​Self-care isn’t always about indulging yourself in manicures and late-night movies (although those are really important). Self-care is about doing what’s needed to have the life you want, no matter how difficult it may seem: Speaking up to your best friend or your boss, recycling the clothes you’ll never fit into no matter how many diets you try, asking for professional help so you can resolve your relationship or insomnia or whatever isn’t working. Now, more than ever, is the time for you to take care of you. The stronger and more centered you are, the easier it will be to weather what crops up.
 
Following are ten ways to step up your positive attitude and overall well-being:

1. Say what you mean. Are you afraid to express yourself because you’ll hurt someone’s feelings or your words might be misconstrued? Speaking up is much more than just saying “no.” When you don’t express yourself or stuff your feelings, people don’t have the opportunity to see and know the real you. Being true to yourself not only empowers you, it empowers those around you. So don’t be afraid to speak your truth. When you say what you mean you honor yourself and you give others the chance to know you, the real you, the one they’re longing to know.
2. Take baby steps. Whatever your goal, you don’t have to get there today. Or even tomorrow. Trying to get there too fast can cause stress and frustration and bring up feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “why can’t I be like him/her?” Remember the wise saying, “All good things come to those who wait.” Picture the Buddha and see yourself smiling and patient. Make one new change in your lifestyle and see how that goes. When that’s working well, then add something else. Take baby steps. There’s no hurry.
3. Let go of the past. Isn’t it amazing how hard it is to let go? Those events that transpired eons ago—the raise you didn’t get, the relationship that failed, a family member saying you’ll never amount to anything—can still create feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt. And all that’s doing is ruining your current life. It’s time to let those puppies go. You don’t have to be stuck with that baggage. Coaching, energy healing, therapy, meditation, inner child work, tapping, there are hundreds of methods to help you access those memories and transform them. And when you rewrite the past, you create a brand new present.
4. Connect with Spirit. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God or the Divine or simply an energy that binds us all together. Seeing, understanding, believing, or knowing about that connection serves to calm you. You could be exercising or deep breathing or just looking at a flower, something that transports you out of your typical awareness. When you’re in that “zone,” you feel a deep inner peace that can transcend time and space. Those little moments are like nectar to your body, mind, and soul.
5. Appreciate yourself. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How do you love yourself? Can you count the ways?” Appreciation goes farther than skin deep. It penetrates to the core of your being and radiates beyond. The more you love yourself, the more lovable you become. We all have our flaws and faults, but this is about finding the things you like. Do you love your eyes, the way you support your friends and family, how you find joy in the little things? Start a list of the things you appreciate, at least one per day, and tell yourself how much you love that quality. Before you know it you’ll be in love with YOU.
6. Reward yourself. Are you searching for acknowledgment? Recognition? A little praise? You don’t have to wait for someone else to give it. Give it to yourself! It’s easy to overlook all the little things you do—cleaning the house, exercising, finishing that painting. But all those things matter and create space for the bigger things—an inviting home, a well-toned body, winning first place at the art show. Acknowledge your successes and reward yourself (the reward begins a pattern of self-acknowledgment). Take a bubble bath with lighted candles and soft music. Indulge in that dark chocolate. Buy yourself a new dress. You deserve it!
7. Get up and move. Exercise may be a dreaded word, but the body is designed to move. Exercise improves your mood, increases endorphins, and decreases stress. So get up and move! You don’t have to join a gym. Even little movements can help. Try stretching or ease into yoga or qigong. Walking outdoors is fantastic. Or dust off your stationary bicycle or elliptical machine. If you’re at work and you only have a minute or two, get up from your desk and take a brisk walk around the office. Movement makes the body happy and a happy body means a happier you.
8. Be grateful. Giving thanks is one of the most important aspects of self-care. If you do nothing else, be grateful for who you are and what you have. As in self-appreciation, find something to be thankful for—your job, your friends, your spouse, your health, your house, the food you eat, the ground under your feet. Nothing is too small. Giving thanks creates a beautiful vibration that increases your prosperity and attracts more to be thankful for. [Try the thirty-day experiment in Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout.]
9. Laugh and play. When was the last time you felt like a little kid? Remember playtime? Hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks? Games that made you laugh and squeal with pleasure? Your inner child is still with you, wanting to come out and play. Fun lights up your soul and makes you radiate with joy. So dip your toes into a nearby lake, pull out the croquet set, play some badminton or horseshoes or miniature golf. Get your joy on! You might be surprised how wonderful you feel.
10. Follow your dreams. Now that you’ve revitalized your inner child, take a moment and recapture your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Dreams are fueled by your imagination, and your imagination is endless. If you wanted to be a painter, what about a painting class? If you thought about writing, try an online course or join a writer’s group. If you wanted to be an astronaut, visit a space camp. It’s never too late. Creativity and exploration are like candy to your soul. So let your imagination loose and explore. You’ll feel recharged and restored.

