Somewhere inside me is a knowing
Somewhere outside me is a knowing
When these two connect there is a great understanding

Walking is my time to meditate, to relax my mind and body and release some of the stress I carry. Today, as I walked, I reflected on my seeming inability to grow African violets. I’d taken leaf clippings from several plants and planted them in new pots, watered them diligently with a Miracle Gro mixture, and waited impatiently. It’s been almost two months and nothing visible is happening. Are they growing? Why is it taking so long? The questions invited in my friends Worry, Doubt, and Fear. (They’re not very good friends.)

Then I moved on to my new story idea, which is taking a long time to germinate. It doesn’t matter that I have tons of research to do. I want to write now. And, of course, I don’t know what to write, and that not knowing is irritating me. Add more worry, doubt, and fear.

So today I decided to let go of the uncertainty—the fear of uncertainty—around not knowing. I don’t know what I’m having for lunch or dinner. I don’t know who will email me today. I don’t know what I’m going to feel about the stories I’m reading for a contest. And those are okay. They’re little. But the story . . . I have a lot of attachment to that. So I started tapping (EFT) on releasing that fear of uncertainty about something that feels big. And these words came to me:

Somewhere inside me is a knowing
Somewhere outside me is a knowing
When these two connect there is a great understanding

Somewhere inside me is a knowing reminded me to take a deep breath and center in my heart. That is the place of awareness, consciousness, truth. From that place I can be anything, do anything. Somewhere outside me is a knowing reminded me that there is a greater power—God/Spirit/the Divine—that operates from pure love. And even though I may feel impatient, it has impeccable timing and things come to pass for my highest good. When these two connect there is a great understanding reminded me that when I open my heart and feel my truth, I automatically connect with Spirit, and I am in that zone of knowing. And that knowing is available to me at any time. I may be resistant to or uncertain of the outcome, but it’s there, open, just waiting for me.

When you’re feeling the pressures of everyday life, when you’re striving for something and you feel you’re just not making it, connect with your heart and remember your truth:

Somewhere inside me is a knowing
Somewhere outside me is a knowing
When these two connect there is a great understanding


 

​Self-care isn’t always about indulging yourself in manicures and late-night movies (although those are really important). Self-care is about doing what’s needed to have the life you want, no matter how difficult it may seem: Speaking up to your best friend or your boss, recycling the clothes you’ll never fit into no matter how many diets you try, asking for professional help so you can resolve your relationship or insomnia or whatever isn’t working. Now, more than ever, is the time for you to take care of you. The stronger and more centered you are, the easier it will be to weather what crops up.
 
Following are ten ways to step up your positive attitude and overall well-being:

