​Self-care isn’t always about indulging yourself in manicures and late-night movies (although those are really important). Self-care is about doing what’s needed to have the life you want, no matter how difficult it may seem: Speaking up to your best friend or your boss, recycling the clothes you’ll never fit into no matter how many diets you try, asking for professional help so you can resolve your relationship or insomnia or whatever isn’t working. Now, more than ever, is the time for you to take care of you. The stronger and more centered you are, the easier it will be to weather what crops up.
 
Following are ten ways to step up your positive attitude and overall well-being:

1. Say what you mean. Are you afraid to express yourself because you’ll hurt someone’s feelings or your words might be misconstrued? Speaking up is much more than just saying “no.” When you don’t express yourself or stuff your feelings, people don’t have the opportunity to see and know the real you. Being true to yourself not only empowers you, it empowers those around you. So don’t be afraid to speak your truth. When you say what you mean you honor yourself and you give others the chance to know you, the real you, the one they’re longing to know.
2. Take baby steps. Whatever your goal, you don’t have to get there today. Or even tomorrow. Trying to get there too fast can cause stress and frustration and bring up feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “why can’t I be like him/her?” Remember the wise saying, “All good things come to those who wait.” Picture the Buddha and see yourself smiling and patient. Make one new change in your lifestyle and see how that goes. When that’s working well, then add something else. Take baby steps. There’s no hurry.
3. Let go of the past. Isn’t it amazing how hard it is to let go? Those events that transpired eons ago—the raise you didn’t get, the relationship that failed, a family member saying you’ll never amount to anything—can still create feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt. And all that’s doing is ruining your current life. It’s time to let those puppies go. You don’t have to be stuck with that baggage. Coaching, energy healing, therapy, meditation, inner child work, tapping, there are hundreds of methods to help you access those memories and transform them. And when you rewrite the past, you create a brand new present.
4. Connect with Spirit. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in God or the Divine or simply an energy that binds us all together. Seeing, understanding, believing, or knowing about that connection serves to calm you. You could be exercising or deep breathing or just looking at a flower, something that transports you out of your typical awareness. When you’re in that “zone,” you feel a deep inner peace that can transcend time and space. Those little moments are like nectar to your body, mind, and soul.
5. Appreciate yourself. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How do you love yourself? Can you count the ways?” Appreciation goes farther than skin deep. It penetrates to the core of your being and radiates beyond. The more you love yourself, the more lovable you become. We all have our flaws and faults, but this is about finding the things you like. Do you love your eyes, the way you support your friends and family, how you find joy in the little things? Start a list of the things you appreciate, at least one per day, and tell yourself how much you love that quality. Before you know it you’ll be in love with YOU.
6. Reward yourself. Are you searching for acknowledgment? Recognition? A little praise? You don’t have to wait for someone else to give it. Give it to yourself! It’s easy to overlook all the little things you do—cleaning the house, exercising, finishing that painting. But all those things matter and create space for the bigger things—an inviting home, a well-toned body, winning first place at the art show. Acknowledge your successes and reward yourself (the reward begins a pattern of self-acknowledgment). Take a bubble bath with lighted candles and soft music. Indulge in that dark chocolate. Buy yourself a new dress. You deserve it!
7. Get up and move. Exercise may be a dreaded word, but the body is designed to move. Exercise improves your mood, increases endorphins, and decreases stress. So get up and move! You don’t have to join a gym. Even little movements can help. Try stretching or ease into yoga or qigong. Walking outdoors is fantastic. Or dust off your stationary bicycle or elliptical machine. If you’re at work and you only have a minute or two, get up from your desk and take a brisk walk around the office. Movement makes the body happy and a happy body means a happier you.
8. Be grateful. Giving thanks is one of the most important aspects of self-care. If you do nothing else, be grateful for who you are and what you have. As in self-appreciation, find something to be thankful for—your job, your friends, your spouse, your health, your house, the food you eat, the ground under your feet. Nothing is too small. Giving thanks creates a beautiful vibration that increases your prosperity and attracts more to be thankful for. [Try the thirty-day experiment in Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout.]
9. Laugh and play. When was the last time you felt like a little kid? Remember playtime? Hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks? Games that made you laugh and squeal with pleasure? Your inner child is still with you, wanting to come out and play. Fun lights up your soul and makes you radiate with joy. So dip your toes into a nearby lake, pull out the croquet set, play some badminton or horseshoes or miniature golf. Get your joy on! You might be surprised how wonderful you feel.
10. Follow your dreams. Now that you’ve revitalized your inner child, take a moment and recapture your dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Dreams are fueled by your imagination, and your imagination is endless. If you wanted to be a painter, what about a painting class? If you thought about writing, try an online course or join a writer’s group. If you wanted to be an astronaut, visit a space camp. It’s never too late. Creativity and exploration are like candy to your soul. So let your imagination loose and explore. You’ll feel recharged and restored.

