​Self-care isn’t always about indulging yourself in manicures and late-night movies (although those are really important). Self-care is about doing what’s needed to have the life you want, no matter how difficult it may seem: Speaking up to your best friend or your boss, recycling the clothes you’ll never fit into no matter how many diets you try, asking for professional help so you can resolve your relationship or insomnia or whatever isn’t working. Now, more than ever, is the time for you to take care of you. The stronger and more centered you are, the easier it will be to weather what crops up.
 
Following are ten ways to step up your positive attitude and overall well-being:

1. Say what you mean. Are you afraid to express yourself because you’ll hurt someone’s feelings or your words might be misconstrued? Speaking up is much more than just saying “no.” When you don’t express yourself or stuff your feelings, people don’t have the opportunity to see and know the real you. Being true to yourself not only empowers you, it empowers those around you. So don’t be afraid to speak your truth. When you say what you mean you honor yourself and you give others the chance to know you, the real you, the one they’re longing to know.
2. Take baby steps. Whatever your goal, you don’t have to get there today. Or even tomorrow. Trying to get there too fast can cause stress and frustration and bring up feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “why can’t I be like him/her?” Remember the wise saying, “All good things come to those who wait.” Picture the Buddha and see yourself smiling and patient. Make one new change in your lifestyle and see how that goes. When that’s working well, then add something else. Take baby steps. There’s no hurry.
3. Let go of the past. Isn’t it amazing how hard it is to let go? Those events that transpired eons ago—the raise you didn’t get, the relationship that failed, a family member saying you’ll never amount to anything—can still create feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt. And all that’s doing is ruining your current life. It’s time to let those puppies go. You don’t have to be stuck with that baggage. Coaching, energy healing, therapy, meditation, inner child work, tapping, there are hundreds of methods to help you access those memories and transform them. And when you rewrite the past, you create a brand new present.
4. Connect with Spirit. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God or the Divine or simply an energy that binds us all together. Seeing, understanding, believing, or knowing about that connection serves to calm you. You could be exercising or deep breathing or just looking at a flower, something that transports you out of your typical awareness. When you’re in that “zone,” you feel a deep inner peace that can transcend time and space. Those little moments are like nectar to your body, mind, and soul.
5. Appreciate yourself. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How do you love yourself? Can you count the ways?” Appreciation goes farther than skin deep. It penetrates to the core of your being and radiates beyond. The more you love yourself, the more lovable you become. We all have our flaws and faults, but this is about finding the things you like. Do you love your eyes, the way you support your friends and family, how you find joy in the little things? Start a list of the things you appreciate, at least one per day, and tell yourself how much you love that quality. Before you know it you’ll be in love with YOU.
6. Reward yourself. Are you searching for acknowledgment? Recognition? A little praise? You don’t have to wait for someone else to give it. Give it to yourself! It’s easy to overlook all the little things you do—cleaning the house, exercising, finishing that painting. But all those things matter and create space for the bigger things—an inviting home, a well-toned body, winning first place at the art show. Acknowledge your successes and reward yourself (the reward begins a pattern of self-acknowledgment). Take a bubble bath with lighted candles and soft music. Indulge in that dark chocolate. Buy yourself a new dress. You deserve it!
7. Get up and move. Exercise may be a dreaded word, but the body is designed to move. Exercise improves your mood, increases endorphins, and decreases stress. So get up and move! You don’t have to join a gym. Even little movements can help. Try stretching or ease into yoga or qigong. Walking outdoors is fantastic. Or dust off your stationary bicycle or elliptical machine. If you’re at work and you only have a minute or two, get up from your desk and take a brisk walk around the office. Movement makes the body happy and a happy body means a happier you.
8. Be grateful. Giving thanks is one of the most important aspects of self-care. If you do nothing else, be grateful for who you are and what you have. As in self-appreciation, find something to be thankful for—your job, your friends, your spouse, your health, your house, the food you eat, the ground under your feet. Nothing is too small. Giving thanks creates a beautiful vibration that increases your prosperity and attracts more to be thankful for. [Try the thirty-day experiment in Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout.]
9. Laugh and play. When was the last time you felt like a little kid? Remember playtime? Hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks? Games that made you laugh and squeal with pleasure? Your inner child is still with you, wanting to come out and play. Fun lights up your soul and makes you radiate with joy. So dip your toes into a nearby lake, pull out the croquet set, play some badminton or horseshoes or miniature golf. Get your joy on! You might be surprised how wonderful you feel.
10. Follow your dreams. Now that you’ve revitalized your inner child, take a moment and recapture your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Dreams are fueled by your imagination, and your imagination is endless. If you wanted to be a painter, what about a painting class? If you thought about writing, try an online course or join a writer’s group. If you wanted to be an astronaut, visit a space camp. It’s never too late. Creativity and exploration are like candy to your soul. So let your imagination loose and explore. You’ll feel recharged and restored.

