by Linda Goodman

My Life:  Everyone has a life that is different from the ‘I’ of daily consciousness, a life that is trying to live through the ‘I’ who is its vessel. This is what the poet knows and what every wisdom tradition teaches: there is a great gulf between the way my ego wants to identify me, with its protective masks and self-serving fictions, and my true self.  It takes time and hard experience to sense the difference between the two—to sense that running beneath the surface of the experience I call my life, there is a deeper and truer life waiting to be acknowledged. ‒ Parker Palmer

Perhaps we’ve worked through countless fears, worries, insecurities, and guilt to find a resonating core that is authentically us.  Deeply ingrained principles are a part of every decision we make.  We may be so courageous in making critical decisions that we have come to recognize courage as our true nature.   We may have found intimacy that is real and authentic in sharing vulnerabilities.  Let’s not forget that our core values may be refined over time due to learning experiences and maturity.

Enjoying employment consistent with the core belief systems and the need for a specific service in society is an ideal.  How we handle the growing pains of learning a new corporate culture as well as a new leadership role takes all our tools and less rigidity without forfeiting the clear sense of self.  Being honest and courageous will accompany a leader forward in learning a new style of management without conflicting with one’s true nature, but there is always a need for discernment.  Even the most authentic person on the planet cannot resist change in this fast-paced, multi-cultural, social media world with a workforce of varying emotional intelligence and backgrounds.

Continue to study leadership behaviors, learn to be agile, and utilize mentors who have had experience to share for specific situations.  Learning when to stay silent in order to achieve the best outcome may be foreign but necessary.

Maintain a support group of peers and other business and social friends away from the workplace, even if there’s a time crunch.  They will assist in reviewing negative feedback and offer suggestions.  

Allow your story to be on the resume, a background upon which to build.  Break out of the comfort mold. Being authentic doesn’t mean transparent.  As a leader you can’t tell others of your concerns and insecurities without causing the workforce to lose confidence.  A leader may utilize new authoritative techniques to change the working climate and implement these appropriately through delegation and communication without changing core values.  Lead with empathy and warmth, while keeping the right balance of maintaining one’s true nature and quiet wisdom

And always be aware of preserving self.  Dr. Phil describes being inauthentic as trying to hold a beach ball underwater.  If that becomes the sensation, or if there’s a feeling of burnout or a misalignment with one’s core values, be true to self and make a change that fits with the authentic self and not the ego.

Seeking Authenticity:
• Am I loving myself as much as others?
• Do I belong and have a connection?
• Do I recognize that no one is insignificant?
• Have changes occurred by chance, due to a crisis or by my conscious decisions?
• Do I have the will to keep my life in the trajectory of my choice?
• What are my core values (the rigid ones and the ones that could use some flexibility)?
• Has part of my persona been molded according to the need to please?
• When I look at people I admire, what are the qualities that are important to me?
• Can I drop blaming and using excuses and remember (and pursue) my dreams?

Linda Goodman, a Mediator, Reiki Master, and Consultant/Coach, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Rebecca Kirson

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a Pollyanna. I imagine and often try to create a world from the “magical realism” going on in my head. A world where I am celebrated for my amazingness and light. A world that operates from a set of agreed upon rules, one of them being “No Masks Allowed.” Why use a façade when the real you is so much more powerful and full of luminescence?  

Apparently not everyone got the memo.  

But not to worry!  I saved a copy especially for you:

Dear Beautiful Soul,
First and foremost, thank you for the amount of courage and bravery that it took for you to agree to this experience.  It’s not for the faint of heart.  Mostly because you will forget who you are. You will, in time, seek answers from the people around you. You will look up to them in ways that you don’t look at yourself. You will seek their company, counsel, and confirmation.  You will cherish them while wishing you were different.  (If you knew how incredible you are, that thought alone would make you shudder.)

I have written you this memo so that you can, at any point in time, stop the madness and realize that the magnificence you see in others is the magnificence that exists inside of you. You cannot recognize in another that which you don’t also possess.  

You are amazing. You are adored. You are the company, counsel, and confirmation that you seek. 

The real issue is that you have forgotten. Maybe it was that time you fell down and bumped your crown. Or that stray ball that thumped you on the noggin. As I said, it takes courage to be here!  The physical doesn’t mess around.  When you fall or get hit . . . it hurts!  Look on the bright side. You’re a stronger you because of it. Where was I?  Oh yes . . . you have forgotten who you are.

You are a magnificent being full of joy and bliss.  If at any reason you are not feeling this, it’s simply because you are not in allowance of your truth!  And, yes, there are a gazillion reasons for why that is—another letter at another time—but trust me when I say . . . all non-truths! 

When you are aligned with the real you—your authenticity—you will feel like a million dollars.  Your perma-smile will be so contagious that others will say “I’ll have what she’s having.”  You will feel an internal river of love flowing through you that you express as an exclamation of “I’m so freaking happy to be alive!!”  You’ll skip from place to place because walking is too passive a mode of transport and the level of vital force energy flowing through you needs an outlet.  You’ll send gigantic love to the babies and animals you pass on the street for they are still very, very connected.  Every Soul, another reflection of the source of life streaming through the all.
   
Oh yes, beautiful Soul.  In your authenticity, you will be invigorated.  

I beg of you with the time you have available to remember and create a spectacular life aligned with your Soul Level essence.  

Connect with who you are!—Universal energy: expanded, awakened, alive, expressing itself as Marvelous, Brilliant YOU.

I leave with a final question.

With this knowing . . . why would you ever want to wear a mask?  

Love, 
Full Face Smile - The All, as you, through you and for you.

by Barbara J Hopkinson

How does the word “authentic” relate to grief?

