Somewhere inside me is a knowing
Somewhere outside me is a knowing
When these two connect there is a great understanding

Walking is my time to meditate, to relax my mind and body and release some of the stress I carry. Today, as I walked, I reflected on my seeming inability to grow African violets. I’d taken leaf clippings from several plants and planted them in new pots, watered them diligently with a Miracle Gro mixture, and waited impatiently. It’s been almost two months and nothing visible is happening. Are they growing? Why is it taking so long? The questions invited in my friends Worry, Doubt, and Fear. (They’re not very good friends.)

Then I moved on to my new story idea, which is taking a long time to germinate. It doesn’t matter that I have tons of research to do. I want to write now. And, of course, I don’t know what to write, and that not knowing is irritating me. Add more worry, doubt, and fear.

So today I decided to let go of the uncertainty—the fear of uncertainty—around not knowing. I don’t know what I’m having for lunch or dinner. I don’t know who will email me today. I don’t know what I’m going to feel about the stories I’m reading for a contest. And those are okay. They’re little. But the story . . . I have a lot of attachment to that. So I started tapping (EFT) on releasing that fear of uncertainty about something that feels big. And these words came to me:

Somewhere inside me is a knowing
Somewhere outside me is a knowing
When these two connect there is a great understanding

Somewhere inside me is a knowing reminded me to take a deep breath and center in my heart. That is the place of awareness, consciousness, truth. From that place I can be anything, do anything. Somewhere outside me is a knowing reminded me that there is a greater power—God/Spirit/the Divine—that operates from pure love. And even though I may feel impatient, it has impeccable timing and things come to pass for my highest good. When these two connect there is a great understanding reminded me that when I open my heart and feel my truth, I automatically connect with Spirit, and I am in that zone of knowing. And that knowing is available to me at any time. I may be resistant to or uncertain of the outcome, but it’s there, open, just waiting for me.

When you’re feeling the pressures of everyday life, when you’re striving for something and you feel you’re just not making it, connect with your heart and remember your truth:

Somewhere inside me is a knowing
Somewhere outside me is a knowing
When these two connect there is a great understanding


 

For years I prayed for guidance, asking God to send me a sign, preferably large and neon so I wouldn’t miss it. Well, I didn’t get that, but I do get lots of whispers in my head that give me book titles and scenes for my stories, and I get feelings of joy and lightness and bubbles of excitement when I’m about to undertake something wonderful.

How do you tune in? Do you have a feeling in your gut, your chest, your head? Do you hear words or sounds or see color?

These things are your road map for a better life. If you don’t follow the signs, you can end up depressed, frustrated, and deeply unhappy. If you do follow them, you’re on the road to life that’s more fulfilling and happier and exciting.

I’ve been talking about marketing yourself, your business, and your books and I firmly believe that writers need to do that. We have to let people know about what we do. But I’m a terrible follower in this case. I’m much more in the camp of telling, not showing. So I resolved to do something about it and I contacted a marketing coach and had a conversation. She asked about me and my business and what kinds of marketing I’ve used and I gave ridiculously brief answers. It was painful to talk about me. I just wanted her to solve the problem and tell me what to do. Through her patience and questioning she finally got enough information and told me that I needed to find my “why”—what’s driving me to want more customers? What will I do with the increase in money? What happens after I pay the bills and have some money left over. In other words, what do I want?

I couldn’t answer her. I blanked. We ended the call with her telling me about her programs and she suggested I think it over and get back to her in a few days.

The whole conversation felt like moving through sludge. I wasn’t at all excited. I figured she could help me if I was willing to do the work, but was I any more willing now than before?

Shortly after that call I tuned into a webinar about financial freedom from a spiritual perspective, using the elements to help you create and maintain balance in your life. From the beginning, I was captivated with the tone of the speaker and the information that was shared. My being lit up, and that warm, bubbly feeling flowed through me. I was excited! And before the webinar ended I signed up for the program.

What a difference in those two calls.

The sludgy feeling I had in the marketing call was my intuition telling me this wasn’t right. There was nothing wrong with the marketing coach or her program. I know she’s wonderful. Other people have used her and find her amazing. But she’s not for me. And the warm, bubbly feeling of joy and lightness I had with the financial freedom program was a clear sign that it was a fit.
​
We’re meant to have fun, to be filled with joy, to do what we love. Work can be play if it excites you and makes you feel good. So, are you tuning in? What are you feeling or hearing? Your intuition is there for you, pointing the way. Take its advice.