 
There’s no guarantee that life won’t throw you more curve-balls. As we all know, it’s a crazy obstacle course. But if you use some or all of the steps here, you will be a happier, healthier, and more prosperous YOU.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal, ​July 2018]

In the beginning there was only Love and Love settled upon the Earth and held it in its stillness, until all upon the Earth breathed in and out in unison. Now we’re in the twenty-first century where we race for the cheapest places to shop, the fastest route from point A to point B, and the easiest way to get things done. Technology is no longer the playground of advanced science but the common ground for our current lifestyle of electronics, hybrid cars, fast food, and much more. We are connected via phones and computers but disconnected from each other.
 
We have forgotten the concept of universal energy, proved to a more modern world by Albert Einstein with his famous equation about relativity. But centuries before Einstein there were cultures around the world that understood the energy that permeates every living thing—Japanese (Ki), Chinese (Chi), Sanskrit (Prana), Lakota Sioux (Neyatoneyah), Hebrew (Ruach or Roohah), Tibetan (Lung), and so forth.
 
Not only does the familiar phrase “we are all energy” hold true, but that energy that flows through us, between us, among us, and around us, binds us to every other living thing. At the heart of it all is a oneness, a connectedness not just to other humans, but to plants and trees, birds, animals, insects, the oceans, even the very ground we stand on. When you go outside and sink your feet into the grass in your front yard, you send an energy signal to Mother Earth to feel your vibrations, to open a channel of connectivity, to harmonize with your energy. If, at the moment of connecting, you’re feeling happy or joyful or grateful, you bless the earth with positivity. If you’re feeling angry, anxious, or sad, then you imbue those feelings into the ground.
 
Everything we do, think, and feel becomes part of the fabric of our environment, the people around us, the community we live in, and so on. The butterfly effect, whose name was coined by meteorologist Edward Lorenz, shows how the smallest of actions—the flapping of a butterfly’s wings—can cause major upheaval in another location and time. The first precept of Buddhism states, “I undertake the training to avoid taking the life of beings.” The word being applies to all living things, not just humans. Pesky mosquitoes, rodents that carry diseases, unwanted plants and trees are all part of that edict. We’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s okay to kill or remove or get rid of these beings as part of daily life because everyone else does the same. But as we awaken, as consciousness raises, as the collective becomes more enlightened, perhaps it’s time to change our habits and embrace more loving selves.
 
North Georgian Tom Blue Wolf talks about “all our relations,” the thread of life, of energy that connects all living things. We experience this life in the early morning birdsong, the running of sap through an old growth tree, the rush of clear spring water in a stream near a garden, the majestic wonder of a deer standing in silent salute. These pieces of life ask nothing from us and exist without our doing, yet how much more significant might they be if we looked on them with more consciousness?
           
 
There’s a profound grace that comes with the attentiveness of being more conscious. Through the awareness of the breath, the simple act of noticing the inhale and exhale, we can begin to experience that deeper connection, that quiet that resounds with energy, that relation to all things. Even one moment is beneficial and carries tremendous importance. Imagine everyone, everywhere, doing the same thing, being in that space of awareness.
           
What would happen if we were all to breathe as one?

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal​, September 2017]

by Barbara J Hopkinson

How does the word “authentic” relate to grief?

The same as it does in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself.  

Are you being honest about how you feel after the loss of a loved one? Are you taking good enough care of yourself?  Are you listening to others’ opinions over your own intuition on what’s best for you?  Are you open to new things that might help you heal?  

Are you choosing to heal?  

I’ve lost three children, a 30-year marriage, and the sight in my right eye.  Each time, I had to choose to heal . . . and move on.  Once the process was so bad, I attempted suicide. Not successful, thankfully, but it made me realize that I had a choice to make!  I chose to stay alive and do the work to heal, one day at a time, for myself and for my remaining son.  It was so worth it. My life is happy again and I look forward to each new day and to my future.

Through my nonprofit organizations, I support hundreds of families to find a new normal after the loss of a child or other acute grief.  Sometimes, family members seem to want to stay in the pain, to focus on the loss.  They feel guilty if they start to feel better. Is that what their departed children or loved ones want? Is that what remaining family and friends want?  I don’t think so.  You help those who surround you when you help yourself.  And when we choose to heal, we honor our departed loved ones.

Healing is not easy.  It is not quick.  Recognize that each of our grief journeys is unique.  Give others the space and freedom they deserve to heal in their own way.  Try various approaches, new things.  See what works for you. 

Advice from others may be well-meaning, but don’t let it override what your gut is telling you that you need.  Be open to forgive, including yourself.  Most of us are doing the best we can at the time.