 
There’s no guarantee that life won’t throw you more curve-balls. As we all know, it’s a crazy obstacle course. But if you use some or all of the steps here, you will be a happier, healthier, and more prosperous YOU.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal, ​July 2018]

​Poem by Azizi Blissett 

​breathe In 
breathe Out 
breathe Once 
breathe Twice 
breathe Deep 
breathe Slow 

Surrender to the rhythm 

push Once 
pull Twice 

Surrender to the rhythm 

tense In 
tense Out 

Surrender to the rhythm 

exhale 
inhale 

Surrender to the rhythm 

grip Hard 
grip Tight 

Surrender to the rhythm 

thrust Up 
thrust Down 

Surrender to the rhythm 

move In 
move Out 

press Back 
press Forward 
stand Firm 
stand Still 

Surrender to the rhythm 
open Wide 
close Shut 

Surrender to the rhythm 
Experience the rhythm 
my rhythm 
of letting go

Azizi Blissett, Law of Attraction Life Coach and Founder and Executive Director of zFusion, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Terry Crump

Always say yes to the present moment . . . Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life—and see how life starts suddenly to start working for you rather than against you. –Eckhart Tolle

When I reflect on this concept of surrender, a number of images and phrases come to mind. What emerges is a visualization of people standing in a place of worship, singing with fervor, “I surrender all,” or hearing the hook to a neosoul artist, “Surrender to love, ’cause love is the only way.” I even have flashes of some individual being arrested by the police, with their hands up in the “universal” signal of surrender.  These depictions, however, never connote peace or anything remotely appealing to me. Perhaps it’s because surrender is a place that’s all too familiar.  Digging deeper, I must acknowledge that the need for surrender has frequently disrupted my world, creating loss, precipitating the onslaught of tears, inciting the rise of anger, and an overwhelming desire to scream because once again a goal or dream has been shattered. Things suddenly went left.  

Here are the aspects of surrendering that personally create the most dissonance:
•   The expectation is that I must relinquish control rather than fighting against some typically undesirable outcome.  
•   I’ve constructed a picture of how things are “supposed to be” which is now a mismatch with how they are. This is not what my visualization looked like.
•   There’s a tension between assuming a defeatist stance (i.e., surrendering) versus accepting that things are unfolding in a manner that differs from my expectations.
•   I am not a quitter!
•   I’m really being driven by the fear that my needs will not be met.  Therefore, I must fight harder!
•   I’m being asked to trust and believe that there is some greater good that will come of this, and I just don’t know if I can do that.

There is a nuanced dance wherein we are effective agents of change who persist in actions to chart our own life course, but we also have wisdom in recognizing when surrender is what’s indicated.  To facilitate such recognition, we must reign in the ego, especially those notions that we are always in control.
Surrender requires great strength, though it may appear that we have succumbed to failure. 

I’ve wondered why and how the term “sweet surrender” came to exist when we more often associate this concept with a bitter taste. The term “sweet surrender” is typically used to refer to sudden, unexpected, but pleasant changes, often in the specific context of love. But can it be generalized to other areas of our lives? 

We can’t experience “sweetness” until we identify the need to relinquish control. Bitterness and resentment appear only when we insist on holding on to old ideas that no longer serve us or our reality.

​Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

by Barbara J Hopkinson

How can I heal after loss? Will I ever find a new normal without that special person in my life? Can I be well again?

Healing and wellness is often a choice. That may sound callous, and we need time to “lick our wounds” and find methods that work uniquely for us in our grief. But over time, we can choose to remain in our pain or we can choose to actively work on healing. No one said it was easy, fast, or fun, but it is possible. And once you make up your mind to heal, you start feeling progressively better and on your way to YOUR new normal.