​Self-care isn’t always about indulging yourself in manicures and late-night movies (although those are really important). Self-care is about doing what’s needed to have the life you want, no matter how difficult it may seem: Speaking up to your best friend or your boss, recycling the clothes you’ll never fit into no matter how many diets you try, asking for professional help so you can resolve your relationship or insomnia or whatever isn’t working. Now, more than ever, is the time for you to take care of you. The stronger and more centered you are, the easier it will be to weather what crops up.
 
Following are ten ways to step up your positive attitude and overall well-being:

1. Say what you mean. Are you afraid to express yourself because you’ll hurt someone’s feelings or your words might be misconstrued? Speaking up is much more than just saying “no.” When you don’t express yourself or stuff your feelings, people don’t have the opportunity to see and know the real you. Being true to yourself not only empowers you, it empowers those around you. So don’t be afraid to speak your truth. When you say what you mean you honor yourself and you give others the chance to know you, the real you, the one they’re longing to know.
2. Take baby steps. Whatever your goal, you don’t have to get there today. Or even tomorrow. Trying to get there too fast can cause stress and frustration and bring up feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “why can’t I be like him/her?” Remember the wise saying, “All good things come to those who wait.” Picture the Buddha and see yourself smiling and patient. Make one new change in your lifestyle and see how that goes. When that’s working well, then add something else. Take baby steps. There’s no hurry.
3. Let go of the past. Isn’t it amazing how hard it is to let go? Those events that transpired eons ago—the raise you didn’t get, the relationship that failed, a family member saying you’ll never amount to anything—can still create feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt. And all that’s doing is ruining your current life. It’s time to let those puppies go. You don’t have to be stuck with that baggage. Coaching, energy healing, therapy, meditation, inner child work, tapping, there are hundreds of methods to help you access those memories and transform them. And when you rewrite the past, you create a brand new present.
4. Connect with Spirit. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God or the Divine or simply an energy that binds us all together. Seeing, understanding, believing, or knowing about that connection serves to calm you. You could be exercising or deep breathing or just looking at a flower, something that transports you out of your typical awareness. When you’re in that “zone,” you feel a deep inner peace that can transcend time and space. Those little moments are like nectar to your body, mind, and soul.
5. Appreciate yourself. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How do you love yourself? Can you count the ways?” Appreciation goes farther than skin deep. It penetrates to the core of your being and radiates beyond. The more you love yourself, the more lovable you become. We all have our flaws and faults, but this is about finding the things you like. Do you love your eyes, the way you support your friends and family, how you find joy in the little things? Start a list of the things you appreciate, at least one per day, and tell yourself how much you love that quality. Before you know it you’ll be in love with YOU.
6. Reward yourself. Are you searching for acknowledgment? Recognition? A little praise? You don’t have to wait for someone else to give it. Give it to yourself! It’s easy to overlook all the little things you do—cleaning the house, exercising, finishing that painting. But all those things matter and create space for the bigger things—an inviting home, a well-toned body, winning first place at the art show. Acknowledge your successes and reward yourself (the reward begins a pattern of self-acknowledgment). Take a bubble bath with lighted candles and soft music. Indulge in that dark chocolate. Buy yourself a new dress. You deserve it!
7. Get up and move. Exercise may be a dreaded word, but the body is designed to move. Exercise improves your mood, increases endorphins, and decreases stress. So get up and move! You don’t have to join a gym. Even little movements can help. Try stretching or ease into yoga or qigong. Walking outdoors is fantastic. Or dust off your stationary bicycle or elliptical machine. If you’re at work and you only have a minute or two, get up from your desk and take a brisk walk around the office. Movement makes the body happy and a happy body means a happier you.
8. Be grateful. Giving thanks is one of the most important aspects of self-care. If you do nothing else, be grateful for who you are and what you have. As in self-appreciation, find something to be thankful for—your job, your friends, your spouse, your health, your house, the food you eat, the ground under your feet. Nothing is too small. Giving thanks creates a beautiful vibration that increases your prosperity and attracts more to be thankful for. [Try the thirty-day experiment in Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout.]
9. Laugh and play. When was the last time you felt like a little kid? Remember playtime? Hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks? Games that made you laugh and squeal with pleasure? Your inner child is still with you, wanting to come out and play. Fun lights up your soul and makes you radiate with joy. So dip your toes into a nearby lake, pull out the croquet set, play some badminton or horseshoes or miniature golf. Get your joy on! You might be surprised how wonderful you feel.
10. Follow your dreams. Now that you’ve revitalized your inner child, take a moment and recapture your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Dreams are fueled by your imagination, and your imagination is endless. If you wanted to be a painter, what about a painting class? If you thought about writing, try an online course or join a writer’s group. If you wanted to be an astronaut, visit a space camp. It’s never too late. Creativity and exploration are like candy to your soul. So let your imagination loose and explore. You’ll feel recharged and restored.