 
There’s no guarantee that life won’t throw you more curve-balls. As we all know, it’s a crazy obstacle course. But if you use some or all of the steps here, you will be a happier, healthier, and more prosperous YOU.

[Originally published in the Conscious Life Journal, ​July 2018]

​There are millions of self-help books written about success and how to achieve it. Jack Canfield wrote The Success Principles. Steven Covey wrote The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. There’s The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, How Successful People Think by John C. Maxwell, and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, to name a few. And every year more books are written. You’d think we haven’t figured it out.

I’ve read numerous self-help books on both personal and business success and still haven’t achieved the level that makes me feel accomplished. And many others are in the same place. Do you know why? The answer, for me, is that I wasn’t sure what I wanted.
 
People who get what they want have clear, measurable goals. Rather than saying, “I want to be rich,” they say, “I want to make $100K this year.” Rich is a vague concept. $100K is a measurable amount. If you make $99,999 you haven’t reached your goal.

​When I think about money, especially in terms of my business, I’m often unclear. I usually can’t make up my mind how much I want—$50K, $75K, $100K, or more. When I get into the larger numbers my conscious mind balks. “That’s too much,” it says, meaning it doesn’t think I can do it. But if I set my goal too low, then there’s a big piece of me that wants more.
 
So the first step in having what you want is to be clear about your goal.
 
This year I started reading The Path to Wealth: Seven Spiritual Steps to Financial Abundance by May McCarthy. The first thing that excited me about this book is that the 7 steps are listed in the Table of Contents. How easy is that? Then in the first chapter she gives you an overview of those steps and how you’re supposed to work with them each day. It couldn’t be simpler. The remainder of the book goes into more detail about each of the steps and offers additional help on reaching your goals. 
​

A huge portion of my spiritual growth right now is about deepening my connection to Spirit (God, Divine, Source) and trusting it to find my highest good. I used to be all about controlling the situation and only relying on myself. I felt I had to save all my money in order to have more, rather than being willing to give to receive. Those beliefs are changing. I began working the 7 steps on January 8 and am now into my second week. Each morning I thank my CSO (Chief Spiritual Officer) for all that I have (right now) and all that I will have (as if I already have it). The exercise is fun, exciting, and ever-changing. I haven’t seen a huge windfall of cash or an avalanche of clients, but I am much more at peace and excited about facing every day. And I know the abundance is there because I’m trusting in Source to deliver.
 
Another part of The Path to Wealth is beginning your day with reading something spiritual. McCarthy recommends the book The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovill Shin. It’s a small book written in 1925 by a metaphysical teacher and chock full of wonderful examples of using universal law and the correct wording to attract what you want. She gives story after story to illustrate her meaning. One of my favorite examples is about asking for more work. People often ask for more work (e.g., more clients) because they want more money. But they don’t specifically ask for more money. So she gives a simple rhyme to cover both bases:

I have a wonderful business
In a wonderful way
And I give a wonderful service
For wonderful pay.​
​

​Easy to say, easy to remember, and the wording is just right!
 
So do you have what you want? This is a brand new year, a year to have fun, to expand, to accelerate your growth, and to achieve those lofty goals. Be clear. Trust in Spirit. And expect miracles!

by Terry Crump

It’s really important to be able to receive love and receive compassion. It is as important as being able to give it. – Pema Chodron

As the end of the year approaches and the holiday season gets into full swing, I have been reflecting on our practice of giving and receiving gifts.  I have realized that in some ways it has been somewhat easier to accept the gifts that others offer to me during the holidays, a discreet period of time, rather than throughout the year.  Like a distinct badge of honor, I’ve carried around this notion of it “being better to give than to receive,” allowing this belief to resonate from my being, defining who I am—a giver. I’ve also looked around and seen that there are some pretty happy folks who do just fine with receiving. No, these aren’t particularly selfish, self-serving, or needy individuals. Instead, they are ones simply more free in accepting what others offer to them, making no apologies for taking what is given. They are confident with or without the gift.  With this observation in mind, it’s become apparent that one possible root issue around discomfort with receiving is feeling as though one is undeserving of what is good without working hard for it.  There is a lack of confidence in our worthiness and value when we struggle to accept the kindness being lavished upon us without “paying our due.”  We believe, “I must do something to earn this gift.”  