1. Say what you mean. Are you afraid to express yourself because you’ll hurt someone’s feelings or your words might be misconstrued? Speaking up is much more than just saying “no.” When you don’t express yourself or stuff your feelings, people don’t have the opportunity to see and know the real you. Being true to yourself not only empowers you, it empowers those around you. So don’t be afraid to speak your truth. When you say what you mean you honor yourself and you give others the chance to know you, the real you, the one they’re longing to know.
2. Take baby steps. Whatever your goal, you don’t have to get there today. Or even tomorrow. Trying to get there too fast can cause stress and frustration and bring up feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “why can’t I be like him/her?” Remember the wise saying, “All good things come to those who wait.” Picture the Buddha and see yourself smiling and patient. Make one new change in your lifestyle and see how that goes. When that’s working well, then add something else. Take baby steps. There’s no hurry.
3. Let go of the past. Isn’t it amazing how hard it is to let go? Those events that transpired eons ago—the raise you didn’t get, the relationship that failed, a family member saying you’ll never amount to anything—can still create feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt. And all that’s doing is ruining your current life. It’s time to let those puppies go. You don’t have to be stuck with that baggage. Coaching, energy healing, therapy, meditation, inner child work, tapping, there are hundreds of methods to help you access those memories and transform them. And when you rewrite the past, you create a brand new present.
4. Connect with Spirit. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God or the Divine or simply an energy that binds us all together. Seeing, understanding, believing, or knowing about that connection serves to calm you. You could be exercising or deep breathing or just looking at a flower, something that transports you out of your typical awareness. When you’re in that “zone,” you feel a deep inner peace that can transcend time and space. Those little moments are like nectar to your body, mind, and soul.
5. Appreciate yourself. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How do you love yourself? Can you count the ways?” Appreciation goes farther than skin deep. It penetrates to the core of your being and radiates beyond. The more you love yourself, the more lovable you become. We all have our flaws and faults, but this is about finding the things you like. Do you love your eyes, the way you support your friends and family, how you find joy in the little things? Start a list of the things you appreciate, at least one per day, and tell yourself how much you love that quality. Before you know it you’ll be in love with YOU.
6. Reward yourself. Are you searching for acknowledgment? Recognition? A little praise? You don’t have to wait for someone else to give it. Give it to yourself! It’s easy to overlook all the little things you do—cleaning the house, exercising, finishing that painting. But all those things matter and create space for the bigger things—an inviting home, a well-toned body, winning first place at the art show. Acknowledge your successes and reward yourself (the reward begins a pattern of self-acknowledgment). Take a bubble bath with lighted candles and soft music. Indulge in that dark chocolate. Buy yourself a new dress. You deserve it!
7. Get up and move. Exercise may be a dreaded word, but the body is designed to move. Exercise improves your mood, increases endorphins, and decreases stress. So get up and move! You don’t have to join a gym. Even little movements can help. Try stretching or ease into yoga or qigong. Walking outdoors is fantastic. Or dust off your stationary bicycle or elliptical machine. If you’re at work and you only have a minute or two, get up from your desk and take a brisk walk around the office. Movement makes the body happy and a happy body means a happier you.
8. Be grateful. Giving thanks is one of the most important aspects of self-care. If you do nothing else, be grateful for who you are and what you have. As in self-appreciation, find something to be thankful for—your job, your friends, your spouse, your health, your house, the food you eat, the ground under your feet. Nothing is too small. Giving thanks creates a beautiful vibration that increases your prosperity and attracts more to be thankful for. [Try the thirty-day experiment in Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout.]
9. Laugh and play. When was the last time you felt like a little kid? Remember playtime? Hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks? Games that made you laugh and squeal with pleasure? Your inner child is still with you, wanting to come out and play. Fun lights up your soul and makes you radiate with joy. So dip your toes into a nearby lake, pull out the croquet set, play some badminton or horseshoes or miniature golf. Get your joy on! You might be surprised how wonderful you feel.
10. Follow your dreams. Now that you’ve revitalized your inner child, take a moment and recapture your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Dreams are fueled by your imagination, and your imagination is endless. If you wanted to be a painter, what about a painting class? If you thought about writing, try an online course or join a writer’s group. If you wanted to be an astronaut, visit a space camp. It’s never too late. Creativity and exploration are like candy to your soul. So let your imagination loose and explore. You’ll feel recharged and restored.

 
There’s no guarantee that life won’t throw you more curve-balls. As we all know, it’s a crazy obstacle course. But if you use some or all of the steps here, you will be a happier, healthier, and more prosperous YOU.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal, ​July 2018]

In the beginning there was only Love and Love settled upon the Earth and held it in its stillness, until all upon the Earth breathed in and out in unison. Now we’re in the twenty-first century where we race for the cheapest places to shop, the fastest route from point A to point B, and the easiest way to get things done. Technology is no longer the playground of advanced science but the common ground for our current lifestyle of electronics, hybrid cars, fast food, and much more. We are connected via phones and computers but disconnected from each other.
 
We have forgotten the concept of universal energy, proved to a more modern world by Albert Einstein with his famous equation about relativity. But centuries before Einstein there were cultures around the world that understood the energy that permeates every living thing—Japanese (Ki), Chinese (Chi), Sanskrit (Prana), Lakota Sioux (Neyatoneyah), Hebrew (Ruach or Roohah), Tibetan (Lung), and so forth.
 