What are some things you can do to start to heal after a big loss?  
• Focus on the positive memories of that person, rather than the pain caused by the loss. Display happy photos, tell funny stories of them.
• Exercise — take walks in nature or set a goal to work towards, like a race. Exercise produces chemicals in your brain that help you feel better.
• Nutrition — eat well. Get more green vegetables (natural stress relief), eat less sugar, drink more water (half your weight daily in ounces) and less alcohol (which is a depressant). 
• Practice deep breathing or meditation to calm your nervous system and relieve stress. This can also help you sleep better.
• Journal — write out your feelings: the good, the bad and the ugly. No one ever has to see what you wrote. Burn it if you like, but it’s very cathartic, and you may be surprised at what comes out.
• Get support — find a support group, a therapist, or talk with friends and family. We all need to talk it out. You may want to advise them before you start that they don’t need to “fix” you, just listen. Avoid negativity.

Most importantly, expect to heal and be patient. Take good care of yourself—even be a little selfish while you heal. You will be of much more benefit to others if you are taking care of you.

Life is tough on us sometimes, but we are all in it together. Reach out, be open to trying new things—like energy healing modalities. Find what you are most comfortable with to help you heal in your unique grief. No one else knows how you truly feel or what’s best for you . . . except you.

I found my new normal after a long journey following the trauma of losing multiple children and a long-term marriage. It can be done. Trust that and START. I’m happy to support you finding your NEW NORMAL. Be well.

By Corinna Murray

“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will hold on to.” – Lao Tzu

What I wish I believed when I was young, innocent, and naïve, was that there are no mistakes, only opportunities to discover new experiences and to learn from them. As a curious baby, I came into this world knowing this truth, that there are no mistakes, exploring the world through sensation and the eyes of wonder. We all did, but most of us grew up forgetting this truth, taking on the beliefs of the world and the people we lived with. We took on their definitions and their labels of good and bad, right and wrong, worthy and unworthy, and processed these through our emotions at first, identifying with the labels by how they made us feel. How we felt about ourselves and the world we lived in then became defined by our thoughts that were shaped by this outer world. We in turn tried to control this unpredictable world around us in order to “feel good” or “better.” We often succeeded in controlling things but more often than not, we didn’t. How could we? It is simply not possible to do so consistently but we labeled it anyway, as a mistake, or even worse, failure.

For many of us it takes a lifetime of examination, or for some, a crisis, to relearn this simple truth, that there are no mistakes. Everything in nature is nature and of natural consequence. Once we let go of needing things to be different in order to feel good, we can enter the present moment, experiencing it once again through sensation and the eyes of wonder. We can take on the freshness of the experience and script a new story, open to the possibilities and with a sense of adventure. When we let go and surrender to the wisdom in uncertainty, we find freedom from our past limitations and beliefs.

Consider taking time today to explore the thoughts, feelings, and sensations connected to your experience of letting go. As you go through the day, practice the fine art of detachment and let life flow. Allow yourself to shift your approach, to perhaps take a different route on your walk or drive, or perhaps simply make the choice to be calm when you might not otherwise. Notice what it feels like when you let go.

by Azizi Blissett

Fear. It grips us in ways unimaginable. Recently, my position as a Marketing Manager at an IT marketing company was eliminated. The company’s revenue decreased by over $1M in 2014 which forced the owners to cut expenses to sustain the business. I had a fleeting moment of fear that seeped in, then my mind began to imagine the possibilities of the future. 

In 2007, I started two businesses, a for-profit LLC and a non-profit entity for which I eventually secured 501©3 federal tax-exempt status. I managed to operate both businesses with a relative level of success for a few years. However, the financial and emotional setbacks I had experienced after a challenging divorce, coupled with a record-breaking Great Recession, forced me to make some tough choices. As a result, I decided to seek full-time employment with a company that could use my skills and business acumen. When I accepted the position at the IT marketing company, I remember making a promise to myself that I would not abandon my dreams of entrepreneurship. I committed in my heart that a dream deferred would not be a dream denied. In almost 4 years, I was able to reposition not only my financial well-being but also my overall value and self-worth.

I grew accustomed to shifting my energy from full-time work during the day to coaching clients in the evening, participating in teleseminars toward my coaching certification, directing and producing a TV docu-series, to writing an inspirational chapter about my life story in a collaborative book due out April 23rd. There were also times where I would facilitate workshops through my nonprofit then shift my attention to work with web designers to rebrand both my LLC and nonprofit websites. Whew! It’s unbelievable how much I was managing.

