by Barbara J Hopkinson

How does the word “authentic” relate to grief?

The same as it does in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself.  

Are you being honest about how you feel after the loss of a loved one? Are you taking good enough care of yourself?  Are you listening to others’ opinions over your own intuition on what’s best for you?  Are you open to new things that might help you heal?  

Are you choosing to heal?  

I’ve lost three children, a 30-year marriage, and the sight in my right eye.  Each time, I had to choose to heal . . . and move on.  Once the process was so bad, I attempted suicide. Not successful, thankfully, but it made me realize that I had a choice to make!  I chose to stay alive and do the work to heal, one day at a time, for myself and for my remaining son.  It was so worth it. My life is happy again and I look forward to each new day and to my future.

Through my nonprofit organizations, I support hundreds of families to find a new normal after the loss of a child or other acute grief.  Sometimes, family members seem to want to stay in the pain, to focus on the loss.  They feel guilty if they start to feel better. Is that what their departed children or loved ones want? Is that what remaining family and friends want?  I don’t think so.  You help those who surround you when you help yourself.  And when we choose to heal, we honor our departed loved ones.

Healing is not easy.  It is not quick.  Recognize that each of our grief journeys is unique.  Give others the space and freedom they deserve to heal in their own way.  Try various approaches, new things.  See what works for you. 

Advice from others may be well-meaning, but don’t let it override what your gut is telling you that you need.  Be open to forgive, including yourself.  Most of us are doing the best we can at the time.

Try to focus on the love you shared and the positive memories. It lightens your energy, allows you to attract better things into your life, and makes it easier for your loved ones to connect with you.  Being well is what they want for us.  They are still with us in spirit.  Sometimes you can feel them if you get enough quiet time and focus on the love between you.  Try it!  Be well.

Barbara J Hopkinson, President and Executive Director of A Butterfly’s Journey, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Linda Goodman

When “I” is replaced by “We,” even Illness turns into Wellness. You are not alone in your quest for WELLNESS and Complete Health of Body, Mind, and Spirit, but Knowing Thyself is an important component.

Paul Chek, a health coach, trainer and rehabilitator, identifies six elements of Health:
• Thinking
• Nutrition
• Movement
• Sleeping
• Hydration
• Breathing

You may take a different view of the true definition of good health, but the mind-body connection has been proven; thus, our thoughts should be the first quality we consider. IF there are self-defeating thought patterns or non-interaction, perhaps the focus on self has become such a primary source of information that we don’t recognize we might be out of balance. Interactions can help distract one from discomforts, and laughter is known for its healing power. Daniel Amen of PBS fame suggests “Brain Health” (which involves ALL of the above) is the way to add more vitality and alertness to the years we have.

In a simpler society, going to a healer for being disheartened or decline in the body would have led to these questions:
• When did you stop dancing?
• When did you stop singing?
• When did stories stop inspiring you?
• When did you forget to seek silence?

Asking these questions of ourselves might bring us deeper into knowing our bodies and recognizing unhealthy patterns. Negative self-talk isn’t the way to a healthier self; ACTING upon a newer and healthier habit is.

Studies confirm that chronic stress weakens the immune system. So if you notice you’re keeping a stomachache, or a tight neck, or yelling more and reacting rather than calmly stepping back and responding, consider relaxation techniques that are right for you—walking, yoga, meditating, a massage, sitting quietly in nature. Relaxation is good for the wellness of your Entire Being.

To bring your wellness into balance:

1) Begin a journal and write down, daily: Feelings, Thoughts, Three things that bring gratitude, and note what beliefs or actions might help in getting healthier.

2) Conscious decision-making is a good investment in our health and all other parts of our lives. Walk mindfully, barefoot in the grass, slowly and deliberately. Develop a mantra to guide you on your road to complete health. Or breathe in four stages: Breathe in – Renew and Reaffirm, then Breathe out – Release and Review.  BREATHE mindfully and be aware of NOT holding your breath while anxious.