 
There’s no guarantee that life won’t throw you more curve-balls. As we all know, it’s a crazy obstacle course. But if you use some or all of the steps here, you will be a happier, healthier, and more prosperous YOU.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal, ​July 2018]

In the beginning there was only Love and Love settled upon the Earth and held it in its stillness, until all upon the Earth breathed in and out in unison. Now we’re in the twenty-first century where we race for the cheapest places to shop, the fastest route from point A to point B, and the easiest way to get things done. Technology is no longer the playground of advanced science but the common ground for our current lifestyle of electronics, hybrid cars, fast food, and much more. We are connected via phones and computers but disconnected from each other.
 
We have forgotten the concept of universal energy, proved to a more modern world by Albert Einstein with his famous equation about relativity. But centuries before Einstein there were cultures around the world that understood the energy that permeates every living thing—Japanese (Ki), Chinese (Chi), Sanskrit (Prana), Lakota Sioux (Neyatoneyah), Hebrew (Ruach or Roohah), Tibetan (Lung), and so forth.
 
Not only does the familiar phrase “we are all energy” hold true, but that energy that flows through us, between us, among us, and around us, binds us to every other living thing. At the heart of it all is a oneness, a connectedness not just to other humans, but to plants and trees, birds, animals, insects, the oceans, even the very ground we stand on. When you go outside and sink your feet into the grass in your front yard, you send an energy signal to Mother Earth to feel your vibrations, to open a channel of connectivity, to harmonize with your energy. If, at the moment of connecting, you’re feeling happy or joyful or grateful, you bless the earth with positivity. If you’re feeling angry, anxious, or sad, then you imbue those feelings into the ground.
 
Everything we do, think, and feel becomes part of the fabric of our environment, the people around us, the community we live in, and so on. The butterfly effect, whose name was coined by meteorologist Edward Lorenz, shows how the smallest of actions—the flapping of a butterfly’s wings—can cause major upheaval in another location and time. The first precept of Buddhism states, “I undertake the training to avoid taking the life of beings.” The word being applies to all living things, not just humans. Pesky mosquitoes, rodents that carry diseases, unwanted plants and trees are all part of that edict. We’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s okay to kill or remove or get rid of these beings as part of daily life because everyone else does the same. But as we awaken, as consciousness raises, as the collective becomes more enlightened, perhaps it’s time to change our habits and embrace more loving selves.
 
North Georgian Tom Blue Wolf talks about “all our relations,” the thread of life, of energy that connects all living things. We experience this life in the early morning birdsong, the running of sap through an old growth tree, the rush of clear spring water in a stream near a garden, the majestic wonder of a deer standing in silent salute. These pieces of life ask nothing from us and exist without our doing, yet how much more significant might they be if we looked on them with more consciousness?
           
 
There’s a profound grace that comes with the attentiveness of being more conscious. Through the awareness of the breath, the simple act of noticing the inhale and exhale, we can begin to experience that deeper connection, that quiet that resounds with energy, that relation to all things. Even one moment is beneficial and carries tremendous importance. Imagine everyone, everywhere, doing the same thing, being in that space of awareness.
           
What would happen if we were all to breathe as one?

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal​, September 2017]

Do you love yourself only when you feel good? What about when you fail a test, don’t get a raise, or can’t fit into your new clothes? What if you could really love yourself all the time?
 
The term “self-love” means the love of oneself, the instinct or desire to promote one’s own well-being. True self-love is not narcissistic or self-indulgent but an awareness of your inner power.  Self-love acknowledges who you are and what you like. Those stirrings inside you (a love of nature, playing with color, writing songs, rescuing animals) are meant to point your way. By cultivating your gifts, you show your true passions to the world. Your light illuminates the way for others and allows them to shine as well.
 
How do you start loving yourself? Here are five ways to begin the journey.
 
1) Address self-sabotage. Does your inner voice say you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough? Those negative thoughts stem from past experience and are lodged in your unconscious. Before you can practice self-love you need to let them go. You can heal these thoughts through techniques like hypnotherapy, coaching, tapping (EFT), and the Sedona Method. By changing your beliefs, you allow the real you to emerge.
 