Having lived part of my life in the Caribbean with strong ties to the culture, I can say that there is absolute disdain for “laziness.” So it can be unsettling to think that we are accepting something for which we have not worked.  Can you identify with this? There is also the air of pride that we have worked for everything have.  We are independent, relying on no one, even if that self-reliance comes at a very high cost (e.g., bitterness about how hard a struggle has been, poor physical and/or emotional health after we’ve pushed our bodies beyond what is humanly possible).  Truthfully, sometimes we have underlying feelings of resentment of “not getting back what we give.”  Yet, we still refuse to allow opportunities for reciprocity in receiving acts of compassion. Perhaps we fear how we’ll be perceived for accepting help, or want to avoid feelings of indebtedness to another person because of their generosity. In the end, we may push others away and essentially avoid the intimacy that comes with giving and receiving.

What if we removed our typical capes of helping, doing, and saving others, just allowing ourselves to be nurtured? Flip the script and exchange roles. Consider the fact that your refusal to accept a gift/gesture impacts the other person as well. It may translate to that person as rejection—of their thoughtfulness, sacrifice, general need to be of service, to feel appreciated for some act. 

Starting today, you can choose to recognize your own value. You are enough, just as you are, without embellishment or action or change. You deserve to receive life’s gifts and to simply say, “Thank you!” By receiving, you are affirming yourself, as worthy of the gift, and affirming the giver, recognizing that what s/he has offered you is of value. These are very powerful and meaningful interactions.

​Terry Crump, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, board certified clinical hypnotherapist, and owner of Crump Wellness Services, is a guest blogger and coauthor of F.A.I.T.H. - Finding Answers in the Heart, Volume II. To order your copy of the book, click here.

by Suzanne Baker Hogan

Receiving is about opening ourselves up to love, but too often in my life I have blocked it. I have been given wonderful gifts only to fear receiving them. I have worried about putting people through too much trouble, and very quickly, I have felt beholden to them. I immediately assume that I have to give something back in return because too often in my life I have felt unworthy of being given to. And I have closed my heart for fear of feeling vulnerable. And so, I have accepted people’s gifts like flattery that doesn’t stick, and this constricts the natural flow of life – the balanced exchange of giving and receiving.
 
At the end of the day, I have learned that to restrict the exchange of life honors no one. Restricting is an act of separation that leads to immense struggle. It begets a weary battle of taking and losing.
 
Although we may feel vulnerable when we open ourselves up to receive, this effort echoes human courage. It harkens back to the plan we are all acting out here. We didn’t come to this earth to be restricted and to struggle; we came here to be vulnerable and to grow with love. We are here to receive from others, and in that receiving, find great healing that benefits us forever.
 
Receiving heals, and it is one of the most important lessons that I am learning on my journey. And what I am remembering most is that I naturally know how to give and receive. In fact, it's as easy as breathing.
 
I have simply forgotten how to breathe – how to take in and give back effortlessly, without restriction. And it starts with feeling worthy again of this natural exchange, with remembering that I am already an integral part of everything. Self-love gets me back there. It returns me to myself.
 
If I allow myself to truly engage in the spiritual intimacy of life and not fearfully shy away, I make myself available to unfolding gifts of staggering beauty. Receiving and giving then happen effortlessly, without any planning whatsoever. Without recompense of any kind. This is how we each rediscover our immense value and honor each other in the dance of life. It is where both the giver and receiver bask in gratitude and awe-inspiring love.
 
Nature reminds us how. If a tree were to take in water and not give anything back, it wouldn’t be part of divine balance. It wouldn’t sustain us in its essential way. This is what you are here to do, brave soul – sustain us in the ways that only you can, and this requires that you also receive.

We’ve just ended the month of November, the time for Gratitude. Now we’re easing our way into December, the month usually reserved for Giving. The holidays are upon us and it’s all about giving presents. There’s a wonderful scene near the end of The Bishop’s Wife where David Niven, who plays the Bishop, talks about giving. “You give me a book; I give you a tie. Aunt Martha has always wanted an orange squeezer and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe.” We do our best to “get” what our loved ones want. To “give” so they’ll be happy.

But giving is a two-way practice. When you give a gift, you’re giving more than the item. Shopping for gifts involves time and money. Baking cookies involves food and baking skills. Knitting a sweater includes yarn and crafting expertise. Every gift takes something special. But the most special gift of all is love. You give because you care about the person.

That caring raises a huge question. What about you? The person doing the giving. Who’s taking care of you? Are you getting what you want? Are you getting what you need?

Giving is a wonderful act of human kindness. It warms the soul and is truly an act of love. But if you spend all your energy on giving to others, you’ll be worn out, frazzled, frustrated, and depleted. 

We often concentrate so much on giving we fail to receive.  When was the last time you treated yourself to a movie? Went out for dinner? Got a hug? Had someone tell you how beautiful or handsome you are? 