3) If there’s trauma or a serious medical condition (whether physical or mental) go to a qualified professional, immediately. Reviews, resource materials, and websites will allow you to find someone whose personality and bedside manner is a good fit. Chronic illnesses and pain management need the patient’s Active Participation. Everyone deserves the best care and attention by someone who listens and can provide a healing modality that is right for each situation. Don’t give up until you find what helps you remember how to regain Joy and Dance.

by Maureen Roe

The most essential health one should be concerned with is well-being. While your physical well-being is critical, mental well-being seems to govern the entire system. Our mental health is important and there is a direct correlation between our negative thoughts and how we feel in our bodies. If you disagree, think of a day when things don't go well and your thoughts tend to be less than positive. From that point you cannot turn the situation around and by evening you feel tired, run down, maybe even achy and in pain.  

Working on my self-development solidly now for two decades, I have spent little time suffering emotionally or physically.  Because of some structural issues my body is not without its daily pains, but my focus is on me "feeling good." My "feeling good" in my mind directly correlates to the kind of day I am going to have.  
If you have a stressful lifestyle, this is for you. While many jobs today are very high pressure, many people who have been laid off will tell you that the thought of going back into that kind of setting is not an option. This has driven many to focus on entrepreneurial opportunities to try to find more balance. For example, I am willing to make less money and not have the latest iPhone, iPad, or watch in order to have a 2-hour lunch where I can meditate and gain greater perspective for my life and family, my clients and my work. Your quality of life is not written by some advertising guru. It is what you decide is important to you.

If your life balance is on a teeter totter, then re-evaluate your values and decide what you really want your life to be and not what your friends, the movie stars or the TV, tell you is the good life.

To get started:

1) Make and prioritize a list of the things you value in life, what is important to you (family, relationships, peace, religion, education, money, travel, etc.).

2) Consider each item above in terms of how far away you are from the desired state and determine what you'll need to happen to feel the way you wish to feel. Do you need to add, delete, or change something to be happier?

3) Once you consider ways that you can change your situation to move closer to your desired state, then sit back and think about how it will feel when these changes are made. Use your prioritizing to determine which of these items you will change first.

If you have trouble with this exercise and would like to get some help, please feel free to contact me at maureen@maureenroecoaching.com to set up a complimentary appointment time to help guide you through this exercise.

Maureen Roe is a Self-Expression Coach, Registered Corporate Coach, Metaphysical Minister, Ageless Grace Educator, speaker, and co-author of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Terry Crump

Have you ever been astonished when an individual responds to inquiries about how s/he is doing with, “I am well,” despite significant pain or serious disease? In these types of situations, we might think, “Oh she’s trying to keep a positive outlook; he’s hoping for the best. “ If we are honest with ourselves, more often we tend to be critical, privately thinking that this person should just acknowledge that s/he is struggling, deal with reality, “Stop frontin’!”  It’s easy to embrace the popular cultural viewpoint focusing primarily on one aspect of the self—the physical self, that which can be seen. It’s the same perspective that may overvalue aesthetics and physical appeal while minimizing internal characteristics and traits. But what about the Spirit and/or Soul of a person? Is it possible for one’s Spirit and Soul to be well even in dire circumstances and challenging life experiences? Are some people electing to attend to that which cannot be seen, to those things that may actually be more salient to them and to their survival? Can you feed the Spirit, nurture the Soul, and celebrate life even in the face of the most adverse situations? 

Undoubtedly, yes!  However, first we must adopt a more whole and less reductionist view of ourselves. We are more than just our bodies, with or without its frailties, or appearance, or skin.  These are aspects of our being that don’t necessarily define us. They don’t represent the essence of who we are. Parts of the self may be encountering very challenging circumstances and yet one’s Spirit and Soul can thrive.  It’s the duality of wellness.  If we recognize that a person may present as physically healthy and strong, and yet be suffering emotionally, conversely, one may actually be well and have Lupus or Parkinson’s (pick any feared condition). This is the paradox of being well with illness. 

The challenge for us is to embrace more consistently a wider perspective on wellness, one that is multilayered or multidimensional. Are you emotionally well? Spiritually well? Financially well? Imagine how rich our conversations could be, how connected to each other we would feel if we truly expressed interest in all aspects of the self when we dialogue with each other.  I am not suggesting that we have to examine these intricacies each time we meet, or share all of this with everyone.  But wouldn’t it be nice to expand our thinking about wellness, be less superficial with each other, and be more health-promoting in our exchanges? One of the more apparent benefits would be to reduce isolation and increase connection.

Today, I encourage you to be well in more than just one area. Are you well? Is your soul well? Indeed, I am well.

Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.