Try to focus on the love you shared and the positive memories. It lightens your energy, allows you to attract better things into your life, and makes it easier for your loved ones to connect with you.  Being well is what they want for us.  They are still with us in spirit.  Sometimes you can feel them if you get enough quiet time and focus on the love between you.  Try it!  Be well.

Barbara J Hopkinson, President and Executive Director of A Butterfly’s Journey, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of this inspirational book, click here.

by Barbara J Hopkinson

How can I heal after loss? Will I ever find a new normal without that special person in my life? Can I be well again?

Healing and wellness is often a choice. That may sound callous, and we need time to “lick our wounds” and find methods that work uniquely for us in our grief. But over time, we can choose to remain in our pain or we can choose to actively work on healing. No one said it was easy, fast, or fun, but it is possible. And once you make up your mind to heal, you start feeling progressively better and on your way to YOUR new normal.

What are some things you can do to start to heal after a big loss?  
• Focus on the positive memories of that person, rather than the pain caused by the loss. Display happy photos, tell funny stories of them.
• Exercise — take walks in nature or set a goal to work towards, like a race. Exercise produces chemicals in your brain that help you feel better.
• Nutrition — eat well. Get more green vegetables (natural stress relief), eat less sugar, drink more water (half your weight daily in ounces) and less alcohol (which is a depressant). 
• Practice deep breathing or meditation to calm your nervous system and relieve stress. This can also help you sleep better.
• Journal — write out your feelings: the good, the bad and the ugly. No one ever has to see what you wrote. Burn it if you like, but it’s very cathartic, and you may be surprised at what comes out.
• Get support — find a support group, a therapist, or talk with friends and family. We all need to talk it out. You may want to advise them before you start that they don’t need to “fix” you, just listen. Avoid negativity.

Most importantly, expect to heal and be patient. Take good care of yourself—even be a little selfish while you heal. You will be of much more benefit to others if you are taking care of you.

Life is tough on us sometimes, but we are all in it together. Reach out, be open to trying new things—like energy healing modalities. Find what you are most comfortable with to help you heal in your unique grief. No one else knows how you truly feel or what’s best for you . . . except you.

I found my new normal after a long journey following the trauma of losing multiple children and a long-term marriage. It can be done. Trust that and START. I’m happy to support you finding your NEW NORMAL. Be well.

by Azizi Blissett 

I love the artistic side of me.  It allows me to let go, play, and have fun. It is a spiritual and freeing experience. It feels great to just be and let my creative juices flow. And when I am done, I find that there is always a message that Spirit gives back to me. A reminder and inspiration to experience all that my heart desires. Through art, I have learned that my healing begins with my imagination. It is the bridge that opens the doorway to all possibilities. Art heals my soul and gives new meaning to my life. 

by Corinna Murray

"Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart." Native American Proverb

What captivates you and lights you up more than anything else? What compels you, excites you, and feels effortless in your experiencing of it? 

Trust your first thoughts. Listen with your heart. These are your guides that reveal your true passions and desires. These are your sign posts that ultimately lead you to your gifts and your life’s purpose.

When we honor the compelling nature of our heartfelt desires, we connect with our destiny in that very moment. This is bliss. Just as children live in the moment with passion, they effortlessly experience life from a state of wonder, playfulness, creativity, and delight. It is contagious and invigorating. These states are also powerfully healing and our most healthy states of being. Not only do our bodies function optimally, so do our minds. When we live in these states where we experience joy, not only do we in turn gift that Joy back to the world and others but we are a conduit for cultivating the best of ourselves and living our purpose.

But, oh . . .

Many of us abandoned our true nature and passions as we grew into adulthood. Many of us were taught that “childish behavior” was somehow bad, that life was serious and hard. Struggle became a virtue for many and a way of life for most. We disconnected from our passions and desires, often with judgment that our passions and desires were somehow inherently foolish, selfish, or frivolous. Our health suffered as did many of our relationships. Unconscious choices often led to self-medicating with addictive behaviors and patterns of coping.

Ouch, but quite true for many of us. With compassion for yourself and others, keep in mind how difficult it can be to arrive at a destination if you don’t know what it is or where you are going. This is especially true for your life’s journey and realizing your purpose, your bliss. To realize your deepest desires and therefore your purpose, notice what brings you joy, what feels good and right and wonderful to you. By following this guidance, with focused intention, you create your life, expanding your understanding of yourself, and you open to the expansive life you are meant to live . . . your destiny.

Set aside some time today to do something you thoroughly enjoy. It can be anything . . . a walk with your dog, reading a good book, or creating a delicious meal. Do it purely for the joy it brings you. When you lie in bed tonight, revisit these moments in your mind, considering why this activity felt good to you or brought you joy. Set your intention to wake the next day in this same state and notice what unfolds.