2) Use affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that train your subconscious mind to develop new ways of thinking. Here are some self-love affirmations to get you started.
 
I love myself just the way I am.
I appreciate who I am right now.
I let go of my fears and go forward with confidence.
 
3) Appreciate yourself. Really look in the mirror. When was the last time you told yourself how beautiful or handsome you are? Loving what you see is an act of courage, a demand for unconditional acceptance. Last year when I was suffering with horrible hip pain and screaming my anguish, I confronted myself. The lies I’ve perpetrated. The ones that said I’m not beautiful. I’m not worthy. I am less than. I stood there with tears streaming down my face and said, “I love you.” At first I could barely whisper those words. But with each repetition my voice strengthened. As I confirmed the truth about me, the pain lessened until it finally disappeared and I acknowledged who I really am.
 
Start with what you DO like and really love that part of you. The more you do this, the more you’ll incorporate parts of you that you didn’t like before. And when you truly love yourself, others will too.
 
4) Be creative. Do you love to play with color, write, sing, make something with your hands? Give yourself permission to follow that voice that’s saying “can I, can I?” Play. Explore. Discover. Embracing your passions is a sure way to love yourself.
 
5) Practice forgiveness. Criticizing yourself or comparing yourself to others only hurts you. Sometimes it’s hard to remember you’re not perfect. But holding on to that resentment can cripple your body, literally. Forgiveness is a way to heal and move forward with peace and love. Say a forgiveness prayer faithfully—for at least 30 days— and watch those hurts begin to release and dissolve.
 
These are just a few ways to practice self-love and engage in loving thoughts. The more you love yourself, the more you step into your power. Experience the love that is rightfully yours. Let your light shine. Be the amazing person you can be.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal​, March 2017]

by Judy Keating

We have often been told “it is better to give than receive.” It is truly a wonderful feeling when we are able to give to people we love. Society has deemed the giver a more honorable place to be. 

If you have ever been in a relationship where you are always giving, in most cases you become resentful, even if it is unconsciously. Brené Brown, who is world famous for her work in helping people with shame, vulnerability, and worthiness, shared a personal revelation. Do I as a giver have a judgment about the receiver?  Sit with that. Have you ever felt like the person you were giving to was weak or “needed your help?”  

If so, than in your giving you have possibly devalued that other person and it is no wonder that you feel uncomfortable receiving. In our society being weak or needy is paramount to the plague. This mindset muddies the water of being in a relationship. 

When we are in conscious equal partnership with another, we honor, believe, and expect that the giving and receiving will go both ways. Being open to receive is essential. Imagine that you could only breathe out. Eventually you would pass out due to lack of breath. When we breathe in, we receive; when we breathe out we give back and the plants, trees, etc. benefit. What an incredible system that is, automatically set for giving and receiving because it is a natural cycle. Yes, receiving is indeed as virtuous as giving. Without the cycle being completed and flowing in both directions, the energy becomes stagnant and without life force.

Receiving takes vulnerability. It is the art of being open to what life wants to gift you. Are there things, people, and accomplishments in your life that you desire?  Are you ready to receive? 
Here are 3 ways to increase your ability to receive:

1.    Be grateful for what you have. Not the platitude of gratitude. Put your hand on your heart, think of someone, something, or a place that you love. Then breathe into that love and send thanks and appreciation. This helps anchor the gift that appreciation is a way of receiving on a deeper level what someone has given you.

2.    Do not attach to what you want having to come “your way.” We have all tried to figure out how to get something the way we think it should happen. This blocks receiving from many other avenues. And it can prevent us from seeing other potentials and opportunities.

3.    Read Gay Hendricks' The Big Leap which uncovers upper limit beliefs that prevent us from receiving more love, goodness, money, health, or happiness determined by our Upper Limit internal set point. This is about understanding your unconscious beliefs about receiving and ways to change them.

The most profound way you can improve your ability to receive is to notice what you feel when receiving anything—a compliment, help with a heavy door, an unexpected gift or bonus, or someone saying I want to give you (fill in the blank).  Stop and notice what feelings, sensations, or thoughts pop up. Do you deflect, shrink, or feel uncomfortable? Just notice what happens. Becoming conscious of how you receive will give you valuable information about ways to better your acceptance of being open to receive what you desire most—connection, joy, and gratitude for all you have been given.