The same as it does in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself.  

Are you being honest about how you feel after the loss of a loved one? Are you taking good enough care of yourself?  Are you listening to others’ opinions over your own intuition on what’s best for you?  Are you open to new things that might help you heal?  

Are you choosing to heal?  

I’ve lost three children, a 30-year marriage, and the sight in my right eye.  Each time, I had to choose to heal . . . and move on.  Once the process was so bad, I attempted suicide. Not successful, thankfully, but it made me realize that I had a choice to make!  I chose to stay alive and do the work to heal, one day at a time, for myself and for my remaining son.  It was so worth it. My life is happy again and I look forward to each new day and to my future.

Through my nonprofit organizations, I support hundreds of families to find a new normal after the loss of a child or other acute grief.  Sometimes, family members seem to want to stay in the pain, to focus on the loss.  They feel guilty if they start to feel better. Is that what their departed children or loved ones want? Is that what remaining family and friends want?  I don’t think so.  You help those who surround you when you help yourself.  And when we choose to heal, we honor our departed loved ones.

Healing is not easy.  It is not quick.  Recognize that each of our grief journeys is unique.  Give others the space and freedom they deserve to heal in their own way.  Try various approaches, new things.  See what works for you. 

Advice from others may be well-meaning, but don’t let it override what your gut is telling you that you need.  Be open to forgive, including yourself.  Most of us are doing the best we can at the time.

Try to focus on the love you shared and the positive memories. It lightens your energy, allows you to attract better things into your life, and makes it easier for your loved ones to connect with you.  Being well is what they want for us.  They are still with us in spirit.  Sometimes you can feel them if you get enough quiet time and focus on the love between you.  Try it!  Be well.

Barbara J Hopkinson, President and Executive Director of A Butterfly’s Journey, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Terry Crump

"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." - Maya Angelou

We develop palates to savor fine wines and distinguish nuanced flavors in foods, taking pride in our ability to appreciate things of quality.  As consumers of art, designer clothing/accessories, or gemstones we insist that there be some stamp or certificate of authenticity because we are drawn to accumulate unique possessions. Even when beachcombing for shells we assemble only a diverse and unusual array. For us, there’s no denying that originality and authenticity bear high value.

Somehow, when we start to apply the same expectation of authenticity to ourselves, the rules change. Anxiety and worry dominate. The shoulds, oughts, and musts emerge, as does the script of what we can do, of how we can be.  “I can’t do that . . . I don’t want to stand out . . . I’m staying under the radar . . . they’ll think I’m nuts!” Sound familiar? We allow our need for external validation to be paramount to avoid exposing who we really are for fear of rejection, assuming that acceptance dictates that we look and behave like everybody else. Normalcy. The harshest criticisms come from our own minds, rehearsing perfected punitive messages that we have honed over time. While being original, unique, and even flawed may sound moderately appealing in the abstract, we fail to embrace or actualize these concepts in our everyday lives.  One of the life truths that I continue to work through is that it is impossible to portray authenticity without self-acceptance.

Several years ago while on a Caribbean vacation celebrating a big birthday, I was looking for entertainment in my hotel but things were a bit slow that night.  Disappointed but determined to have some fun, my travel mate and I decided to make the evening festive.  Before I knew it, we had managed to invigorate the two-person reggae band and perform with them, started a conga line insisting that other guests in the lobby join in, and assembled a sizable crowd.  The libations were flowing; everyone was having a phenomenal time.  As the evening drew to an end, fellow guests were asking what our plans were on the following day.  We had forged a connection! At various points during the evening, I could hear the typical script in my head that I am an introvert, not one who readily makes friends with strangers, and certainly not one who dances in the middle of a hotel lobby.  I managed to ignore that inner voice.  Guess what, it was one of my more memorable birthday vacations. That effervescent woman who loves life, enjoys music and dancing, and laughs heartily is me, but she has too often been suppressed by ideas about how she appears to others. While I’d like to say that this experience has forever changed my approach to living, I can’t. But I can state that I repeatedly call upon this memory when the “what will people say” script begins to run. Thoughts of this time help with decision making about the version of myself that will “show up” for any given event, making it easier to just be me.  

Here’s why the real you should show up: Authenticity allows for connection to others, fosters self-fulfillment, and engenders joy.  With greater maturity, I’ve invariably realized my preference for wearing a certificate of authenticity proudly rather than looking in the mirror and failing to recognize the woman that’s staring back. It’s so much simpler . . . and lots more fun.

Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

We’ve become wed (or welded) to our computers and electronic devices and beset with the need to interact on social media. If you’re not on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and 20 other sites I know nothing about, you’re living in the dark ages. So you blog and tweet and post pictures of your family, and everything’s great. Right?

Not so much. Every day it gets harder and harder to stand out in the crowd. What makes you different? Why should people care? If you don’t have an email list of 5,000 or 10,000 followers on Twitter, who will see you?  

One way to make people notice is to be authentic. Don’t copy everyone else. Be you. The real you. If you hate chocolate, say so. If you’re surrounded by dog lovers and you prefer cats, say so. If you’re unhappy with your circumstances and want change, say so. The more authentic you are, the easier it will be for people to know and understand you.

Being authentic does come with a warning. When you stand out people may not agree with you. They may dislike you. They may even oppose you. I’m not advocating fighting, belligerence, or even bad manners. You can be polite, and firm, and still be you. Your authentic self. And when you’re really “you” the people around you who disagree will fade away and the people who want more of you will be attracted.

This month the authors of FAITH, Volume II discuss authenticity and how it affects you and the people around you. Come join us. It’s a wonderful, magical, uplifting process. Try it. I dare you. 

Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here.