I felt a sense of relief on my last day of work. At the start of the new week, I began to move on. Then suddenly things felt different and the fear came back, but on a deeper level. Somehow I allowed my mind to believe that I couldn’t succeed and that I would end up homeless–which I am far from. On a whim, a recruiter reached out to me on LinkedIn to interview for the exact same position I’d held at my last company, but with a new company and with more pay. I accepted the interview and both sides agreed it was a good fit. I was told that I would hear something within the next couple of days. After a few days, I reached back out to the recruiter and learned that even though the company thought I was a good fit, they decided to pass on bringing me onboard. 

I had a much-needed emotional meltdown. I decided to allow myself to feel the fear and whatever other emotions that surfaced. I realized that I truly didn’t want the position. I only wanted the security of not being homeless. I saw it for what it was. Fear. Nothing more. Nothing less. Then I gave myself permission to release the fear and resistance and move on.

Now I am living in a space of allowing and trusting in the possibilities of all that is to come. I am very clear about the future I want to create for myself. And I am fully capable of doing so. I learned that what we focus on expands, as the Law of Attraction reminds us. I decided to shift my perspective from what I didn’t want to what I did want to create for my life. Now I am choosing to focus on all that I have accomplished along the way and where it might lead me.

I share my experience as an inspiration to you. Remember, you get to choose the life you want to create each moment along your journey. Will you live in fear? Or will you live in the possibilities? Your freedom is in the possibilities as you find the courage to embrace the unknown and create your future.

by Judy Keating

I came home with a bad virus from out of the country and the phrase LET IT GO took on a whole new level of make it stop.

Between groans and wishes for a tranquilizer gun, it got me to pondering about letting go. Our incredible human bodies know how to let go. We shed skin, lose hair, our weight fluctuates, we lose consciousness in slumber on a routine basis, if we are blessed. All without us having to “get a grip,” “make a plan,”  or “worry” if the next breath will hit our lungs before we pass out. We don’t have to think about our body letting go of what needs to go. Our being unaware of the entire process is part of what makes it brilliant.

Allegedly, spring is coming. Yes, on March 20, 2015, spring is officially the season. With  snowmaggeden, freezing temperatures, and black ice, it is hard to imagine anything will be warm again. So how do I know this? Because nature is another miracle that, despite man’s interference, runs on a very predictable time table. Her own. I do not believe that the bulbs in the ground are complaining about the weather. We are not so lucky. We are aware of the weather, traffic, rude customer service people, and a myriad of things that bother us. IF WE LET THEM.

There is a vast difference between recognizing that something is occurring and editorializing about it in our heads where our negative emotions get nice and stirred and we do not want to let go. I was complaining loudly to anyone who would listen that I did not feel well. I was chastising my body loudly and clearly for all the pain and suffering, when more than anything it needed kindness, compassion, and time to right itself. 

So in the spirit of spring and the ritual cleaning that most people feel the urge to do, let’s open the windows of our inner sanctum and notice the things we repeat to ourselves: “I hate_____.” “So and so ALWAYS ______.” “They NEVER______.”  These declarative statements that run on autopilot direct our emotional traffic without us driving. Being certain is a dicey proposition, because what if our holding on to the way we KNOW things to be blocks us from a new perspective that would improve our lives beyond measure?

Notice what you say to yourself. REALLY listen to what you say all the time. Does your inner dialogue create possibility, loving relationships, and growth?  If not, know that your being aware, just noticing what was previously uncensored, will make a profound shift in your perspective. If you are observing what you think, you can decide to change your mind. The ultimate in letting go.

by Rebecca Kirson 

Our nature as human beings is often in opposition to the surrendering and release associated with letting go. Logically we may understand it but our hearts long to hold onto the things that mean so much to us. The families that we have sacrificed parts of ourselves to create, the careers that we have devoted so much of our precious time to building year after year, the relationships that we’ve poured our hearts and souls into. How can we simply walk away when that chapter ends and a new one begins?  

Because the ownership of any and all things is just an illusion.

How can anything be fixed in time as “ours” when all of eternity is a dance of continual movement, a flowing of energies connecting all that is? Our desire to cement experiences into stone only sets us up for disappointment because it goes against the laws of nature.  A tree doesn’t decide to stop growing at 3 feet because it’s so enamored with that view.  A wave doesn’t set up camp at the top of the crest, cutting off its experience before it heads into the descent.  All of life is unfolding in perpetual movement . . . forward. 
 