Not only does the familiar phrase “we are all energy” hold true, but that energy that flows through us, between us, among us, and around us, binds us to every other living thing. At the heart of it all is a oneness, a connectedness not just to other humans, but to plants and trees, birds, animals, insects, the oceans, even the very ground we stand on. When you go outside and sink your feet into the grass in your front yard, you send an energy signal to Mother Earth to feel your vibrations, to open a channel of connectivity, to harmonize with your energy. If, at the moment of connecting, you’re feeling happy or joyful or grateful, you bless the earth with positivity. If you’re feeling angry, anxious, or sad, then you imbue those feelings into the ground.
 
Everything we do, think, and feel becomes part of the fabric of our environment, the people around us, the community we live in, and so on. The butterfly effect, whose name was coined by meteorologist Edward Lorenz, shows how the smallest of actions—the flapping of a butterfly’s wings—can cause major upheaval in another location and time. The first precept of Buddhism states, “I undertake the training to avoid taking the life of beings.” The word being applies to all living things, not just humans. Pesky mosquitoes, rodents that carry diseases, unwanted plants and trees are all part of that edict. We’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s okay to kill or remove or get rid of these beings as part of daily life because everyone else does the same. But as we awaken, as consciousness raises, as the collective becomes more enlightened, perhaps it’s time to change our habits and embrace more loving selves.
 
North Georgian Tom Blue Wolf talks about “all our relations,” the thread of life, of energy that connects all living things. We experience this life in the early morning birdsong, the running of sap through an old growth tree, the rush of clear spring water in a stream near a garden, the majestic wonder of a deer standing in silent salute. These pieces of life ask nothing from us and exist without our doing, yet how much more significant might they be if we looked on them with more consciousness?
           
 
There’s a profound grace that comes with the attentiveness of being more conscious. Through the awareness of the breath, the simple act of noticing the inhale and exhale, we can begin to experience that deeper connection, that quiet that resounds with energy, that relation to all things. Even one moment is beneficial and carries tremendous importance. Imagine everyone, everywhere, doing the same thing, being in that space of awareness.
           
What would happen if we were all to breathe as one?

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal​, September 2017]

by Ricia L. Maxie

At this most extraordinary time of Christmas we’re reminded of the story of Scrooge with his ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. These ghosts appeared to him to bring meaning, life, and light to his lifeless and dreary existence.  In the end we’re reminded to keep an open heart and give subsistence, time, and love to others.  

Yet what I’ve discovered is that there are three more insidious ghosts that can permeate us and tremendously limit our lives.  These are the ghost of Jealousy, the ghost of I Don’t Count, and the ghost of I’m Not Good Enough.

When I was a little girl, the ghost of Jealousy resided in our home—filled the walls, saturated the furniture, and, unfortunately and most importantly, imbued our family.  Because it felt like there wasn’t enough love to go around, family members tried to snatch pieces of love away from each other.  The love was there; we just didn’t know how to share it.  The ghost of Jealousy didn’t start with my family of origin, though.  It had woven through generations of ancestors, twisting and turning until it landed squarely in our family unit.

The ghost of Jealousy wasn’t the only spirit to live with us.  I remember one day as a child, standing in the dining room, and the only boy—my baby brother—was carried home from the hospital.  There had been four girls up until then, and there was to be another girl after him.  I was so excited watching my parents and their friends bring him into our home.  His sweet little body was swaddled in yellow blankets; gifts of all sorts were bestowed upon my parents because they finally had a boy.  I was most delighted because he was my charge.  I would watch after him until I moved out.  Yet it took me many years to discover what clogged my cells that day, blinded my eyes, and filled my mind.  I couldn’t distinguish it at the time—I was just seven—but I knew something ghastly had happened.  Something was different and I wasn’t ever going to be the same.  Jealousy for that sweet boy wasn’t in my heart.  It was something else, something more devious. It was the ghost of I Don’t Count.  

The ghost of I’m Not Good Enough directed the next thirty years of my life, triggering within me the feeling that I didn’t have enough to offer and whatever was offered wasn’t nearly good enough.  Anything I did, whether for my family of origin, my own family, or for work, proved to me that the ghost of I’m Not Good Enough was always the winner.

Fortunately I met something stronger than all of those ghosts: The Angel of Receiving.  The Angel of Receiving is a significant, winged Being, shimmering of luminous light, and born of the Source, the Light, the All That Is.  She moves through each person, permeating each with a glow of light, love, and appreciation when we let her.

