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Authentically Me

9/8/2015

8 Comments

 
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by Terry Crump

"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." - Maya Angelou

We develop palates to savor fine wines and distinguish nuanced flavors in foods, taking pride in our ability to appreciate things of quality.  As consumers of art, designer clothing/accessories, or gemstones we insist that there be some stamp or certificate of authenticity because we are drawn to accumulate unique possessions. Even when beachcombing for shells we assemble only a diverse and unusual array. For us, there’s no denying that originality and authenticity bear high value.

Somehow, when we start to apply the same expectation of authenticity to ourselves, the rules change. Anxiety and worry dominate. The shoulds, oughts, and musts emerge, as does the script of what we can do, of how we can be.  “I can’t do that . . . I don’t want to stand out . . . I’m staying under the radar . . . they’ll think I’m nuts!” Sound familiar? We allow our need for external validation to be paramount to avoid exposing who we really are for fear of rejection, assuming that acceptance dictates that we look and behave like everybody else. Normalcy. The harshest criticisms come from our own minds, rehearsing perfected punitive messages that we have honed over time. While being original, unique, and even flawed may sound moderately appealing in the abstract, we fail to embrace or actualize these concepts in our everyday lives.  One of the life truths that I continue to work through is that it is impossible to portray authenticity without self-acceptance.

Several years ago while on a Caribbean vacation celebrating a big birthday, I was looking for entertainment in my hotel but things were a bit slow that night.  Disappointed but determined to have some fun, my travel mate and I decided to make the evening festive.  Before I knew it, we had managed to invigorate the two-person reggae band and perform with them, started a conga line insisting that other guests in the lobby join in, and assembled a sizable crowd.  The libations were flowing; everyone was having a phenomenal time.  As the evening drew to an end, fellow guests were asking what our plans were on the following day.  We had forged a connection! At various points during the evening, I could hear the typical script in my head that I am an introvert, not one who readily makes friends with strangers, and certainly not one who dances in the middle of a hotel lobby.  I managed to ignore that inner voice.  Guess what, it was one of my more memorable birthday vacations. That effervescent woman who loves life, enjoys music and dancing, and laughs heartily is me, but she has too often been suppressed by ideas about how she appears to others. While I’d like to say that this experience has forever changed my approach to living, I can’t. But I can state that I repeatedly call upon this memory when the “what will people say” script begins to run. Thoughts of this time help with decision making about the version of myself that will “show up” for any given event, making it easier to just be me.  

Here’s why the real you should show up: Authenticity allows for connection to others, fosters self-fulfillment, and engenders joy.  With greater maturity, I’ve invariably realized my preference for wearing a certificate of authenticity proudly rather than looking in the mirror and failing to recognize the woman that’s staring back. It’s so much simpler . . . and lots more fun.


Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.
8 Comments
Barbara J Hopkinson link
9/9/2015 11:08:17 am

Great insight Terry - thank you! I was blessed with a Dad who didn't care what others thought & taught me to do the same - it's so much easier and fun to be transparent & authentic, nothing to remember about what you said & did - take it or leave it! :-) The older I get, the more I appreciate his wisdom and that trait & how much easier life is, especially after I got past struggling against that in the corporate world, where it's pretty difficult. Love your birthday story!

Reply
Terry
9/9/2015 07:24:14 pm

You were definitely blessed, Barb, to have this message instilled early in life. Glad that I've finally learned this life truth and working on it daily. Thanks for your comment!

Reply
Deidra
9/9/2015 01:31:59 pm

You are such an incredible and inspiring writer. Keep up the gnood work. The world needs to know who you are!

Reply
Terry
9/9/2015 07:24:57 pm

Thanks so much for reading, Deidra! Glad you enjoyed the post.

Reply
Edda link
9/9/2015 08:55:13 pm

I strive to be my most authentic self, but sometimes fall short. Thanks so much for the timely reminder.

Reply
Terry
9/10/2015 06:21:51 am

Thanks for your transparency, Edda. It's great to have or create communities where we encourage each other to be our best selves.

Reply
Ros
9/9/2015 10:31:40 pm

Well that says it all. I'm inspired! The older I get I'm learning to love me. My natural hair, my pear shape, my full lips, and my ASSetts ...you know what I mean! Have to admit I'm still a wall flower. Don't think I be leading the dance, but I will be dancing and taking the plunge! Changing my self talk and making memories! Well said Terry!

Reply
Terry
9/10/2015 06:24:42 am

Thanks, Ros! If you could only see yourself they way that we see (and love) you, you'd strut your stuff and use all of your many talents without reservation;)

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