​Judy Keating M.A. is a co-author of F.A.I.T.H, Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. She is a Master Certified Shift Your Grief ™ Coach, an intuitive healer, Reiki Master, Crystalline Consciousness Technique Advanced Practitioner, sought-after Workshop Facilitator, and Public Speaker. See her website www.innerlifecoaching.net for more information.

by Terry Crump

It’s really important to be able to receive love and receive compassion. It is as important as being able to give it. – Pema Chodron

As the end of the year approaches and the holiday season gets into full swing, I have been reflecting on our practice of giving and receiving gifts.  I have realized that in some ways it has been somewhat easier to accept the gifts that others offer to me during the holidays, a discreet period of time, rather than throughout the year.  Like a distinct badge of honor, I’ve carried around this notion of it “being better to give than to receive,” allowing this belief to resonate from my being, defining who I am—a giver. I’ve also looked around and seen that there are some pretty happy folks who do just fine with receiving. No, these aren’t particularly selfish, self-serving, or needy individuals. Instead, they are ones simply more free in accepting what others offer to them, making no apologies for taking what is given. They are confident with or without the gift.  With this observation in mind, it’s become apparent that one possible root issue around discomfort with receiving is feeling as though one is undeserving of what is good without working hard for it.  There is a lack of confidence in our worthiness and value when we struggle to accept the kindness being lavished upon us without “paying our due.”  We believe, “I must do something to earn this gift.”  

Having lived part of my life in the Caribbean with strong ties to the culture, I can say that there is absolute disdain for “laziness.” So it can be unsettling to think that we are accepting something for which we have not worked.  Can you identify with this? There is also the air of pride that we have worked for everything have.  We are independent, relying on no one, even if that self-reliance comes at a very high cost (e.g., bitterness about how hard a struggle has been, poor physical and/or emotional health after we’ve pushed our bodies beyond what is humanly possible).  Truthfully, sometimes we have underlying feelings of resentment of “not getting back what we give.”  Yet, we still refuse to allow opportunities for reciprocity in receiving acts of compassion. Perhaps we fear how we’ll be perceived for accepting help, or want to avoid feelings of indebtedness to another person because of their generosity. In the end, we may push others away and essentially avoid the intimacy that comes with giving and receiving.

What if we removed our typical capes of helping, doing, and saving others, just allowing ourselves to be nurtured? Flip the script and exchange roles. Consider the fact that your refusal to accept a gift/gesture impacts the other person as well. It may translate to that person as rejection—of their thoughtfulness, sacrifice, general need to be of service, to feel appreciated for some act. 

Starting today, you can choose to recognize your own value. You are enough, just as you are, without embellishment or action or change. You deserve to receive life’s gifts and to simply say, “Thank you!” By receiving, you are affirming yourself, as worthy of the gift, and affirming the giver, recognizing that what s/he has offered you is of value. These are very powerful and meaningful interactions.

​Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

by Angela Rodriguez

A day ago I was graced by an experience that reminded me of the great joy of choice.

I went to a going away party for a co-worker of my boyfriend Damian. I opted to drive myself so Damian could stay later and enjoy himself. 

One of his co-workers, whom I was meeting for the first time, shook my hand with the cupping fashion of over and under, which to me is the best type of handshake as it forms a full circle from the heart chakra, down the arm, through the hand, up the other arm, and back to the heart chakra.

As he moved on to greet more people, I turned to Damian and said, "He's a very special guy. I like his energy." Damian smiled in agreement and said, "You can tell all that from a simple handshake?"

Hours passed and it was time to go. As I said my goodbyes, this same genuine man said, "I don't know if you've been drinking, but I saw the police setting up a DUI checkpoint on Broadway Street. To avoid it all, you should take El Camino home."

It was brisk and dark outside. I kissed Damian farewell, then swiftly continued to my car.  I talked myself into taking El Camino, even though it would add another 10-15 minutes to my commute home.

As I approached El Camino, readying myself to turn right, my eye caught the shadow of someone in the crosswalk. In my mind, this someone was definitely taking to long to cross. I let out a deep sigh, while my inside voice said, oh c'mon, hurry up already!!

The figure grew closer, and I realized it was an elderly woman with a cane and rolling basket full of groceries, who was so dutifully attempting to get across the street with all of her might.

I took another deep breath, and suddenly my breath caught in my throat. My headlights caught the front wheels of her cart and one of the wheels wedged itself in a crack in the street. The woman moved her cart to and fro, but it would not budge and almost tipped over. 

I watched her for a good 30 seconds, conflicted in helping because she appeared to almost get the cart out herself. 