All Light comes from the Divine, often through the Angels, and is the original gift.  This loving Light is given to us, and if we don’t have walls it fills us with kindness.  We then have something to give to others, to the world.  Giving makes the difference because it makes the planet a more peaceful and livable place.  But we cannot give unless we have first learned to receive.  We can only receive when we free ourselves of ghosts that cause shadows and lifelessness.

It’s hard to speak with or give to someone who is closed to receiving, closed to the inoculation of beauty and tranquility from the Angel of Receiving.  They have little or no appreciation for your gifts, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual.  I used to give gifts frequently until I learned that giving is nothing without the other half.  One of my spiritual teachers stopped allowing me to do for her until I was able to permit my heart to receive.  Best lesson ever.  When we can both give and receive, the Angel assists us with self-worth and self-esteem.  If we can’t receive, we have nothing to give.  When we’re open to receive then we can give.

If I were to still carry jealousy, I couldn’t appreciate people.  If I still felt I didn’t count, I wouldn’t feel worthy.  And if I believed I wasn’t good enough, no gift of any form that I gave could be from a place of love.  The Angel of Receiving trumps any lifeless ghost.  It’s never too late to learn this valuable message.

​Ricia L. Maxie, An internationally renowned intuitive consultant/mystic, Reiki practitioner, and speaker, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To order your copy of these inspirational books, click here.

by Suzanne Baker Hogan

Receiving is about opening ourselves up to love, but too often in my life I have blocked it. I have been given wonderful gifts only to fear receiving them. I have worried about putting people through too much trouble, and very quickly, I have felt beholden to them. I immediately assume that I have to give something back in return because too often in my life I have felt unworthy of being given to. And I have closed my heart for fear of feeling vulnerable. And so, I have accepted people’s gifts like flattery that doesn’t stick, and this constricts the natural flow of life – the balanced exchange of giving and receiving.
 
At the end of the day, I have learned that to restrict the exchange of life honors no one. Restricting is an act of separation that leads to immense struggle. It begets a weary battle of taking and losing.
 
Although we may feel vulnerable when we open ourselves up to receive, this effort echoes human courage. It harkens back to the plan we are all acting out here. We didn’t come to this earth to be restricted and to struggle; we came here to be vulnerable and to grow with love. We are here to receive from others, and in that receiving, find great healing that benefits us forever.
 
Receiving heals, and it is one of the most important lessons that I am learning on my journey. And what I am remembering most is that I naturally know how to give and receive. In fact, it's as easy as breathing.
 
I have simply forgotten how to breathe – how to take in and give back effortlessly, without restriction. And it starts with feeling worthy again of this natural exchange, with remembering that I am already an integral part of everything. Self-love gets me back there. It returns me to myself.
 
If I allow myself to truly engage in the spiritual intimacy of life and not fearfully shy away, I make myself available to unfolding gifts of staggering beauty. Receiving and giving then happen effortlessly, without any planning whatsoever. Without recompense of any kind. This is how we each rediscover our immense value and honor each other in the dance of life. It is where both the giver and receiver bask in gratitude and awe-inspiring love.
 
Nature reminds us how. If a tree were to take in water and not give anything back, it wouldn’t be part of divine balance. It wouldn’t sustain us in its essential way. This is what you are here to do, brave soul – sustain us in the ways that only you can, and this requires that you also receive.

We’ve just ended the month of November, the time for Gratitude. Now we’re easing our way into December, the month usually reserved for Giving. The holidays are upon us and it’s all about giving presents. There’s a wonderful scene near the end of The Bishop’s Wife where David Niven, who plays the Bishop, talks about giving. “You give me a book; I give you a tie. Aunt Martha has always wanted an orange squeezer and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe.” We do our best to “get” what our loved ones want. To “give” so they’ll be happy.

But giving is a two-way practice. When you give a gift, you’re giving more than the item. Shopping for gifts involves time and money. Baking cookies involves food and baking skills. Knitting a sweater includes yarn and crafting expertise. Every gift takes something special. But the most special gift of all is love. You give because you care about the person.