As Kahlil Gibran says in The Prophet:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. 

And how else can it be? 

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
 
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? 

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. 
 
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. 

Our time as a spiritual being having a human experience is meant to expose us to many different ways of being.  Our soul craves knowing itself in all possibility.  When we limit what we can receive because we are afraid to let go of what use to be, we stifle ourselves and the opportunities that are all around us waiting to be let in.  

Choose today to see letting go as a viable part of the equation of life as each new beginning is. 

Rebecca Kirson, Akashic Record Practitioner and Transformational Coach with Your Sacred Truth, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To pre-order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Barbara J. Hopkinson

This is the Valentine month, so what better topic than one about loving yourself? Not in a selfish, narcissistic way, but in favor of self-care.  

Self-care is especially important in grief recovery and that is one area where it is often ignored. When we are grieving, we are in pain and not motivated to take care of ourselves.  Often we are worried about others in the family and their grief, so we focus on them. But what we may forget is that we will be of much more value to those around us if we take care of ourselves.  

Grief can be like an illness—our bodies and minds are in shock, not operating at full capacity; we feel sluggish.  If we were ill, we’d probably get bed rest, see a doctor, eat well, drink fluids, and maybe take prescription or holistic remedies.  Grief needs tender self-care as well.  Rest, good nutrition, and doing things to help reduce stress are useful. Activities such as exercise, deep breathing, and journaling help.  Be a little self-indulgent and get a facial or massage, take time to walk in nature and reflect.  Talk to those in your support system.  Talk to your loved one, write to him or her, see what your intuition tells you—do you feel a response?  You may also want to explore energy-based and spiritual practices such as yoga, meditation, and many of the energy healing modalities.  If you haven’t tried these before, keep an open mind. You might be surprised how much they can help.   

My grief sent me on a journey.  It was difficult but it made me much stronger and it helped me to get more in touch with my intuition—both are benefits.  I tried all kinds of things, many for the first time—therapy, meditation, yoga, energy healing, reflexology, polarity, shamanic massage, spiritual development retreats, visits to referred mediums and psychics, and more.  But I also forced myself not to totally bury myself in work. I knew that was just delaying the inevitable.  I made myself take quiet time and walk in nature, especially on the beach—a favorite for me.  

One of the most important things, when I was ready, was to reach out and help others. Helping is very healing and another form of self-care — while we are caring for others.  It works!

May you always remember to be GOOD to YOU!         

Barbara J. Hopkinson, Grief Mentor, Author, and Speaker with A Butterfly’s Journey, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To pre-order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Maureen Roe

Generally when we think of love we think of romantic love and the faces of our loved ones. Seldom in that delicious reverie do we include ourselves.  Why, you ask?  It is from not knowing how to love ourselves that we tend to just skip that part and pretend we do.   

If you were to go down the list of ways to love yourself you may find the following:

• Take time to do things you enjoy
• Engage in activities that use your talents and gifts
• Reward yourself
• Spend time in the company of those you feel good around
• Learn something new so that you can feel accomplished
• Do something nice for others

While this is not an exhaustive list, it will help you feel good and even warm and fuzzy about yourself. However, the list seems to lack what most “love-yourself”  instructions do and that is how we talk to ourselves. Imagine you are doing things you enjoy from the list above and you run into someone who constantly makes you feel inadequate.  Suddenly, you are into the most negative tirade of self-talk you can muster.

One of the most uplifting activities you can do to raise your spirit from the ashes of verbal self-flagellation and find peace within is to stop self-judgment and self-criticism.  When you criticize or judge, you create a greater sense of unworthiness and insecurity.  If you are committed to feeling good about yourself, first you must feel “good enough” inside.

Here’s a quick exercise you can use to create a judgment-free zone within your head.

• Step 1:   Become aware of when you use judging and criticizing self-talk.

• Step 2:   Once you are aware you can stop and/or re-phrase with a positive statement before you start. The statement may not sound true in the beginning, but after continued use you'll be amazed at the results.

Loving yourself in this manner will add a greater sense of joy, security, and peace to your spirit.  

What will achieving a greater sense of self-love look like for you?

Maureen Roe is a Self-Expression Coach, Registered Corporate Coach, Metaphysical Minister, Ageless Grace Educator, speaker, and co-author of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To pre-order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.