Time slowed down in my internal clock and headlights started to line up in my rear view mirror. I knew I had to help her. I jumped out of my car, approached her gently, then smiled broadly at her as I asked her if she needed any assistance.

She looked at me with delight, smiled back, and said, "Oh, yes, please, it's so hard for me now that there aren't many taxis."

I lifted her cart of groceries up and out of the crack, then placed the cart on the sidewalk. I heard her gasp with surprise at my strength, which made me giggle. The headlights behind my car were now 5 car lengths deep, and the light had turned from red to green, however not a one was honking with impatience. A pleasant surprise. I walked back into the crosswalk to assist the lady to the corner. I took her elbow and guided her safely up the curb. She thanked me profusely and told me she was fine now and lived close by. 

As we quickly said our farewells, a man rolled by on a bicycle. His eyes locked with mine, and he simply said, "God bless you."

I climbed back into my car and finally made that right hand turn onto El Camino, saying to myself, "That was Jesus." The entire incident, from beginning to end, was divine flow. Gratefully I chose to listen, to allow, to serve. In the end, I was blessed with the full circle of love which all started with a handshake that wasn't so simple after all. 

With Gratitude, dear readers, listen to the gentle flow of Spirit and ride on its breath. Happy Holidays!

Angela Rodriguez, Sergeant of Police for the San Francisco Police Department, an Advanced Reiki Practitioner, and Intermediate Channel, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here. 

​Poem by Azizi Blissett 

​breathe In 
breathe Out 
breathe Once 
breathe Twice 
breathe Deep 
breathe Slow 

Surrender to the rhythm 

push Once 
pull Twice 

Surrender to the rhythm 

tense In 
tense Out 

Surrender to the rhythm 

exhale 
inhale 

Surrender to the rhythm 

grip Hard 
grip Tight 

Surrender to the rhythm 

thrust Up 
thrust Down 

Surrender to the rhythm 

move In 
move Out 

press Back 
press Forward 
stand Firm 
stand Still 

Surrender to the rhythm 
open Wide 
close Shut 

Surrender to the rhythm 
Experience the rhythm 
my rhythm 
of letting go

Azizi Blissett, Law of Attraction Life Coach and Founder and Executive Director of zFusion, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Terry Crump

Always say yes to the present moment . . . Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life—and see how life starts suddenly to start working for you rather than against you. –Eckhart Tolle

When I reflect on this concept of surrender, a number of images and phrases come to mind. What emerges is a visualization of people standing in a place of worship, singing with fervor, “I surrender all,” or hearing the hook to a neosoul artist, “Surrender to love, ’cause love is the only way.” I even have flashes of some individual being arrested by the police, with their hands up in the “universal” signal of surrender.  These depictions, however, never connote peace or anything remotely appealing to me. Perhaps it’s because surrender is a place that’s all too familiar.  Digging deeper, I must acknowledge that the need for surrender has frequently disrupted my world, creating loss, precipitating the onslaught of tears, inciting the rise of anger, and an overwhelming desire to scream because once again a goal or dream has been shattered. Things suddenly went left.  

Here are the aspects of surrendering that personally create the most dissonance:
•   The expectation is that I must relinquish control rather than fighting against some typically undesirable outcome.  
•   I’ve constructed a picture of how things are “supposed to be” which is now a mismatch with how they are. This is not what my visualization looked like.
•   There’s a tension between assuming a defeatist stance (i.e., surrendering) versus accepting that things are unfolding in a manner that differs from my expectations.
•   I am not a quitter!
•   I’m really being driven by the fear that my needs will not be met.  Therefore, I must fight harder!
•   I’m being asked to trust and believe that there is some greater good that will come of this, and I just don’t know if I can do that.

There is a nuanced dance wherein we are effective agents of change who persist in actions to chart our own life course, but we also have wisdom in recognizing when surrender is what’s indicated.  To facilitate such recognition, we must reign in the ego, especially those notions that we are always in control.
Surrender requires great strength, though it may appear that we have succumbed to failure. 

I’ve wondered why and how the term “sweet surrender” came to exist when we more often associate this concept with a bitter taste. The term “sweet surrender” is typically used to refer to sudden, unexpected, but pleasant changes, often in the specific context of love. But can it be generalized to other areas of our lives? 

We can’t experience “sweetness” until we identify the need to relinquish control. Bitterness and resentment appear only when we insist on holding on to old ideas that no longer serve us or our reality.

​Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.