That caring raises a huge question. What about you? The person doing the giving. Who’s taking care of you? Are you getting what you want? Are you getting what you need?

Giving is a wonderful act of human kindness. It warms the soul and is truly an act of love. But if you spend all your energy on giving to others, you’ll be worn out, frazzled, frustrated, and depleted. 

We often concentrate so much on giving we fail to receive.  When was the last time you treated yourself to a movie? Went out for dinner? Got a hug? Had someone tell you how beautiful or handsome you are? 

Lavish gifts are not required. Even a simple “I love you” will suffice. As long as you graciously and willingly receive. If you’re the type of person who feels embarrassed when someone does something nice, get over it. It’s time to receive. Receiving is absolutely necessary for good health. 

This month our FAITH authors explore the topic of receiving and how to open yourself up to having more. 

In the meantime, start practicing receiving. Savor the wonderful feeling that comes when you give to yourself or when someone else gives to you. Take it all in. With practice you’ll become a pro. Not only will you get used to receiving, you’ll enjoy it. Imagine that!

​Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here. 

by Linda Goodman
 
Making conscious decisions and holding ourselves accountable is what makes us responsible adults, yet this need for always being in control (the ego) doesn’t allow for what may happen in our lives when bad things happen to good people.   Of course there are techniques for problem solving, but when the issues are far more complex, our overthinking may keep the noise of the mind so busy that there’s no time to receive quiet clarity.  Trusting the gut or intuition may be a new tool necessary to overcome the ego’s control and, in essence, redefine who we are.
 
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve known people who seem to have always lived in a state of Trust.  It was second nature with no external work required.  Some have lived in a strong faith, but others haven’t; some were of service to humanity, others weren’t.  Perhaps they masked more than could have been noticed, but I’ve often wondered how could they trust so easily when others have been battered and bruised and are now coming to terms with relearning it?  To know self is more important than to analyze another.
 
Just as computer language is written in a basic step-by-step description, there are wisdom traditions that offer a way for each of us within our specific belief system. There is work involved in growing ourselves with the building blocks of each faith.  Here I will refer to God, or The Higher Self, etc. as LOVE, for that is what I believe is our commonality.  I think we all wish to belong and our choice of a companion on this path of trust and surrender is pure, unconditional LOVE.
 
There is sacrifice involved in complete surrender and taking the ego out of the equations.  It’s an ongoing awareness and expansion of our unique (and possibly unknown) capabilities away from our former education.  In Kabbalah, I’ve been taught three Hebrew words (Chokhmah, Binah, Daat) which translate to Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge.  Wisdom is the ability to receive and transmit the spark of new insight as we are able to perceive it.  Understanding is our nourishing and allowing a thought to develop and relate to other thoughts.  But the active function of internalization—connecting the mind and emotions deeply within—is Knowledge:  Daat is the soul’s connection to a subject.  In my opinion, it’s what causes me to grab my chest and say, “This resonates within my soul.”
 
As one embarks on doing any transformational work, having a community of safe people for feeling through the emotions is essential. Find like-minded professionals, a study, and/or a meditation group.  Surrendering to LOVE begins with fully knowing and trusting ourselves and surrendering to loving ourselves.  Accessing the essential core of who we are enables us to find joy in life and peace even in the most difficult times.
 
Below are some powerful messages and books of surrender and hope in moving through the darkness or uncertainty that may be a part of the journey.     

• A Course in Miracles’ Manual for Teachers has a significant outline for working on the awareness of the presence of LOVE, along with the process of forgiveness and allowing trust to return.
• 12 Step program’s The Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
• Psalms 71, 1-3, Prayer of Surrender by King David: “In Thee, O Lord, have I taken refuge; Let me never be ashamed.  Deliver me in Thy righteousness, and rescue me; Incline Thine ear upon me, and save me.  Be Thou to me a sheltering rock, whereunto I may continually resort, Which Thou has appointed to save me; For Thou art my rock and my fortress.”
• Pema Choddron’s The Places That Scare You: Point Three – Transformation of Bad Circumstances into the Path of Enlightenment.

