, constructed of slatted wood, with hundreds of empty theater chairs all around. I found myself feeling as though a momentous event was about to occur. A ceaseless, bright light shone down on me directly from above, leaving the remaining stage in darkness, silence filling the vacant seats.  I didn’t feel alone but with no understanding as to why.

When my mind tried to concentrate on the imminent outcome a light shone on someone standing at the edge of the circular stage facing toward the center—toward me. As my focus cleared I could see a treasured friend from my teen years whom I had missed terribly.  A smile formed on my lips and my facial muscles relaxed as I looked into the loving eyes of my long-lost companion.  

Just as quickly as it shone on this friend, the light moved to another individual standing on the stage’s perimeter looking toward me. Love again filled my heart as my eyes perceived a young childhood friend peering back at me, smiling, imbuing me with grand memories.  

Over and over the light moved from one to another: friends from the past, the present as an adult, and the future with those whom I was yet to meet.  Each one brought me an immeasurable joy until my eyes landed on a woman with whom I had currently worked and disliked intensely. The feeling of peace and joyfulness was shattered and immediately I asked Guidance, “Why is she here?  I love all the others but I don’t love her!  I don’t even like her!”  Insulted and angry, I couldn’t understand why she dared stand with those whom I shared fond memories.

Something compelled me to look into her eyes which were staring intently at me with a softness I hadn’t expected.  She had been a cruel woman who tricked me into believing she was a friend only to address me later in a callous, heartless, and dispassionate manner. While my mind was trying to decipher what was happening, she placed her hands together, fingers pointed upward, palm touching palm, in a Namaste position (taught to me as a sign that the “God in me sees the God in you”).  She then bowed her head, tilted it upward with a sideways glance, and winked, as if to say, “I’m honored to have served you in this lifetime.  I agreed to be the dreadful person in your life so that you could learn. Thank you for this privilege.”  Flabbergasted, I stared at her, understanding the profundity of these words that formulated in my mind as if she telepathically shared them with one wink of an eye.

Shaking me out of the momentary pause, the light continued to circle the stage’s perimeter, each time shining on a loved one until again it landed on someone else whom I strongly disliked. I didn’t need a wink and Namaste to remind me of how this relationship fulfilled some preordained lesson.

There’s no telling how long this insightful incident took place (a moment, an hour, a day) but its impact has lasted a lifetime.

Relationships are all like this experience.  We learn through love and we learn to love. By no means am I an expert on relationships that hold various forms of love, like, and dislike.  I only know that I continue to learn and understand that forgiveness for the difficult relationships is the key.  I’m thankful that Guidance shared this wisdom with me and I hold this lesson close to my heart, hoping to remember it on a daily basis.

Ricia L. Maxie, An internationally renowned intuitive consultant/mystic, Reiki practitioner, and speaker, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To order your copy of these inspirational books, click here.

by Suzanne Baker Hogan

Relationships can be extremely challenging. Why? Because they are prime opportunities for growth. Relationships trigger our ancient wounds so that we can finally heal them. They ask us to stop coping with our pain in limiting ways. They push us to grow so much that we finally love ourselves. 

Of course, when we are hurt in a relationship, it can seem impossible to understand why. We can feel so unjustly treated by someone we let deeply into our lives. Emotions fly, issues surface, and we are thrust into the deep end overnight. The task is to feel what we feel instead of burying it. It is to look within ourselves instead of focusing on being wronged, because we are actually being pushed to grow rapidly. And all the souls involved are guiding the process.

Can you recognize a relationship in your own life that hurt you badly? Looking back, can you see the lesson you learned and how invaluable it was? Sure, it can feel unjust to search within when you’ve been so blatantly hurt, but the purpose is always clear down the road. You were being asked to be true to yourself.

Think about a relationship that ended when you didn’t want it to. This may have felt brutal at the time, but this ending freed you for greater things. You may have fought the process, but it allowed you to have new relationships. Years later, can you see that you were being opened up for more? You would have remained stagnant otherwise.

The other day, I was wounded by someone dear to me. This friend and former employee trespassed on my generosity in a very personal way at a very vulnerable time. She showed a blatant disregard for my needs, repeatedly. It happened in my own home and took me completely by surprise. 

But as this wounding was happening, I maintained awareness of the lesson at hand. I could see that my friend’s soul was in on the lesson too, and I was able to put blame aside. I was being challenged to stop accommodating people at my own expense. I was being pushed to say “Enough!” and to set boundaries in the sacred space where I live. All so that I could become stronger and empowered. From then on, I would be firm and clear about taking care of myself.

Sometimes it takes a shocking situation to finally grow. This pushes us more than our humanness might allow. Relationships aid the process immensely. Even those that might seem negative. Because the people who seem unloving in your life actually emphatically love you—at the soul level. In fact, that is how much we love each other. We are willing to play the roles required to help one another grow. We are teaching each other to say “Enough!” so that we finally love and honor ourselves.  

Suzanne Baker Hogan, spiritual writer and author of SharetheSpiritual.com and Twin Flame Help, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.