Lavish gifts are not required. Even a simple “I love you” will suffice. As long as you graciously and willingly receive. If you’re the type of person who feels embarrassed when someone does something nice, get over it. It’s time to receive. Receiving is absolutely necessary for good health. 

This month our FAITH authors explore the topic of receiving and how to open yourself up to having more. 

In the meantime, start practicing receiving. Savor the wonderful feeling that comes when you give to yourself or when someone else gives to you. Take it all in. With practice you’ll become a pro. Not only will you get used to receiving, you’ll enjoy it. Imagine that!

​Nanette Littlestone, author, editor, writing coach, and publisher, is a frequent blogger and visionary leader behind F.A.I.T.H. – Finding Answers in the Heart, Volumes I and II. To find out more about these books, click here. 

by Barbara J Hopkinson
  
Why should you be grateful after suffering the traumatic loss of a loved one?  What is there to be grateful for?  You feel awful!
 
It’s difficult to find anything to be grateful for after losing someone close, certainly after the loss of a child, grandchild, sibling, parent, partner, or even a very close friend before their time.  It’s not fair.
 
All true, but finding a way to be grateful will help you heal. Finding a way to keep positive will help you feel better, and being grateful is a great way to do that.  Also, wouldn’t your loved one want you to be grateful for the time you had with them?  To focus on that more than the pain their loss caused you?  Not easy . . . but try.
 
When you think about it, there are so many things in this world to be grateful for!  Just waking up every day, with a roof over our heads, food to eat, friends and family, our health. Many others do not have those things.
 
What are other things in your life now, without your loved one, that you can be grateful for?  What are the things about your loved one that you are grateful to have experienced or shared?  Write them down.  Are you thankful to have spent however long you had with them?  Is that better than never having known them?  Be grateful for that time, however short.
 
I am.  I am grateful for the excitement around that first pregnancy, even though it ended in miscarriage.  I am grateful to have held my stillborn son Robbie in my arms, seeing how much he looked like his older brothers as babies.  I am so grateful for the 21 years I got to spend with my oldest son Brent, before he died suddenly in a motorcycle accident.  I can’t imagine having lived my life without the richness of his personality, and I am grateful that he still contacts me and sends me signs.  I am grateful for my first marriage, which ended after 30 years, that produced my sons and allowed me to grow into who I am.  I am over-the-top grateful for my remaining son Brad, who is newly engaged, and his lovely fiancée.   I am also very grateful for my second husband, his children, and their partners. There are so many things I am grateful for, including family, friends, and experiences, that it outweighs my losses, most of the time anyway.
 
It does take time and effort, but gratitude is so worth it!  Gratitude helps you attract more good things into your life.  I believe that gratitude is the CORE ingredient to a good life.  Remember to be grateful . . .  for everything! 
 
. . . and I am grateful for you reading this!  Thank you!

by Corinna Murray, DVM
 
The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. - Joseph Campbell

Most of us were taught to believe that it is better to give than to receive. We believe it is virtuous to give our time, love, energy, and attention to our family, friends, and worthy causes. Yet most of us find it uncomfortable to treat ourselves in the same manner and, therefore, feel unworthy to receive many of these same things from others. In fact, many have been conditioned to believe that self-directed love and attention is selfish.

In reality, giving and receiving are aspects of the same flow of energy, just as breathing depends equally on the inhale as on the exhale. The quality and depth of the in-breath nourishes our bodies with life sustaining O2, stimulating growth and expansion, while the out-breath releases what no longer serves us, calming our bodies for healing and rest. What no longer serves us is in turn returned to serve our planet through our plants, which nourish us again with oxygen and their fruit. The flow of love is the same. It is self-sustaining, expansive, and infinite.

Self-directed love is the foundation for the expression and the flow of love. Only by loving your perfectly imperfect self (who in any given moment is doing your best, with what you know and how you feel), can you open fully to the generous love of the universe and the love of others. Self-love is healing, nurturing, and honors All that has and will continue to contribute to your existence. The way in which you care for and engage with yourself shows the world and others how to love you. It becomes your legacy and opens you to the flow that is reflected back. Only from this place of self-love, can you truly be whole and capable of returning love to the rhythm and flow of life.

Start today to hold yourself in loving awareness and let your heart receive. Connect with and feel how much you want to know that you are loved and valued. Look into your heart and feel your timelessness. Feel everything—your joy and your sorrow, your compassion and your passion, your curiosity, playfulness, and wisdom. You contain it All. You are whole. Each time you find yourself in self-reflection today, take a moment to be a witness. Then, with loving awareness, quietly say or think these words, "I feel you, I accept you, I love you." Carry this mantra through your day and witness your heart gently open to yourself and to others. Notice the flow of love.