 
In Eckhart Tolle’s words, “When you no longer perceive the world as hostile, there is no more fear, and when there is no more fear, you think, speak, and act differently.”  May your Trust and Surrender take you to the greatest place of LOVE you could have ever imagined.

​Linda Goodman, a Mediator, Reiki Master, and Consultant/Coach, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

By Ricia L. Maxie, M.A.

Many years ago as a young adult I received a profound message.  In an image that felt as real as sitting here writing these words, I was standing in the center of an impressive round stage, constructed of slatted wood, with hundreds of empty theater chairs all around. I found myself feeling as though a momentous event was about to occur. A ceaseless, bright light shone down on me directly from above, leaving the remaining stage in darkness, silence filling the vacant seats.  I didn’t feel alone but with no understanding as to why.

When my mind tried to concentrate on the imminent outcome a light shone on someone standing at the edge of the circular stage facing toward the center—toward me. As my focus cleared I could see a treasured friend from my teen years whom I had missed terribly.  A smile formed on my lips and my facial muscles relaxed as I looked into the loving eyes of my long-lost companion.  

Just as quickly as it shone on this friend, the light moved to another individual standing on the stage’s perimeter looking toward me. Love again filled my heart as my eyes perceived a young childhood friend peering back at me, smiling, imbuing me with grand memories.  

Over and over the light moved from one to another: friends from the past, the present as an adult, and the future with those whom I was yet to meet.  Each one brought me an immeasurable joy until my eyes landed on a woman with whom I had currently worked and disliked intensely. The feeling of peace and joyfulness was shattered and immediately I asked Guidance, “Why is she here?  I love all the others but I don’t love her!  I don’t even like her!”  Insulted and angry, I couldn’t understand why she dared stand with those whom I shared fond memories.

Something compelled me to look into her eyes which were staring intently at me with a softness I hadn’t expected.  She had been a cruel woman who tricked me into believing she was a friend only to address me later in a callous, heartless, and dispassionate manner. While my mind was trying to decipher what was happening, she placed her hands together, fingers pointed upward, palm touching palm, in a Namaste position (taught to me as a sign that the “God in me sees the God in you”).  She then bowed her head, tilted it upward with a sideways glance, and winked, as if to say, “I’m honored to have served you in this lifetime.  I agreed to be the dreadful person in your life so that you could learn. Thank you for this privilege.”  Flabbergasted, I stared at her, understanding the profundity of these words that formulated in my mind as if she telepathically shared them with one wink of an eye.

Shaking me out of the momentary pause, the light continued to circle the stage’s perimeter, each time shining on a loved one until again it landed on someone else whom I strongly disliked. I didn’t need a wink and Namaste to remind me of how this relationship fulfilled some preordained lesson.

There’s no telling how long this insightful incident took place (a moment, an hour, a day) but its impact has lasted a lifetime.

Relationships are all like this experience.  We learn through love and we learn to love. By no means am I an expert on relationships that hold various forms of love, like, and dislike.  I only know that I continue to learn and understand that forgiveness for the difficult relationships is the key.  I’m thankful that Guidance shared this wisdom with me and I hold this lesson close to my heart, hoping to remember it on a daily basis.

Ricia L. Maxie, An internationally renowned intuitive consultant/mystic, Reiki practitioner, and speaker, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To order your copy of these inspirational books, click here.

by Judy Keating

One of my absolute favorite musicians is David Wilcox. He creates stories in song that move my heart, heal my hurts, and speak truths to me in ways I find hard to describe.  I consider him to be a poet laureate of our time. His song “A Break in the Cup” talks of the crack in the cup that holds love inside us all. And that no one can fill that cup no matter how hard they try.

I know there have been times when I have loved someone and felt their pain so deeply that I desperately wanted to fill them up with all this love I had to give. To make “it” better. With decades of learning I can now see that the “it” I was trying to fix was my own profound pain mirrored in that other person. And that to be in relationship I have to fill my own cup each and every day with love, acceptance, compassion, and humor at my own fallibility.

The tricky part comes when you do not see that those feelings are your unresolved issues knocking hard on your door. So you do what any self-respecting person would do—you blame, shame, or abandon the other person because they made you feel this way.  So they must be wrong. And it is our job to make sure they know it.

There is just one problem—this has nothing at all to do with them. Being in a relationship takes guts, because your own crud surfaces on a regular basis without warning. And yet we are communal beings who crave belonging in a tribe, and we thrive when we are blessed with those who love us, warts and all. 

Inquiry, when we are feeling triggered, is a balm if it is done gently and with compassion. Noticing you’re triggered is a gift. For in that noticing there is a space of non-reaction to the other in the relationship. In that split second of noticing, you begin to step towards being in relationship rather than banishing yourself to that lonely island called “being right.” When you feel a fight coming on, in any relationship, stop. Ask yourself, “In this moment, would I rather be right or in relationship?” The answer is less important than the inquiry itself. Either way, you are at choice in that moment and you are taking the wheel rather than that triggered part of you driving. 

In communication with others, there is a question that will assist you if you decide you want to build relationship. State what you feel, think, and believe about a situation, your significant other, or your feelings, and then say “Tell me where I am wrong.”  Then comes the really hard part—stay quiet.
People will be struck mute for about 30 seconds until they get used to you being willing  to truly let them clarify and refine their response to you. This means when they respond, you listen. See where that clarification gives you information that you previously did not see. Let what they have said sink in. Rinse and repeat. 

Please notice the above sentence does not say “Tell me THAT I am wrong.”  It allows for you to not have a full grasp of what the other person, thinks, feels, believes, or knows. It invites them in. It says Let me understand exactly what you are saying so we can learn and grow closer in this moment. Try it. See what happens.

Judy Keating is a coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. She is a facilitator, guide, energy coach, and public speaker. She calls her suite of services “Energy Inspiration” and is excited to be facilitating the Alchemical Creation Priestess Process beginning in September. For more information visit http://lisa-michaels.com/cmd.php?Clk=5444769. Discover more about Judy on her website at www.innerlifecoaching.net

by Suzanne Baker Hogan

Relationships can be extremely challenging. Why? Because they are prime opportunities for growth. Relationships trigger our ancient wounds so that we can finally heal them. They ask us to stop coping with our pain in limiting ways. They push us to grow so much that we finally love ourselves. 

Of course, when we are hurt in a relationship, it can seem impossible to understand why. We can feel so unjustly treated by someone we let deeply into our lives. Emotions fly, issues surface, and we are thrust into the deep end overnight. The task is to feel what we feel instead of burying it. It is to look within ourselves instead of focusing on being wronged, because we are actually being pushed to grow rapidly. And all the souls involved are guiding the process.

Can you recognize a relationship in your own life that hurt you badly? Looking back, can you see the lesson you learned and how invaluable it was? Sure, it can feel unjust to search within when you’ve been so blatantly hurt, but the purpose is always clear down the road. You were being asked to be true to yourself.

Think about a relationship that ended when you didn’t want it to. This may have felt brutal at the time, but this ending freed you for greater things. You may have fought the process, but it allowed you to have new relationships. Years later, can you see that you were being opened up for more? You would have remained stagnant otherwise.

The other day, I was wounded by someone dear to me. This friend and former employee trespassed on my generosity in a very personal way at a very vulnerable time. She showed a blatant disregard for my needs, repeatedly. It happened in my own home and took me completely by surprise. 

But as this wounding was happening, I maintained awareness of the lesson at hand. I could see that my friend’s soul was in on the lesson too, and I was able to put blame aside. I was being challenged to stop accommodating people at my own expense. I was being pushed to say “Enough!” and to set boundaries in the sacred space where I live. All so that I could become stronger and empowered. From then on, I would be firm and clear about taking care of myself.

Sometimes it takes a shocking situation to finally grow. This pushes us more than our humanness might allow. Relationships aid the process immensely. Even those that might seem negative. Because the people who seem unloving in your life actually emphatically love you—at the soul level. In fact, that is how much we love each other. We are willing to play the roles required to help one another grow. We are teaching each other to say “Enough!” so that we finally love and honor ourselves.  

Suzanne Baker Hogan, spiritual writer and author of SharetheSpiritual.com and Twin Flame Help, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.